SAHM guilt

mamatotwins0812 · February 2013

Recently I've started having SAHM guilt. I always have tried to do various activities with the boys throughout the day, and most days we get out at least once, either to the store, a walk or both. But there are some days, more so now that DH has started traveling and I'm alone, that I have tremendous guilt. I just feel like I'm never doing enough with them and that they'd be better off in daycare bc they'd be more stimulated. I joined a moms group but most of the ladies kids are older (toddlers and up) and since we are moving so soon I'm reluctant to start new relationships with seeking out any new groups. I've considered gymboree, but again with moving, not sure it makes sense to start a membership anywhere. I am so incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to be home with them and wouldn't change it for the world. Some days I just find myself so bored with the normal routine and feel like I'm doing such a bad job. Other than the "normal" stuff, does anyone have any fun suggestions or thoughts? TIA

kgs0505 · February 2013

Can you join gymboree in one place and transfer the membership when you move? It might be worth looking in to.

MuseumMaven · February 2013

I completely understand. I SAH as well and there are a lot of days that I've felt that way. But we do mange to do a lot. I can't see age tickers from my phone, but here are a few things that my 19 month old guys enjoy:

Check out your local library for children 's programs. We're regulars at the infant and toddler story time. Also a nice place to meet other moms

Zoo
Aquarium my guys loved this from 6 months on
Children's museum
Hang a bird feeder and watch the birds together
If your twins are crawling a big cardboard box provides hours of fun
If the climate allows, hang some swings in the yard and swing

Good luck. I know it's hard, but your babies love spending all day with you, even if your house isn't a party zone!

mirnb · February 2013

Your babies are just happy to be with you....back in the day people didn't feel the need to "stimulate" their children and kids were able to just be kids and enjoy life as it came. Reading books, taking walks, going to the park, or snuggling on the couch....these are things that are going to make your children feel secure and loved and thats all that matters to them. I totally understand the monotony of a day at home with 2 babies but don't feel like you are doing your kids a disservice by staying home with them! Its probably you who get a bit bored (understandably going from working to being at home all the time is tough) but they don't need programs or outings to develop into secure, intelligent and happy little people. They just need a mom who loves them. I'm sure you're doing a great job...take it easy on yourself!

mamatotwins0812 · February 2013

Wow you ladies literally made me breathe a sigh of relief. I think sometimes we all just need to hear the obvious from an outsider. You're so right. Thanks for the tips (I just planned a zoo date for the 3 of us on Wednesday), and for the encouragement!! I really appreciate it.

AmyJoy728 · February 2013

I'm in PA where it is cold, so we don't go out much at all. I try to make sure we change up the scenery to keep them interested. After breakfast we play in their room and the rest of the day we play in the living room.

trish3905 · February 2013

mirnb:
Your babies are just happy to be with you....back in the day people didn't feel the need to "stimulate" their children and kids were able to just be kids and enjoy life as it came. Reading books, taking walks, going to the park, or snuggling on the couch....these are things that are going to make your children feel secure and loved and thats all that matters to them. I totally understand the monotony of a day at home with 2 babies but don't feel like you are doing your kids a disservice by staying home with them! Its probably you who get a bit bored (understandably going from working to being at home all the time is tough) but they don't need programs or outings to develop into secure, intelligent and happy little people. They just need a mom who loves them. I'm sure you're doing a great job...take it easy on yourself!

Well said!

ERINPETERSON · February 2013

I am also a SAHM and have days where I feel this way. I make sure to remind myself that my son will soon have the twins to play with and that this is the time for he and I to enjoy each other until they arrive.

We play after breakfast, read books, play with his truck in the basement, we have water play time (he loves water) go to the children's museum, the aquarium, shopping visit his cousins.

Some days we just snuggle or watch Nebraska Public Television and veg out Being with mommy is the most rewarding time for your baby. The other ladies had the best feedback. I think you're doing just fine

Reilly626 · February 2013

Oh don't feel guilty! I'm a first time sahm and I thought it would be all about play dates and coffee with other moms and boy was I wrong! We are in too bc I'm afraid of them getting sick and just the cold winter. Sometimes I feel like all I do is stare out a window! It's the winter blahs too!
I wish I could stay hat home till they were 2, so I'm soaking this all up before going back when they are 14 months. I feel guilty about daycare! Us women just beat ourselves up!

mamatotwins0812 · February 2013

Reilly626:
Oh don't feel guilty! I'm a first time sahm and I thought it would be all about play dates and coffee with other moms and boy was I wrong! We are in too bc I'm afraid of them getting sick and just the cold winter. Sometimes I feel like all I do is stare out a window! It's the winter blahs too! I wish I could stay hat home till they were 2, so I'm soaking this all up before going back when they are 14 months. I feel guilty about daycare! Us women just beat ourselves up!

so true. I thought the same thing about play dates and coffee lol. We are actually moving back up north (possibly jersey), from fl where I am lucky enough to be able to take them out whenever I want. The weathers going to be a tough transition for me!

