Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Movie October Baby WARNING: abortion mentioned

Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.
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Re: Movie October Baby WARNING: abortion mentioned

  • That seems a little "judgy" of you.

    How can you relate to someone that has aborted? It's nothing to compare.
  • I'm hoping I'm not judgy by saying this but it does hurt to know that someone is choosing to do what happened in my body without my choosing.
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  • agree!

    and so is that what october baby is about is abortion? i heard it was a good movie. but i don't know if i want to watch it if it is about abortion. :/

  • imageLossX3:
    That seems a little "judgy" of you.

    How can you relate to someone that has aborted? It's nothing to compare.

    I can't relate. I think it's your body your choice. I just don't have any pity for someone who made that choice. I guess I'm coming from a place of someone who chose to keep there baby and lost it anyways. Maybe that's selfish?
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  • imageamber7111:
    agree! and so is that what october baby is about is abortion? i heard it was a good movie. but i don't know if i want to watch it if it is about abortion. :/

    no, it's about a girl who was adopted. She goes on a journey to find out about her past. It was good. Abortion is mention but it's not bad and mainly only in one scene. I thought it was good.
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  • While I understand that for those of us who've gone through loss the idea of a woman choosing to abort might seem hurtful, I have a hard time judging another woman's choice. Abortions are done for many reasons, of course there are those who abort for life circumstances, but some women do it for medical reasons too.  And in the end it's their choice, it really has nothing to do with me.

    When I was in the ER on 1/18 waiting for the gyn to confirm my ectopic diagnosis and whether or not I'd need surgery, my rather religious sister was there waiting with me and DH and was basically right on the edge of accusing me of aborting my baby. She kept asking questions like "couldn't they reimplant the baby elsewhere" and "surely there must be another option". Luckily she didn't go any further (my hubby could see I was getting distressed and was ready to deck her and that confrontation wouldn't have been pretty for future family dynamics).  

    But it just really hit home to me that to some, my choosing to save my life through surgery to remove my baby, although it really wasn't much of a choice, was an immoral one. There are in fact anti-abortion groups who would have no problem confronting me to my face and vilifying me for my decision, and that fact seems quite horrific to me. I feel bad enough for the whole situation and still struggle with what I had to choose to do, and it's a completely awful feeling.  No one should ever have the right to question my choice and make me feel bad for it, so I just can't find it in me to condemn the choices of others.


         

    imageimage

    Married August 2012. Me: 41  DH: 42 
    Daughter from previous marriage: 20

    BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
    June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
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  • imagelmlorenz12:
    I'm hoping I'm not judgy by saying this but it does hurt to know that someone is choosing to do what happened in my body without my choosing.

    I feel the same way.. and at this point I don't really care if I'm being judgy about it.

    H's good friend's wife, had 2 abortions before she married H's friend and H was trying to make me feel less nervous about having my D&E and said "well  so and so had two before she married so and so" and I said "No, she CHOSE to do that, I have no choice, it's not the same thing at all!" I was pissed and H felt like an ass for implying that her and I have anything in common about this...I know he was trying to help so I didn't hold it against him.

    image

    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
    BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron <3

  • I'm not going to lie, I got pretty upset when the nurse referred to my miscarriage as a threatened abortion and when I corrected her and told her that it was a threatened miscarriage she told me that they ment the same thing. I did not agree with that. An abortion is a choice, and I was not choosing to lose my baby.

    DD - Juliana Joan - Born October 27, 2010 - My Little Princess

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  • imagebmqcmg:
    I'm not going to lie, I got pretty upset when the nurse referred to my miscarriage as a threatened abortion and when I corrected her and told her that it was a threatened miscarriage she told me that they ment the same thing. I did not agree with that. An abortion is a choice, and I was not choosing to lose my baby.

