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C-sections
BrilliantBrunetteJenny
member
Visiting after a c-section
BrilliantBrunetteJenny
member
in C-sections
So I am having a scheduled c-section/tubalization (spell check that o.O) , and was wondering when to tell people they can come. My parents and in-laws seem to want to be there from the time I have to arrive at the hospital which is 2 hours before my c-section. And to be honest I am just not sure how I feel about that I mean one whats the point, and two I will be having major surgery, and would like to maybe clean up and meet the son I have been carrying for the past 9 mths. The last thing i want to do is come off rude and them think i am preventing them form meeting their grandson, but to be honest no one besides DH and my mom seem to be worried about how I factor in this situation I am starting to feel like one big incubator for my in-laws. (Seriously they do not even ask how I am doing with the pregnancy it is baby baby baby) So any advice on how you felt after your normal no complications c-section? Should I just go with it and let them be there or maybe tell them we will call them and hope they listen?
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Re: Visiting after a c-section
I had complications so I felt a lot worse then most people with a non complicated surgery, but I was always no visitors that were not family. I am by nature really private. My family came cause I was in recovery for 4ish hours they were all with DD and it was ok but I was glad when they were gone. (I know that kind sounds terrible of me)
I would want at least the first 2-3 hours to myself, baby and DH. Then you can bond, relax, maybe eat and move around before the room is full of people.Perhaps you can make up a white lie about the visiting hours? L&D nurses are always AMAZING about keeping visitors away if you aren't feeling up to it.
My c section will be at 7 am or so and our boys will visit first some time after noon and our parents are welcome after 5pm. No one else can come that day. You will be in bed and have a catheter which is not how I want to welcome people...with a bag of lee at the end of my bed!
Make them feel special that they are your First Visitors and get to arrive at a certain time (at least 3 hours after surgery is scheduled). Then thank them for respecting your wishes because it will be so much easier for you to relax not thinking about where they are.
They do realize that with surgery prep, the surgery, post op, moving you to your room and all that it will be a while before they can see the baby right? For my first, my XH's whole family showed up about 3 hrs post surgery and I was seriously not in the mood. And very happy that they only stayed 15 min. Plus you can tell from photos I must have still been doped up because I look out of it. My suggestion is to warn them they can visit 3 hrs post surgery for a short time and can come back the next day. If you can! GL!
Edit: I forgot to factor in that some hospitals don't leave the baby with you afterwards. Mine does but if yours doesn't I can imagine it would be seriously annoying to have them meet your baby before you do. I don't know why all hospitals don't leave baby with mom when there are no issues.
Definitely check with your hospital. I had an unplanned c-section and our immediate families were at the hospital because I had been there for almost 20 hours before my c-section. The operating room was down the hall from my room and so our family waited in a special waiting area right outside of the operating room. I was wheeled by them going into surgery and then when I came out with DS they were all standing there to get a peek then went back out to the main waiting room until DH went to get them (after we attempted breastfeeding, and had some bonding time). I accepted other family visitors right away but friends didn't come by until the evening (7 am surgery) after I had a shower.
Honestly, if you don't want them to see the baby before you get to hold him, don't have them there during the section. Many hospitals bring the baby to the nursery until you are in recovery, and I know I'd be pissed if they went to the nursery before me.
They won't take your catheter out for several hours at least, possibly 12 to 24 hours after surgery. If you don't want me to see you like that, I'd just tell them that DH will call them that night or the next day when you're ready for visitors.
I have strict rules around my c-sections -- going in for my third in two weeks -- and don't allow family there until I'm up and settled in my room for a bit. I find it helps, if you're scheduled, that you don't tell them the time.
I actually do that so that no one panics if I get bumped or something.
The one exception is my parents. As my mom reminds me, I'm still her baby, and I'm having surgery, and she just feels a need to be there. So she gets to see the baby through the nursery window, and come check on me in recovery, but no one is allowed to hold baby until I do, which usually isn't until I'm up in the room. In recovery, if baby is ready, they will bring baby to me to see, but it's tough to hold there while you are being doped up with the most major meds, etc.
I'm having a 10am section this time, and so will tell other family they can come mid-afternoon. Right now they aren't letting any children in my hospital because of flu, but if that gets lifted, then it's important we have some time with my kids as a family before all the visitors start -- my mom would bring them to us. And even if not, I find I'm usually due for a pain shot by the time I get up to my room. I like to get all settled, and get baby in, and have some time with my husband before everyone else. Even then, I find immediate family (my in-laws, maybe my brother) are the only ones who come the first day. Most wait for the second or third. We don't find out the sex, so everyone is usually patient enough waiting for that call, and then they all enjoy going out shopping for a few hours until we are ready for visitors. Then they come bearing gifts!
