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ASD dating

sweetie0228sweetie0228 member
in Special Needs

My 13 yr old ASD son, has started dressing nicer for school, and all of a sudden taking his hygene a little more seriously.  This only means one thing. A girl.

He finally asked me if it was okay to ask a girl to the movies. And then went though his version of risk analysis to why he's chosen this girl. and then told me that she's in computer club with him and a couple of his advanced classes.  She alerts him to when he's forgotten to pay attention to where he was going and has stopped him from running into people and things. (He's a little fanasty boy and disappears into his own world a lot)

We talked able how to ask a girl out and what kind of time frames that you can't just spring it on her the day before. And you can't yell the request at her. ANd what kind of movies would she like to see instead of dictating what he will see.

He on his own decided to take advantage of the middle school valentine's "candy gram" and sent a note with the rose asking her out on a date.

While, I'm awww sweet, I'm also TERRIFIED.  I don't want to see this turn into some thing cruel or just one more outsider making scenario.

I think I'm more nervous then he is.

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Re: ASD dating

  • lite-brightlite-bright member

    Awwww. This made me smile. Crossing my fingers for him! 

    And if she's so helpful to him, even if she isn't interested, hopefully she'll still be kind.  

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    DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
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  • 4Speedy4Speedy member
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    I hope it goes well. I'm pretty sure my son's biggest champion in elementary and middle schoolwould not have been allowed on a date at that age. Her parents pulled her and sent her to a private Christian school to avoid the permissive nature of the large public school she should have attended.

    This was my first thought.  There's no way I would have been allowed to go on a date at 13 and I won't be allowing my daughter(or son for that matter) to "date" at that age, either.  You have done a great job of preparing him to ask a girl out but now I would suggest you go back and prepare him for the possible outcomes.  There is a good chance the parents will say no to this so your son needs to understand it is no way a reflection on him. 

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  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    Very good points, I will be prepping him for if she says no because of her parents or because she is not interested but would like to stay friendly.

    On one hand, the workd dating is a strong emotion filled word.  He wants to go to the movies with her.  And several of the kids in his class are "going out" which still means they have professed their undying like for each other and text a lot and create soap opera drama in middle school.

    I wouldn't be surprised if my DS is more or less thinking he would like to play legos w/ this girl.  And movies are easier there is no talking.  He also has an older sister.  DD is 16 and she and her boyfriend go to the movies or hang out on mine or his parent's supervised couch and watch movies.

    I will go over the rejection scenarios with him.

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