    So by your narrow definition, what happened to me was a choice - thanks for that, because I don't feel sh!tty enough at this point. I had a healthy growing baby who just happened to be implanted in the wrong place. I wasn't having a miscarriage, but for my 'choice' to remove my tube and the baby along with it, it would have kept on growing.  It would have eventually killed me of course, but I still had to sign those papers to 'choose' to go through with surgery that would terminate an otherwise normally developing baby, and I have to live with that 'choice' each day.

    Ladies, I beg you, please don't throw around terms like 'abortion' and 'choice' in such a judgemental and insensitive way, you really don't know people's circumstances and who you might be hurting with that judgement. 


         

    imageimage

    Married August 2012. Me: 41  DH: 42 
    Daughter from previous marriage: 20

    BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
    June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
    Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014

    TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014

    TTCAL BLOG

    All ALers welcome!

  • imagegscoville:

    imagebmqcmg:
    I'm not going to lie, I got pretty upset when the nurse referred to my miscarriage as a threatened abortion and when I corrected her and told her that it was a threatened miscarriage she told me that they ment the same thing. I did not agree with that. An abortion is a choice, and I was not choosing to lose my baby.

    So by your narrow definition, what happened to me was a choice - thanks for that, because I don't feel sh!tty enough at this point. I had a healthy growing baby who just happened to be implanted in the wrong place. I wasn't having a miscarriage, but for my 'choice' to remove my tube and the baby along with it, it would have kept on growing.  It would have eventually killed me of course, but I still had to sign those papers to 'choose' to go through with surgery that would terminate an otherwise normally developing baby, and I have to live with that 'choice' each day.

    Ladies, I beg you, please don't throw around terms like 'abortion' and 'choice' in such a judgemental and insensitive way, you really don't know people's circumstances and who you might be hurting with that judgement. 

    I believe that an abortion is okay, if there is a good medical reason for it. Like in your case, I think you had no other choice and I would have made the same choice and I am sorry that you were put in that situation.

    As for my situation, the nurse made me feel as though I was choosing what was going on and that is what I did not like. I understand that nurses deal with these situations on a daily basis and that is why they can come across as so insensitive about these things, but I wish they would just stop and realize that not everyone goes through these things on a regular basis.

    DD - Juliana Joan - Born October 27, 2010 - My Little Princess

    BFP 1/14/13 - M/C 1/22/13 @ 5 weeks

    BFP 3/20/13 - EDD 11/11/13

    BabyFetus Ticker

  • imagegscoville:

    imagebmqcmg:
    I'm not going to lie, I got pretty upset when the nurse referred to my miscarriage as a threatened abortion and when I corrected her and told her that it was a threatened miscarriage she told me that they ment the same thing. I did not agree with that. An abortion is a choice, and I was not choosing to lose my baby.

    So by your narrow definition, what happened to me was a choice - thanks for that, because I don't feel sh!tty enough at this point. I had a healthy growing baby who just happened to be implanted in the wrong place. I wasn't having a miscarriage, but for my 'choice' to remove my tube and the baby along with it, it would have kept on growing.  It would have eventually killed me of course, but I still had to sign those papers to 'choose' to go through with surgery that would terminate an otherwise normally developing baby, and I have to live with that 'choice' each day.

    Ladies, I beg you, please don't throw around terms like 'abortion' and 'choice' in such a judgemental and insensitive way, you really don't know people's circumstances and who you might be hurting with that judgement. 

    I can't speak for bmqcmg, but in no way was your mc even comparable to the kind of abortion that most people think of. You had no choice, at all! If you continued with your pregnancy, as you said, it could have killed you and the baby wouldn't have survived.

    I'm sorry that this upset you, I didn't think that anyone would consider terminating an ectopic pregnancy to be the same as an abortion until I read your response to the PP.