Regarding how you'll feel, I actually prefer a short visit the first day. For one, everyone keeps it short knowing I'm post-op, and they usually give you extra good meds the first day, and you haven't had to move around yet or start sitting up, etc. The second day is the hardest -- you have to start moving for your own sake, but it's not easy. The first day I can just rest and visit and adore everyone adoring my little one! I'm tired, but I'm a bit more comfortable than I am on day two, when I have to focus on that first shower, etc. Just food for thought!
Pre-e w/DD #1 -- now age four! GD and PIH w/DD#2 -- now age two! GD and unexplained third trimester bleeding with baby # 3 -- due Feb 27!
With my first, who was scheduled, I was scheduled for 2:30 pm, so I had expected that by 6pm or so, we'd be ok to have visitors and that was roughly when our parents, my sis and a couple friends arrived at the hospital and camped out in the waiting area. DS was delivered at 4:10pm. There were minor delays waiting for an OR and pre-op prep, but the actual time in the OR was pretty quick. Then I spent the next 3 hours in recovery because apparently it takes me a LOT longer than most for anesthesia to wear off enough for me to be moved into a bed. Then they gave me a shot of another pain killer and that made me completely loopy and nauseous. So I'm finally wheeled into my room at 7pm with like 8 visitors waiting. DH didn't let anyone see or hold the baby beforehand though, he was brought down from the nursery, and handed to me. I physically felt lousy because of the meds, and was overwhelmed and overstimulated w/ a crowd in my room. I've learned my lesson!
This time, we're scheduled for early morning but we'll just call family when we're ready, probably hinting at the after work time frame again. I'll also tell them that am schedules have a tendency to get bumped for emergent cases so I don't actually know what time we will get into an OR, which is true. There's no point in them sitting in the waiting room from 6am on if I'm not even in an OR yet. I want some time to recover, settle in w/ my babies if they are not in NICU (twins scheduled for 36w), hopefully try to nurse them, and get some of the loopy meds out of my system. I want DH with me, and I asked one of my BFFs to come in case DH has to camp out with the babies in the nursery or NICU for a while, and that's it for a while! If your family insists on sitting in the waiting room, I'd just tell them they don't get to come up to the postpartum room/nursery until DH calls them because you don't know when you'll be done, and don't call until you're ready. I'd also let the nurses in your ward know to keep visitors out until you say so. They generally are perfectly fine w/ playing bad cop for you in order for you to get some rest.
We had all of our parents waiting during my first two c/s. With the 3rd, it was just DH and I. My in laws stayed home (hour away) with our kids, my parents hadn't yet flown in (my scheduled c/s had to be bumped up 4 days when I started having contractions) ... and it was the BEST. DH and I had a chance to get to know our new baby the first night and next morning before anyone visited. With the first two, I HATED that everyone got to see my baby through the nursery window while I was still in the OR - it made me so sad that I didn't get to witness their first introduction.
Physically, I felt fine to have our families visit soon after my c/s. But it was just a much more enjoyable experience when I had a chance to relax before company. If that's what you prefer, speak up.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
I had no complications during my C-Section, which was unplanned, and we didn't find out until two hours before the CS that we were having one. We did have family there from the very beginning (my mom, step dad, sister, grandmother) so it was pretty full. It was my first pregnancy, so I wasn't really sure what to expect, especially for a CS which was never discussed because until that day, I had a flawless pregnancy.
My suggestion would be to wait one-two days before having visitors. I was so emotional and focused on breastfeeding and bonding with my husband and son that the visitors rarely got to visit the baby much anyway. Also, I had a catheter and my incision was being checked so frequently that a little privacy while dealing with all the other things happening was nice. We were in the hospital for a total of 5 days and I would have loved to have the first two days on my own and then have visitors.
My last piece of advice is to have your SO or birth partner take control. I let my husband know what I wanted and he was great making sure everyone understood that so that I didn't have to worry about the stress and I could focus on what was important.
Good Luck!
I think it's normal for parents to want to be there, even if it means sitting for hours. Mine stayed at the hospital for about 18 hours - while I labored, during my c-section, while I recovered, and then to meet DS. ILs weren't there (out of state).
Make sure you and your H are on the same page, then each deal with your own parents. That way, you don't sound like the bad guy to his parents.
FWIW, I felt icky most of the first day after my c-section. You go to recovery for awhile, then you hang out in your room. Your catheter stays in until you can get up on your own. I don't think I took a shower until day 2. So if your concern is feeling icky, that feeling is going to linger for awhile.
