DE offer..WWYD?

J&D2007 · February 2013

So, I called my sister last night after my wtf appt (which I posted about yesterday). Basically I've been told I probably have crappy eggs. DH and I have told no one about our IF struggles or that we have done ivf at all. I really needed her advice, so I called her and told her everything that has been going on. She says 'why don't you just take my eggs'. Hmmm... Really? I have not thought of this. Although she is a year and a half older than me, she has 3 healthy children ( and as she told me, she struggled because it took her 3 whole months of trying for her second one!? ) Anyway, is this a completely weird and crazy idea? I did make a quick RE call and they say its just fine to have an older relative as long as they've had healthy children of their own.. I am sure I will try ivf at least one more time with OE, but I wonder if this could be my back up plan? Is this crazy?

Mrs.McIrish · February 2013

It is not crazy at all but don't wait very long if she is 36.5 or 37. It will take a few months to get her tested etc. This my sound crazy but technically you could cycle her now and freeze embryos to transfer later when/if you decide you are done trying with your OEs. Obviously there is a cost factor involved in doing that and continuing to cycle yourself.

My sister did offer me her eggs last year. But she was 40 so I never "really" had to consider it. But, as your sister, she had 2 kids back to back at 35 and 37 which happened the first month. So her eggs were probably still way better than mine. You have to ask yourself about how it will affect your relationship with your sister-- will she involve herself too much in how you parent? In the back of my head, I could hear my sister saying if we had a fight "yeah, well X is really my baby not yours". Would this actually happen? Hopefully not but it was too much for me to have a known donor. You should post this on the 3rd party Repro board- you'll get a bigger picture over ther I think.

kflynn81 · February 2013

Mrs.McIrish:

It is not crazy at all but don't wait very long if she is 36.5 or 37. It will take a few months to get her tested etc. This my sound crazy but technically you could cycle her now and freeze embryos to transfer later when/if you decide you are done trying with your OEs. Obviously there is a cost factor involved in doing that and continuing to cycle yourself.

My sister did offer me her eggs last year. But she was 40 so I never "really" had to consider it. But, as your sister, she had 2 kids back to back at 35 and 37 which happened the first month. So her eggs were probably still way better than mine. You have to ask yourself about how it will affect your relationship with your sister-- will she involve herself too much in how you parent? In the back of my head, I could hear my sister saying if we had a fight "yeah, well X is really my baby not yours". Would this actually happen? Hopefully not but it was too much for me to have a known donor. You should post this on the 3rd party Repro board- you'll get a bigger picture over ther I think.

I agree with this. I have a friend who is overly anxious to give me her eggs and I always felt that she had altruistic motives so I don't bring up IF too much as to avoid the topic. But if you feel you and she wouldn't have issues in that regard , what a great idea and thoughtful of your sister!

And yes! Hurray for the 3rd party board....try there too!!

Lacyj67 · February 2013

I think you should let your self think this through for a while. My sister also offered her eggs but she has never had kids, is obese, and 35. I thought it was nice of her but when I really though about it it made my stomach turn thinking of my sisters egg and my husbands sperm. I'd much rather it be someone I don't know or pick a DE. I've put a lot if thought into this over the last few months and everyone is different. But it was a instant feeling I couldn't deny of oh no can't do my sisters eggs! I think she was a little hurt by me denying her but its ultimately me and DHs decision and that's all that matters In the end. Good luck with whatever you choose!

Gregermis · February 2013

It's not crazy at all! Your sis is super sweet to offer!! McIrish brings up a good point though

Reilly626 · February 2013

I would continue trying with my own eggs and use hers as last resort. After five years a dear friend used her cousins egg and it worked- it took a few tries. She is happy as a clam. Best of luck in your decision.

J&D2007 · February 2013

Lacyj67:
I think you should let your self think this through for a while. My sister also offered her eggs but she has never had kids, is obese, and 35. I thought it was nice of her but when I really though about it it made my stomach turn thinking of my sisters egg and my husbands sperm. I'd much rather it be someone I don't know or pick a DE. I've put a lot if thought into this over the last few months and everyone is different. But it was a instant feeling I couldn't deny of oh no can't do my sisters eggs! I think she was a little hurt by me denying her but its ultimately me and DHs decision and that's all that matters In the end. Good luck with whatever you choose!

its funny, because instead of making my stomach turn it makes me very happy. Knowing I guess that the baby would still be family, still have part of my genes, etc.I definitely need to think more, but my initial gut is very excited!

J&D2007 · February 2013

Mrs.McIrish:
It is not crazy at all but don't wait very long if she is 36.5 or 37. It will take a few months to get her tested etc. This my sound crazy but technically you could cycle her now and freeze embryos to transfer later when/if you decide you are done trying with your OEs. Obviously there is a cost factor involved in doing that and continuing to cycle yourself.
My sister did offer me her eggs last year. But she was 40 so I never "really" had to consider it. But, as your sister, she had 2 kids back to back at 35 and 37 which happened the first month. So her eggs were probably still way better than mine. You have to ask yourself about how it will affect your relationship with your sister-- will she involve herself too much in how you parent? In the back of my head, I could hear my sister saying if we had a fight "yeah, well X is really my baby not yours". Would this actually happen? Hopefully not but it was too much for me to have a known donor. You should post this on the 3rd party Repro board- you'll get a bigger picture over ther I think.

thats an interesting idea, I haven't thought of freezing at all. Thanks for the thought. I would not be worried in our situation about it affecting our relationship going forward. We have a good relationship and she is really a great person, so thankfully I know we wouldn't have that type of problem. But, I do have a lot to think about!

hootie123 · February 2013

It's also something my sister has offered. We didn't get in a deep discussion about it b/c at the time I didn't think I would even need them. But now it is something I may need. I've went back and forth in my mind about the pros and cons of it - the same issues the other ladies mentioned above. Still not sure yet how I feel about it. But it is definitely something that is done and can be done. GL!

PrettyAccountant · February 2013

Honestly, it is not crazy but only you know your sister best. My sister offered me the same thing to me because she has 4 healthy kids but I refused and came up with a story that my dr said he couldn't do it. Like PP said, my sister would not hesitate to somehow mention who's child this really was. Too much for me to handle since I am sure she would come out and say something like "you know, baby PA is part mine".

may2806 · February 2013

J&D2007:
Lacyj67:
I think you should let your self think this through for a while. My sister also offered her eggs but she has never had kids, is obese, and 35. I thought it was nice of her but when I really though about it it made my stomach turn thinking of my sisters egg and my husbands sperm. I'd much rather it be someone I don't know or pick a DE. I've put a lot if thought into this over the last few months and everyone is different. But it was a instant feeling I couldn't deny of oh no can't do my sisters eggs! I think she was a little hurt by me denying her but its ultimately me and DHs decision and that's all that matters In the end. Good luck with whatever you choose!
its funny, because instead of making my stomach turn it makes me very happy. Knowing I guess that the baby would still be family, still have part of my genes, etc.I definitely need to think more, but my initial gut is very excited!

My sister is also a carrier for Fragile X so it's not really an option for me, but before I knew that it was briefly mentioned between us and I really liked the idea for the same reason you mention - sharing the same genes. I liked that idea better than using an anonymous donor, but I also knew my sister would never think that the baby was "hers." Of course it is a personal decision and you'd need to consider what your relationship with her is like. It's a great option though!

zazu13 · February 2013

What a lovely, selfless gift your sister has offered. Whether you take her up on it or not, I think it's great that you have that kind of relationship with her. Best of luck wwith whatever you decide.

DE offer..WWYD?

Re: DE offer..WWYD?

NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:

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