    Of all the people I know who have had abortions (probably a handful of people) they have had them because they don't want to have a child....and that sucks for me to have to accept because like you, I didn't have a choice.

    image

    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
    BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron <3

  • imagecpm1223:
    imagegscoville:

    imagebmqcmg:
    I'm not going to lie, I got pretty upset when the nurse referred to my miscarriage as a threatened abortion and when I corrected her and told her that it was a threatened miscarriage she told me that they ment the same thing. I did not agree with that. An abortion is a choice, and I was not choosing to lose my baby.

    So by your narrow definition, what happened to me was a choice - thanks for that, because I don't feel sh!tty enough at this point. I had a healthy growing baby who just happened to be implanted in the wrong place. I wasn't having a miscarriage, but for my 'choice' to remove my tube and the baby along with it, it would have kept on growing.  It would have eventually killed me of course, but I still had to sign those papers to 'choose' to go through with surgery that would terminate an otherwise normally developing baby, and I have to live with that 'choice' each day.

    Ladies, I beg you, please don't throw around terms like 'abortion' and 'choice' in such a judgemental and insensitive way, you really don't know people's circumstances and who you might be hurting with that judgement. 

    I can't speak for bmqcmg, but in no way was your mc even comparable to the kind of abortion that most people think of. You had no choice, at all! If you continued with your pregnancy, as you said, it could have killed you and the baby wouldn't have survived.

    I'm sorry that this upset you, I didn't think that anyone would consider terminating an ectopic pregnancy to be the same as an abortion until I read your response to the PP.

    Of all the people I know who have had abortions (probably a handful of people) they have had them because they don't want to have a child....and that sucks for me to have to accept because like you, I didn't have a choice.

    I in no way think of your situation as an "abortion" that most people think of. When I think of an abortion, I think individuals choosing to terminate their pregnancy because they don't want a child and couldn't keep their legs closed.

    You had no other choice because your pregnancy would not have been safe for you or your baby. 

    DD - Juliana Joan - Born October 27, 2010 - My Little Princess

    BFP 1/14/13 - M/C 1/22/13 @ 5 weeks

    BFP 3/20/13 - EDD 11/11/13

    BabyFetus Ticker

  • I agree with PPs on so many different points.
    I am VERY judgey about people who have elective abortions as a form of birth control. However, in cases such as ectopic or other life threatening situations, I understand that intervention is a necessity, and would never judge anyone for having to make that incredibly difficult choice.

    9 years ago I had my first MC. about 2 weeks after that, a friend of mine told me she was pregnant, but would be having an abortion because she didn't want a child yet. I just stared at her. While I understand that this is everyone's choice, how could I, in my grieving state, be at all supportive of a choice that, to me, was a slap in the face. It affected me so much that I literally could not continue to be friends with someone who so easily and carelessly threw away something that I so desperately wanted and couldn't have. Years later we became friends again (we were in our early 20's when this all happened), and I have let go of the emotions I felt back then about her decision. 

    Now, going through the tail end of an ectopic pregnancy myself, I do not consider what I'm dealing with to be the results of an abortion. My baby was not developing properly, and there was an obvious threat to both the life of my baby and myself; there was no other choice but to medically intervene. (I chose methotrexate vs. surgery, as I was early in my pregnancy). 

     gscoville, please don't be hard on yourself. This was not a choice you made, this was an unfortunate, terrible loss you suffered; and would have suffered that loss whether or not you chose to have surgery; it was only a matter of time. Big hugs to you, lady.

  • imagebmqcmg:
    imagecpm1223:

    I can't speak for bmqcmg, but in no way was your mc even comparable to the kind of abortion that most people think of. You had no choice, at all! If you continued with your pregnancy, as you said, it could have killed you and the baby wouldn't have survived.

    I'm sorry that this upset you, I didn't think that anyone would consider terminating an ectopic pregnancy to be the same as an abortion until I read your response to the PP.

    Of all the people I know who have had abortions (probably a handful of people) they have had them because they don't want to have a child....and that sucks for me to have to accept because like you, I didn't have a choice.