Thanks again ladies!!

BananaPancake · February 2013

trish3905:
mirnb:
Your babies are just happy to be with you....back in the day people didn't feel the need to "stimulate" their children and kids were able to just be kids and enjoy life as it came. Reading books, taking walks, going to the park, or snuggling on the couch....these are things that are going to make your children feel secure and loved and thats all that matters to them. I totally understand the monotony of a day at home with 2 babies but don't feel like you are doing your kids a disservice by staying home with them! Its probably you who get a bit bored (understandably going from working to being at home all the time is tough) but they don't need programs or outings to develop into secure, intelligent and happy little people. They just need a mom who loves them. I'm sure you're doing a great job...take it easy on yourself!
Well said!

This exactly! Your babies don't remember yesterday and they have no idea that they're doing the exact same thing again today. They care about one thing and one thing only - knowing that Mama is there smiling at them. Being home with babies this age is BORING for you, but they're thrilled just to roll around and play with their toys. Decades ago, babies didn't have any of the programs and groups they have now and generations of thinkers evolved. Giving them things to do is great, but the best way to keep them stimulated is by reading aloud, talking to them and listening to music. Find a library story time for little babies - doing that once a week will be more than enough for them!

You are doing a GREAT job. For any mama, these 5-14 months is hell regardless of the number of kids you have. They're needy and fractious, but they don't really know why, and not for the same reasons you would be. They're hitting milestones like crazy, and that is absolutely exhausting. Just doing tummy time and learning to scoot around is taking ALL of their mental energy!

Hang in there - I know all too well how hard it is, especially in these winter months.

And here is a great little blog post I read the other day - https://www.patheos.com/blogs/buildingcathedrals/2013/02/atta-girl/ - it's not clicky, but it was so refreshing and nice to read. Winter, mommyhood and life are hard - go easy on yourself. :-)

mamatotwins0812 · February 2013

BananaPancake:
trish3905:
mirnb:
Your babies are just happy to be with you....back in the day people didn't feel the need to "stimulate" their children and kids were able to just be kids and enjoy life as it came. Reading books, taking walks, going to the park, or snuggling on the couch....these are things that are going to make your children feel secure and loved and thats all that matters to them. I totally understand the monotony of a day at home with 2 babies but don't feel like you are doing your kids a disservice by staying home with them! Its probably you who get a bit bored (understandably going from working to being at home all the time is tough) but they don't need programs or outings to develop into secure, intelligent and happy little people. They just need a mom who loves them. I'm sure you're doing a great job...take it easy on yourself!
Well said!

This exactly! Your babies don't remember yesterday and they have no idea that they're doing the exact same thing again today. They care about one thing and one thing only - knowing that Mama is there smiling at them. Being home with babies this age is BORING for you, but they're thrilled just to roll around and play with their toys. Decades ago, babies didn't have any of the programs and groups they have now and generations of thinkers evolved. Giving them things to do is great, but the best way to keep them stimulated is by reading aloud, talking to them and listening to music. Find a library story time for little babies - doing that once a week will be more than enough for them!
You are doing a GREAT job. For any mama, these 5-14 months is hell regardless of the number of kids you have. They're needy and fractious, but they don't really know why, and not for the same reasons you would be. They're hitting milestones like crazy, and that is absolutely exhausting. Just doing tummy time and learning to scoot around is taking ALL of their mental energy!
Hang in there - I know all too well how hard it is, especially in these winter months.
And here is a great little blog post I read the other day - https://www.patheos.com/blogs/buildingcathedrals/2013/02/atta-girl/ - it's not clicky, but it was so refreshing and nice to read. Winter, mommyhood and life are hard - go easy on yourself. :-)
GREAT blog post and very timely. Thanks

hayleydeee · February 2013

I'm really late on this post, but hopefully you still check it.

As a SAHM myself I know what you mean, and I understand completely! What has really helped me is researching "back to basic" parenting and education styles (things like reading about early Waldorf Education, and great books like Simplicity Parenting). It's OKAY for little kids and babies to be at home; it's even good for them!

At this young age all that extra stuff is more for the parents IMO. Babies don't need much. Most likely the things they'll encounter around your house will be plenty of stimulation. They don't need fancy activities and classes, especially when they can learn so much from simple things like banging a wooden spoon on a pot

If YOU need to get out of the house for your own sanity, then by all means do. But please don't do it because you feel guilty about depriving your babies. Having a calm, predictable and stable place to explore will be enough for them.

ETA Have you found the SAHM board? It's a great group of moms.

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