husband wants a divorce :(

equinegirl2010 · February 2013

I am 34 weeks pregnant and my husband of almost a year, says he wants a divorce on wednesday. Any advice on how to not over stress for our little girl, i have alot of anixety and frustration and i dont want the stress to cause labor too soon. We have two other kids one each, this baby is our first one together. Looking for some mommy support. Our girls all 3 of them mean the world to me along with my husband but we are 22 and 23 years old. we got married very young and im lost and not sure how to handle the stress

Littlejen22 · February 2013

Why does he want a divorce?

ambrvan · February 2013

Yes, why does he want a divorce? Are you in agreement? Have you forseen this? Would either of you be willing to go.to.marriage counseling? I, too, am young themselves 23 and and I understand it can be expensive. But there are free or income based counseling services out there if that would be a problem.

Could this have just been an argument? Words said in anger? I know when I was pregnant with DS my H and I had a very rough time, and he often said things that made me feel this way. Said he did not want to be together anymore, etc. But we worked it out and have thrived. I am not saying this is for everyone, but I am saying that pregnancy can bring out the worst in a lot of people, be it mother or father. Try to keep a level head and not panic.

What will be will be. You have to be strong for your children no matter what. And that is always a good preoccupying thought to cling to when it feels like everything else is spinning out of your control.

twister22 · February 2013

I will echo PP's and ask what brought this on. If you are not in agreement I would fight to stay in the marriage if it is worth it to you - I would definitely seek out marriage counseling. Many insurances will cover some if not all of it.

+just+j+ · February 2013

MUD

SimpleJane · February 2013

justj:
MUD

I was leaning that way, but its not all that crazy of a story.

happywife2b · February 2013

ambrvan:
Could this have just been an argument? Words said in anger? I know when I was pregnant with DS my H and I had a very rough time, and he often said things that made me feel this way. Said he did not want to be together anymore, etc. But we worked it out and have thrived. I am not saying this is for everyone, but I am saying that pregnancy can bring out the worst in a lot of people, be it mother or father. Try to keep a level head and not panic.

This.

And especially since you are both very young, the stress of a new baby can be maddening. Constant worry can make people say things and do things that are contrary to their real desires or to their natures.

mtpgroove · February 2013

Try not to stress out and my one piece of advice is do not stay together just for the kids. I did this for 2 extra years of my marriage and I truly believe it messed my daughter up more. best of luck!

equinegirl2010 · February 2013

He came home wednesday night and came quite upset and said we needed to talk, he then told me he wanted a divorce. He said our entire marriage was a mistake and (marriage has only been 8 months.) I couldnt bare to hear this because although we were struggling with finacial situations and our time that we spent together was getting less and less, bc he chose to play on the computer games instead of spend time with our 3 and 4 year old, but we had a fight the night before and we werent on speaking terms we just needed time to think i thought. I dont want a divorce. I love my husband very very much. He says he cheated on me, and he would rather be with this other girl than me, but i dont actually believe there is anyone else. Because on monday we looked at a house together that we were going to buy and spent the night together cuddled on the couch and happy. We are young, but he told me he doesnt love me anymore and yet monday he told me how much he wanted to try and get this house and raise our family. He told my stepfather, (who he has become very close with) that he loves me very much but is just very stressed out). He is trying to be cold and callice to me, and its hurting alot. im not sure what to do. he says he isnt willing to do marriage couseling because he doesnt see a point he says its over and hes not my husband anymore. I told him i wont sign the divorce papers, and he is very upset with me on this. i dont know whether to give up or stay strong and wait for him to grow up and realize how much our girls need him.

equinegirl2010 · February 2013

I guess im not sure why you put the made up drama are you saying that as im making up an untrue story? bc its whats happening in my life and im just looking for some advice. If you are saying he is making up drama, i guess i dont get that either!

equinegirl2010 · February 2013

I dont want to be with him just because of the kids, i love my husband with all my heart. We each had a daughter from a previous relationship and we blended our families because we loved each other very much. Then i got pregnant with this little girl and we were very very happy about it. I tried to stay with my daughters dad for a while just for my daughter but i wont do that again. I love my husband and i want my family to be together. this is hard on the kids because they are so young, and he moved back in with his parents which means i wont see my step daughter and my daughter doesnt see her dad so my husband is her daddy in her heart. The girls will still see each other. But my life feels empty and lonely without him, he is adimet about this divorce but its all of a sudden and out of nowhere. I dont want the divorce and idk what to do.