    I in no way think of your situation as an "abortion" that most people think of. When I think of an abortion, I think individuals choosing to terminate their pregnancy because they don't want a child and couldn't keep their legs closed.

    You had no other choice because your pregnancy would not have been safe for you or your baby. 

    Many thanks ladies, I don't think at all that you were judging me and my situation because you're right, it is different, but I did just want to point out that the words we use can trigger in ways we don't expect.  I'm honestly still kind of pissed at my sister and her not-so-subtle questions letting me know where she stands on the abortion issue and making me feel like I was in the same boat as those who really have a choice, and so I think the whole abortion/choice issue is therefore just a sensitive one for me to begin with.   Ugh, the the pain and various repercussions of a loss just keep coming in unexpected ways, don't they?

    imagemandi195:

    gscoville, please don't be hard on yourself. This was not a choice you made, this was an unfortunate, terrible loss you suffered; and would have suffered that loss whether or not you chose to have surgery; it was only a matter of time. Big hugs to you, lady.

    Thank you!!


         

    imageimage

    Married August 2012. Me: 41  DH: 42 
    Daughter from previous marriage: 20

    BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
    June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
    Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014

    TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014

    TTCAL BLOG

    All ALers welcome!

  • GSCOVILLE: I in no way meant to offend you and I should have been more selective with my words. I am talking about elective abortions. You were in a life threatening position and had no choice. You are incredibly strong and I'm sorry your sister was questioning you. I think a lot of people don't understand a lot of these pregnancy related issues. I know even in my case they keep calling it a "missed abortion" and it is upsetting to hear those words when your going through this painful time.
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  • imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.
  • imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.
  • imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.

     

    You are an ass. 

  • imageTigger & pooh:

    imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.

    You are an ass. 

    Um...what? Why would you even say that?

    image

    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
    BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron <3

  • imagecpm1223:
    imageTigger &amp; pooh:

    imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.

    You are an ass.&nbsp;

    Um...what? Why would you even say that?


    Maybe because not everyone agrees with your "narrow minded" opinions.

    None of you know what you would do if life threw a curve ball. To judge someone on THEIR decision with THEIR bodies makes you an ass.
  • imageLossX3:
    imagecpm1223:
    imageTigger &amp; pooh:

    imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.

    You are an ass.&nbsp;

    Um...what? Why would you even say that?


    Maybe because not everyone agrees with your "narrow minded" opinions.

    None of you know what you would do if life threw a curve ball. To judge someone on THEIR decision with THEIR bodies makes you an ass.

    Did you miss the part where I said "their body their choice." I don't have a problem with someone choosing to have an abortion. I do not have pity for them though because that is the choice they wanted to make. You have no idea who on here got thrown a curve ball when they got knocked up.
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  • imageLovelyABR:
    imageLossX3:
    imagecpm1223:
    imageTigger &amp; pooh:

    imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.

    You are an ass.&nbsp;

    Um...what? Why would you even say that?


    Maybe because not everyone agrees with your "narrow minded" opinions.

    None of you know what you would do if life threw a curve ball. To judge someone on THEIR decision with THEIR bodies makes you an ass.

    Did you miss the part where I said "their body their choice." I don't have a problem with someone choosing to have an abortion. I do not have pity for them though because that is the choice they wanted to make. You have no idea who on here got thrown a curve ball when they got knocked up.

    Clearly you don't either!

    All of a sudden you change your tune, after such an insensitive post, because you got called out. Who's asking for pity? I'm simply saying you sound "judgy" and really what someone does with THEIR body doesn't concern you.
  • imageLossX3:
    imageLovelyABR:
    imageLossX3:
    imagecpm1223:
    imageTigger &amp; pooh:

    imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.

    You are an ass.&nbsp;

    Um...what? Why would you even say that?


    Maybe because not everyone agrees with your "narrow minded" opinions.

    None of you know what you would do if life threw a curve ball. To judge someone on THEIR decision with THEIR bodies makes you an ass.

