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Blended Families
HisChamaoleGirl
member
To clarify or not to clarify (Sort of BFR)
HisChamaoleGirl
member
When we found our we were expecting after so long of trying DH pretty much anounced it to the world. When we experienced our loss I removed anything baby related from my fb but never put out an official posting about it bc it was too hard at the time. We did notify BM about it (posted somewhere on this board) and she offered condolances.
It only came to my attention this last week that MIL doesnt know about the loss based on how she worded an email to me. I had assumed DH had spoken to her about it as he talks to her more often than I do to maintain their long distance relationship.
Should I send her a message about the loss? Should I just not address the issue? It is possible that she will find out since she interacts with BM often, but then again, I am not usually a topic in their conversations.
The biggest reason I dont think I would tell her is bc when we anounced we were expecting she said "ok. btw I transfered $x into your account from the time I borrowed from you." She really didnt seem interested in the pregnancy in the first place.
Thoughts?
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Re: To clarify or not to clarify (Sort of BFR)
Yes, I see your point.
I hate to start the conversation with our loss two months ago and then add in our BFP from this week. I think it may be a roller coaster conversation.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
I would clarify since you are pregnant again. I can say that before DS was born I had a miscarriage and then 4 months later I was pregnant again. With my lost pregnancy, I had announced early to coworkers and immediate family only. When I came back to work, I assumed all my coworkers knew I had lost the baby because I have some close coworkers I figured would let others know so I didn't have to. We had actually told all of our famly. I guess a few people never knew about the loss and as I got huge with DS early, towards the end I started getting comments like "I thought you were due in Dec" and I figured out they had no idea so I had to tell them that I had lost that baby and was pregnant again.
I know how much is sucks having to tell someone about a loss but if they knew I think you should tell them because telling them later isn't any better.
My brother's FI had found out days after me that she was pregnant (with my youngest neice) and was due the day after me. I still think about the lost baby a lot because my neice is the same age as that baby would have been, but if I hadn't lost that baby I wouldn't have DS. So I do believe things do happen for a reason.
Sry, I didn't read the OP well enough. If DH is telling family members then he should have a convo with his mother too.
We arent telling anyone about this second pregnancy until we are far into our second trimester. DH told people early in our first one before we had really talked about waiting. I thought we were on the same page about waiting, but clearly I was wrong. Now I am sure we are on the same page.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
Maybe tell YH so he realizes what's going on. But I think I'd just let it go until and unless she asks.
MH doesn't tell his mom much. They aren't estranged or anything, but he's just not like that. Like I don't think she's aware that he had a vasectomy, and I can't imagine him telling her unless she asked if we were going to have more kids.
But she might be off telling people her son is having a baby in X month. If they never told her to begin with I would agree. I had a m/c right before a planned vacation that the doc made me cancel because my numbers were not going down and I hates that I have to tell people on Saturday was not going to Paris on Monday including my Mom who I am close to. I know how much it all sucks but even a bad grandparent to be deserves to know.