Advice for a first time mom

Aris Aneshansley · February 2013

Hey ladies,

As I approach my third trimester all I think about is giving birth to my child. I can?t wait to meet him! When I first learned I was pregnant my birth plan was simple. Give me the drugs! As I got further along in my pregnancy I started to do a lot of research on birth. I realized that there are so many benefits to a natural child birth. That nothing is more special. I don?t want to miss out on this experience. I want this to be our birth experience. I thought I would have plenty of support. Women have being giving birth on their own for centuries! The truth is every time I mention my plan for a natural birth everyone just laughs at me. They say I am going to beg for the epidural. Basically they say I can?t do it. I hate being surrounded by all this negativity. My husband supports my decision but still has his doubts that everything will go smoothly. I know things don?t go according to plan. I know that there are instances that require medical intervention. My goal is to have a healthy baby boy. So if things don?t go as planned I am prepared to accept a new birth plan. All I am saying is can you blame a girl for trying? For not taking the easy approach? I was wondering if anyone has any advice for me. Any techniques that helped you? What gave you the strength? Can I do this?

vintagejjane · February 2013

The thing that helped me the most was mentally preparing myself with this, "Yes, it's going to hurt, but it's only temporary." I told my husband to tell me that over and over again while I was in labor. I would really recommend reading and researching as much as you can!

sschwege · February 2013

I agree with pp research is key! I really like the book, "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth", also "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth".

Have you spoken to your healthcare provider about your desire to have a med-free birth? I think sometimes the biggest challenge is finding someone who will support you. I wrote up a birth plan both times, just to make sure my wishes were clear and we were all on the same page.

Have you considered taking a class, Bradley or Hypnobirthing? I did Hypnobirthing both times and had a great experience.

KateLouise · February 2013

A few different thinsg helped me:

1) Knowing why I wanted a natural birth.

2) a chart of different labouring positions I had looked at. I didn't think, "now I will try position x" but as I naturally moved into positions that felt most comfortable (that were on that chart) it helped me to know that my body was naturally working to help the baby move down the birth canal.

3) My husband was really supportive and kept telling me what a great job I was doing.

In hindsight I was fortunate to have relatively short labours. I think often it's the length of the labour that gets to women because you get exhausted. For that reason I think it's really important to look after yourself in early labour. nap, keep hydrated, eat nourishing food, because it's helping you prepare for the longhaul.

Also don't share your plans with negative people. It won't really help you in the long run.

NoeliaV · February 2013

I think, for me, I was bound and determined to make it without pain meds come hell or high water. My sheer stubbornness carried me through most of labor.

For my husband, he did a lot of reading on the labor and birth process. Educating himself so that he wasn't scared during any of the stages was really important. That way, he was really able to focus on supporting me.

equinechic · February 2013

::coming out of lurkdom::

I am just getting to 2nd tri but already know I want to go natural. In addition the above mentioned things, I've found that just keeping it to myself is the best way to avoid the unwanted opinions. It's like people can't not tell you how bad its going to be. Um, I never said it was gonna be a walk in the park, but you make certain choices for the welfare of your children and in this case we can prepare for them. If someone offers up the "gets the drugs" thing I'm like oh ok. I avoid it where and when I can b/c ultimately its up to me and my DH.
::return to lurkdom::

anc5 · February 2013

I've had the same reactions when I tell people I want a med free birth. When they ask me why I would put myself through all that pain, I tell them because my child's health is worth it. My mom and DH's family also think we are crazy and because of that they will not be there when I go into labor. This is what we want and no one will tell us otherwise.

So please don't listen to people that will make you dought yourself and like everyone said do some research. Also there are some amazing stories that people have shared on this board. Reading them just makes me feel stronger and ready for the challenge.

aylafsu88 · February 2013

NB is all about your mental state. If you believe you can do it and you have supportive people around you cheering you on-then you will do it. For me that was the key. My doula and H made me feel like I was a rock star during L&D so that I never once doubted myself. The other big thing is to tell yourself it will hurt, it will be painful, and you will be uncomfortable. By acknowledging these things you wont be surprised by the contractions and their intensity. Remember L&D is only temporary. The pain that you feel will go away and it is pain with a purpose. You can do it!

jennyelf · February 2013

A PP mentioned length of labor and exhaustion as one of the reasons women need an epidural or other interventions. One of the things that I think helped me a lot was the fact I exercised pretty much up until I delivered. I biked up to 38 weeks and I went to the gym 3-5 days a week for up to an hour a day. I was in really good shape before I got pregnant and kept with it during my pregnancy. My labor lasted 29 hours and I was still strong enough and had enough energy to push at the end.

crunchylove77 · February 2013

NoeliaV:
I think, for me, I was bound and determined to make it without pain meds come hell or high water. My sheer stubbornness carried me through most of labor.

This. I took all those negative comments and channeled them to help me. And honestly, I think people exaggerate labor way to much. I realize that every birth is different and pain tolerances vary, but I can think of plenty of things that would be more painful. YOU CAN DO THIS!

pdilly2b · February 2013

jennyelf:
A PP mentioned length of labor and exhaustion as one of the reasons women need an epidural or other interventions. One of the things that I think helped me a lot was the fact I exercised pretty much up until I delivered. I biked up to 38 weeks and I went to the gym 3-5 days a week for up to an hour a day. I was in really good shape before I got pregnant and kept with it during my pregnancy. My labor lasted 29 hours and I was still strong enough and had enough energy to push at the end.