ambrvan · February 2013

I am so sorry you are dealing with at this point in your life. Maybe if you very calmly talk to him.and say that if this is what he wants that is fine but as part of your agreement to the divorce, you request that the pair of you attend couples counseling so that you can each come to some terms of agreement? I have heard of some judges requiring marriage counseling before a divorce is finalized. Tell him that it wouldn't be about him trying to stay with you or you trying to keep him but so that you can work out your problems in order to maintain a working coparenting relationship. Tell him you will not willingly sign unless this is done

If it is something you want to do, that is. And maybe something will come out of it, whichever way it ends up.

Just a thought. I have never dealt with this, but I think would make this request.

twister22 · February 2013

ambrvan:
I am so sorry you are dealing with at this point in your life. Maybe if you very calmly talk to him.and say that if this is what he wants that is fine but as part of your agreement to the divorce, you request that the pair of you attend couples counseling so that you can each come to some terms of agreement? I have heard of some judges requiring marriage counseling before a divorce is finalized. Tell him that it wouldn't be about him trying to stay with you or you trying to keep him but so that you can work out your problems in order to maintain a working coparenting relationship. Tell him you will not willingly sign unless this is done If it is something you want to do, that is. And maybe something will come out of it, whichever way it ends up. Just a thought. I have never dealt with this, but I think would make this request.

I think this is great advice. Even if you do end up getting a divorce, you will always have a sort of relationship with him because he is your DD's father. So even if couples counseling is not beneficial in the regard that it saves your marriage, it could make you guys fabulous at co-parenting.

Karma1969 · February 2013

Most men who cheat will lie about cheating.

I can't see a man who hasn't cheated lie and say that he has.

odd little story here

fellesferie · February 2013

I'm with Karma.

You should believe what he's telling you. And also, he can love you but still be cheating and still want a divorce.

It takes both people to make a marriage work, and if he's not willing, I don't think there's much you can do. I'm really sorry.

+just+j+ · February 2013

I called it MUD because honestly, you're not showing a whole lot of emotion here, and most people who post something of this nature are a wreck and it's clear they are upset. You are coming across very matter of fact (like real MUDders tend to do)to me. Sorry, but that's my gut reaction.

I find it no suprise the guy admitted to cheating. It was actually my first gut feeling as to why he'd be asking for a divorce. He's an ass by the way, so you should be glad to get rid of him. Even if you love him, more than likely he will continue to cheat. So dust yourself off and move on.

Get counselling if you are seriously worried about your mental health or losing your baby. Counselors were wonderful short term answers for me when I was highly stressed. Rely on your friends and family to support you emotionally as well, but you need to get it in your head now that you are young and there will be other men who will treat you well. Move on. He's not worth your time so don't waste any more effort in someone who has proven clearly they are unreliable and untrustworthy.

+just+j+ · February 2013

fyi, you might want to try the Trouble In Paradise board on the Nest too on how to cope with this. Many women there who have been thru this.

equinegirl2010 · February 2013

Okay i appreciate your advice and everything but this is a real life story and im 22 years old and my life has literally been through hell and back. you cant feel emotion through a message board, im trying to stay strong because my 3 year old daughter picks up on my emotions and she knows when mommy is sad. I am 8 months pregnant and trying to stay calm so i dont have this baby early. Seriously if you are just going to accuse people or putting made up drama on here why are you on it, go off the page, im a young mom that was just looking for a little bit of guidance. I am trying very very hard and im sorry if you cant feel the emotion that you think should be coming out of what im posting, and did you ever think that maybe part of it is that im still a little in shock??? I mean granted i guess some of it was going to happen eventually but i dont need negative comments saying im making up stories. if you were emotionally able to connect with a person going through this kind of grief you would realize that im not lying but clearly you cant do it over a message board. So if you dont have any more good supportive advice please stay off my discussion.

+just+j+ · February 2013

I am basing my experience and call out on MUD based on what I know and how people have typically post here on this board.

So sorry if you can't understand that, but most people who are going thru what you are react and post very differently.

I gave you good advice. I dealt this a cheater myself. My advice is to ditch the jerk because it is clear he is cheating on you. End of story. Time to figure out how to move on and if you're worrying about losing your baby, tell your OBGYN and get professional counseling to get you thru it. You're young. There is PLENTY of time to find someone who will treat you well.

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