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Blended Families
CFjo2010
member
Makes me kinda sad
CFjo2010
member
Given all the drama surrounding my nomination for next year's PTA President position, things have been really tense at the school lately. For the most part I've just gone about my business and avoided any discussion regarding BM's threat to quit if I'm elected. I've actually avoided discussing the upcoming election at all and whenever it gets brought up I immediately change the subject to the Carnival in June. It hasn't been easy dodging the questions, but I'm doing my frigging best.
I received an email "signed" by a few of the PTA Board members this evening, thanking me for not engaging in the gossip. The email said, "We appreciate your maturity and commend you for not making this process more difficult than it already is. Your actions and focus on the school and the students further proves how qualified you are for the position as President. From our own personal standpoints, your ability to disassociate yourself from the gossip demonstrates a level of class and integrity that most would not expect from a woman in your position. It would be easy for you to stoop to the level of others and make disparaging comments in an effort to defend yourself, yet you don't. For that, we thank you." This email made me tear up and I wanted to share it with you because while I'm flattered by their opinions, it makes me pretty sad.
How sad it is that one's refusal to badmouth someone is worthy of special recognition? Has our society really become that catty and juvenile that people expect the worse from each other? I know that BM has said things about me and my husband, but has she said so many things that our refusal to speak ill of her stands out that much? Shouldn't good behavior be expected from adults?
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Re: Makes me kinda sad
That is a nice email. I do find (as a past PTA president) that even things like that are weird drama. An email to say something nice is something they have all discussed - and your whole, entire situation including a play by play of what BM has said and conjecture as to what exactly is true. You are right that it is sad, because even things that seem on face so simple and kind typically have an edge of some sort....in this case, it would oog me out that they were even talking about it. And emailed as a group. After they talked about it.
Keep doing what you are doing and hopefully the gossip mill will slow down next year (and K will still be there, BM will keep here there regardless of the upcoming election).
Who are you? Also, learn to use a period.
Back to your rock now.
Sorry to post and run last night, but I've got an 8 week old who decided she needed to nurse every 45 minutes....
I know the women who sent the email pretty well. While I agree that they have obviously talked about the situation and it bothers me, I also feel like they haven't had much of a choice but to talk about it. After BM threatened to quit when I was first nominated there was a discussion among the Board regarding whether or not to bring the nomination to my attention. Unfortunately BM has made the conflict very well known so it's an issue that is frequently brought up.
So you were the PTA President and lived to tell the tale?! You mean some people actually survive after serving?!
If you haven't been involved with the PTA, how can you form an opinion about the members? I sincerely hope that when your children are of school age you are more supportive of the PTA and make an effort to join. The PTA sponsors so many fabulous activities and programs for the students. I know our PTA, which I'm very proud to be a member of, raises the most money in our school district and is therefore able to provide far more family activities then the other elementary schools. And all of that is possible thanks to the "crazy moms who make big deals out of nothing". Also, we have several fathers who are part of the PTA, my husband included. It's a shame you would consider providing activities for the students and their families "nothing".
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You should totally do it and will rock it. I get the crazy dynamic with BM and so feel for you.
I will say the hardest part was the people management. I would get emails from people about things that hurt their feelings and they actually expected me to fix it. "so and so said such and such at the meeting this week and I don't think that was appropriate". Not as a formal part of the meeting - but while they were chatting. It was that kind of stuff that drove me insane.
Oh geez. Thankfully we have a pretty amazing group of parents and several teachers involved in the PTA. All of our meetings have been about 98% drama and gossip free thanks to the current President. She shuts that crap down immediately, which I plan to do as well. I know when you get 20-30 women together there are bound to be a few "bad seeds" who are still harboring a high school mentality, but we're really lucky in that we really only have a handful of those people. And those handful of people (which includes 2 men) head off to Happy Hour together after the meetings and do their gossiping.
Thank you for your support!! As the election gets closer I'm finding myself excited, anxious and second-guessing this whole thing. I keep telling myself that as long as I stay focused on the enrichment of the students then I'll survive the 2 year term unscathed, but I'm still pretty freaked out
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This exacly. All of it. If someone talked bad about my child it would be incredibly difficult for me to not retaliate. I commend your ability to not engage the crazy!
I get exactly what you are saying. It is sad. This chick sounds like a real peach. The whole situation is just stupid. However, the only thing you can control in this situation is your own behavior. And obviously you are handling yourself with nothing but dignity and class. On top of that, you are managing to put the kids first - exactly where they should be. Obviously BM doesn't understand that. Which could be why SHE was not nominated for president instead of you - or even with you. For me, I would be happy to get an email like that. It means that the other women understand what I am doing and are taking my behavior exactly as it was meant. Your point is getting across here. As sad as the whole situation is - don't let it get you down. You can't stress about stuff you can't control.
Kudos to you. Because it is harder than you are giving it credit for not to respond to a person like that. Trust me, I know. And I hope that somewhere deep inside you, you get some satisfaction too that her bahavior is being recognized for what it is. Not that you would admit it.
I say do what you want to do, and don't let BM influence your decisions.
I was always turned off by how the PTA Mom's operate, so I did what I could to help in the classroom, and donated money but couldn't bring myself to partake in the drama. It sounds like you have a good president though!
You seem really angry about the PTA at your school. I commend your husband for doing the Fair, I chair the annual Carnival and it's 2 months of headaches to put that together.
I know the stereotype is that SAHMs run the PTA, but all of our Board members (other than BM) work. And there wasn't any drama among the PTA until BM joined and started using it for her own personal agenda. If your "wink wink" comment was meant to imply that I'm going to start telling people at school about the email I received, let me set the record straight and assure you I have no intention of sharing that info with anyone. I didn't respond to the email and I didn't even tell my husband about the email because I know he'll read into it that BM is badmouthing me and he'll get upset. I agree that the email was unnecessary, but not for the reasons you stated. I just feel that all adults should keep their personal issues out of the children's school and set a better example.
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Ditto.