    Did you miss the part where I said "their body their choice." I don't have a problem with someone choosing to have an abortion. I do not have pity for them though because that is the choice they wanted to make. You have no idea who on here got thrown a curve ball when they got knocked up.

    Clearly you don't either!

    All of a sudden you change your tune, after such an insensitive post, because you got called out. Who's asking for pity? I'm simply saying you sound "judgy" and really what someone does with THEIR body doesn't concern you.

    Your fun, lol! Come and play again soon with your fake name!
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  • imageLovelyABR:
    imageLossX3:
    imageLovelyABR:
    imageLossX3:
    imagecpm1223:
    imageTigger &amp; pooh:

    imageLovelyABR:
    Has anyone seen this movie I just watched it and the movie itself was good. During the credits however there is a woman talking about her abortion and her emotional pain. I feel like it is really offensive to anyone who has ever been through a loss. I really find it hard to find to have pity for anyone who CHOSE to kill their baby while there are so many mourning a baby they wanted. I'm pretty shocked they put that in there.

    You are an ass.&nbsp;

    Um...what? Why would you even say that?


    Maybe because not everyone agrees with your "narrow minded" opinions.

    None of you know what you would do if life threw a curve ball. To judge someone on THEIR decision with THEIR bodies makes you an ass.

    Did you miss the part where I said "their body their choice." I don't have a problem with someone choosing to have an abortion. I do not have pity for them though because that is the choice they wanted to make. You have no idea who on here got thrown a curve ball when they got knocked up.

    Clearly you don't either!

    All of a sudden you change your tune, after such an insensitive post, because you got called out. Who's asking for pity? I'm simply saying you sound "judgy" and really what someone does with THEIR body doesn't concern you.

    Your fun, lol! Come and play again soon with your fake name!

    You really are a peach.

    Way to try and take the attention off your "douchey" post.

  • Very interesting thread.

    I just thought I'd throw my opinion in here .... since I've been on both sides of the coin.  When I was very young and dumb with no job and no brains ... I ended up pregnant.  I was scared, with an abusive azzhole, and was actually really alone in life.  I kept thinking "what can I give this child?" I decided to have an abortion.  It was not a decision I reached lightly.  And after it happened, I immediately regretted it.  I have carried around an enormous amount of guilt and emotions from it -- I even went to some counseling sessions to help me get over it.  To this day. you don't know how horrible and guilty I feel over that rash, immature, and wrong decision.

    Now, fast forward to this loss I just experienced.  It is completely different emotions, but no less strong than all the feelings I had when I terminated that pregnancy ten years go.  This loss has made me feel depression, devastation, and disappointment.  It has been an absolutely heartbreaking experience because my husband and I have been trying for a baby for a year now .... I can't describe the emotions I've had over the past several weeks.  It's made me a different person.  

    While I'm not saying every woman who has had an abortion feels the remorse and guilt over their decision as I have and it probably doesn't torture some women the way it has me.  But I wanted to share my experience so you could maybe understand that it is not taken lightly by some and sometimes it's done out of sheer hopelessness of the situation.  I admit I made a very wrong decision .... but believe me, I have a personal hell that I have to live through .... and it's not been fun.  

    _______________________________________________________________________________________

    Jacob & Audra - married since 05.28.11
    Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
    Ozzy Joseph - born 11.01.13 @ 31 weeks, weighed 3lbs 7oz and 16" long.
    TTC #3
    _______________________________________________________________________________________

  • Thank you for this, I too had an abortion at 19 and just had my first mc yesterday.

     To this day, I still think about the what-if and feel guilt for what I did when I was young and stupid. 


    Today, a day after I lost my planned pregnancy, I cannot describe how awful I feel knowing that I chose something that cost me a chance to be a mom. 

     

    A very irrational part of me thinks that this is just karma punishing me for what did 7 years ago.

     

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