But your concern about meeting your baby first - that is completely valid, and I would hope that your parents and ILs understand that. Don't back down on that - those first moments as a family (you, your H, and LO) are important.
If only my husbands parents listened to him. They were hounding us since a week after we told them we were pregnant about buying a car seat so that they could get a base. I mean emails 2 to 3 times a week every time we talked to them on the phone there was even a note in our Christmas card about it. My DH said he told them like 10 times that there was no need for them to have a base and that my mom was buying us one as a gift for the baby shower, and still they persisted. At Christmas I was asked about it and when i tried to deflect it my FIL says forget it I will call your mom myself then i got a wee bit hormonal about it and they have sense let it go. It is like if his parents do not like what we say of disagree they go against our wishes. Haha even at my baby shower this past weekend my MIL asked me how i liked the nursery and i responded with well not a lot nothing matches to which she responded and I quote "well it does not really matter how your feel now does it" So needless to say I am a bit nervous about his parents and his ability to handle them.
Thanks so much for all your wonderful advice ladies!
I think I am just going to have a talk with everyone ahead of time, and well anyone who chooses not to listen to me and respect my wishes may just make it to my I don't really care how I am making you feel list.
With my second csection, I was scheduled for 7:15. My dad came around 6:45 and stayed with us until probably 10:30 or 11:00. My in laws came around noon and they left around 2:30 and then my mom came around 6:00 that evening.
It was perfect. DH, baby, and I plenty of down time together, but everyone got to see the baby. In addition, we were never over run with visitors.
Mine was an emergency so I was totally unprepared and a bit dazed afterwards, although no complications. I had my c/s about 9 am and first visitors were DH's parents after work at 5pm (obviously, we didn't call anyone until after the c/s). That time was alright, but they stayed all evening ffs! Make sure DH is on board with limiting the length of the visit. FWIW, we planned on a vag birth and not telling the parents we were in labour/going to the hospital/had a baby until after we were done. We didn't want them waiting around or showing up right after. We knew we wanted a couple hours alone before visitors. When we told inlaws this before the birth they were totally offended that they couldn't be there while I gave birth. Meh.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
I know I sound like a FTM but we actually have an 13 yr old. My husband adopted my dd. We do stand up for ourselves i just seem to lack tact .. i can mean it in the nicest way but sometimes/most times I come off as the biggest b*tch in the world. And my poor DH is trying so hard with his parents. Believe it or not we are actually in our 30's.... I did tell him that he can handle it and they can listen or I will make myself very clear. But like i said I lack any tact for some reason so trying really hard to avoid that.
This is something I will def. have to think about! With DD, it was an emergency section after 2 days of a failed induction. I had friends and family popping in and out, which was fine until day 2. After my water had broke and they started pitocin, my contractions were so bad, I asked my Mom to please make everyone leave. She nicely told the roomful of people (probably 10) that they had to leave and off they went. I was told around 7 or 8 pm that the baby was in distress and needed to have a C-section. It was just the babys father and my Mom and a good friend of hers there. When I got out of surgery, my Mom followed us down the hall to recovery. She got to come in within 1/2 hour because I wanted her in there with us. The next day, the babys father had his Mom, 2 sisters and 3 kids come up to see the baby. I was sitting in a chair and stood up and blood gushed all over the floor right in front of them, the kids went running out of the room!
This time around, me, DH, Mom and my DD will all go to the hospital. My Mom works there so she will take DD and go visit co-workers, walk around (pacing I am sure) and I will text her once its time to come up. I can't wait for DD to meet her baby brother/sister. This is DH's first child so I am sure his family will all want to come up and depending on how I feel, I am going to have to let him know about restrictions...This post has sure gave me something to think about and make a plan. I want it to be different this time without hoards of people coming and going as they please! Also, the hospital where I am having the baby usually only keeps a C-section patient 48 hours. When I had DD, my Mom was livid they were letting me out so soon, versus her 6 day stay when she had me by C-section. I wonder too if those rules have changed?
The first time I had one I let people come and honestly I was so sad that I did. DH got to wheel DS1 out to meet everyone while I was in recovery, so I wasn't even there when my parents got to meet my DS.
The second time I told everyone that I would call them when I was out of recovery and they could come visit then. Which was hard because my family lives close to the hospital, but I wanted DH and I to be with the baby in my room, then have DS1 come and meet his new brother before everyone else got a chance. So thats what I did.
I would recommend you have them come once you are more settled, I wish I could get back that first time of introducing my first child to our families with DH.