This was me too. I was in labor for 36 hours, but pushing only took 20 min and I attribute that to being in shape and pushing in positions that open the pelvis - namely squatting and on all 4s.

I also agree with others about being knowledgable about the benefits of going med free and what to expect. For me, this meant taking natural childbirth classes, but others do it just by reading up on their own. I think fetal position is also really important so make labor less painful. www.spinningbabies.com is a good source. I did lots of pelvic tilts every day and tried to sit in straight-backed chairs without crossing my legs.

jaimekoll · February 2013

I am in the same boat. First time mom, planning on going natural. I always thought i'd have an epidural, but afteer reading Ina May's book and a few others, I decided I can do this. I think the benefits will be overwhelming. It's gonna hurt like hell, but the end result will be awesome. You can do it! When are you due?

elle_bee · February 2013

You just described myself with my first pregnancy. I remember my doctor asking me about drugs at one of our first appointments and I was like sure I'll take drugs, why not. About halfway through I had done a complete 180 and around 30 weeks I hired a doula. Now I've had two natural births and am planning my third

I agree with a lot of PPs in their advice, so much of it is mental, and going into it saying I'll get the epidural if I need to is probably not setting you up for success.

Also just try to surround yourself as much as possible by people who support your decision. Immerse yourself in all things natural birth, don't watch a Baby story or anything related! Get a doula if you can afford it, and really try to get your husband on board as much as possible, I had mine read excerpts from husband coached childbirth by Bradley which I think helped a lot.

Also as some PPs mentioned, approach this like a big marathon/sporting event, exercise, and try to get your body in shape for the big event as much as possible.

Finally when going through tough contractions it was helpful for me to keep thinking (and having my DH and doula remind me) that my body was meant to do this and every contraction was accomplishing something, it wasn't pain for no reason, it was hard work getting me closer to my new baby!

MyNameWasTaken · February 2013

First, I wince at your use of the phrase "for not taking the easy approach". As I understand it, no approach to birth is an easy one.

Anyway, I had a waterbirth at a free-standing birthing center with a midwife. It was an amazing experience! Yes, it hurt; but in my case, only transition was the part where I felt like I couldn't deal with the pain, and that was only during contractions. It didn't hurt between contractions. Just take each contraction at a time. Don't worry about the next one. Just breath and move in whatever way is most comfortable to get through that contraction, and know that a break is coming right after it. When transition hits, the contractions are going to effin' hurt. Bad. Just try to relax. Tensing up will make it worse. Do some research on the different stages of labor and on the pain mechanism, that way, you're going in educated on what's going on. Pushing is the easy part (was for me, anyway).

All in all, it wasn't as bad as what I'd anticipated. Have confidence, educate yourself, and be flexible. GL!

WanderingA · February 2013

I'm 17 weeks with my first and opting for a drug-free birth center birth. I've told quite a few people and amazingly haven't gotten any negative reactions yet other then the "Wow, you're...brave."

For me, it's important to go into birth without any fear. I am taking hypnobirthing classes to address the little fear that I do have. I have also told my husband many times that his most important moment is going to be during my transition when I know I am going to be pushed to my limits and feel like giving up. I need reassurance from him that I can do it, and that the pain is only temporary and means that we will see our baby soon. Read positive birth stories, talk to your husband about his supporting (and advocating) role, talk to your doctor and have a written birth plan.

Best of luck!

Rlady923 · February 2013

Thank you for posting this, OP!! I know how you feel. I'm doing some research myself and have found that some people have a negative attitude about natural childbirth, (even my general practitioner) but I need to stay strong! We are considering hiring a doula for the extra needed support. My family is supportive, husband is too but he is like yours, being that this is our first baby I don't blame him for being a bit apprehensive. We can do this! Smile

lalamakita · February 2013

I know I'm repeating what's been said, but I agree with everything here

--doula, it will be worth every last cent. I couldn't have done it without her and the DH, of course. But it was more I couldn't have done it without him, and he says he couldn't have done it without her!

-- good, positive calm attitude, which your doula will help foster. (I also did hypnobirthng, but think the actual exercises only got me through the early stages of labor, but having the relaxation tools helped in general)

-- supportive docs/staff - I know my doc was very supportive, but he was only there for the last few minutes! The nurses were probably neutral. But having the doula, quiet music, dim lights sent a strong message to the nurses to stay back (except for the direct medical stuff)

-- concrete reasons you know it's good to stay strong and to persevere-- all the positives for a med free birth, for you and baby-- write them on cards (or posters around the room! so you can focus on them if needed.

-- and I'll always remember the high I got just after birth, better than anything! I was so tired in transition and pushing but the the endorphins released and I was giddy afterwards, and stayed up all night with the little guy. I'm really looking forward to that again. (it's like I say the only reason I (did) ski was for the hot tub at te end of the day! Lol!)

You can do it.

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