Starting Ferber tonight. Please tell me it will be okay.
I'm dreading tonight as DH and I decided we need to try the Ferber sleep training method this weekend with our LO. We had been so against letting him cry at all but, in the process, created sleep associations that have us up all night rocking, singing and nursing him back to sleep at every waking.
I tried the No Cry Sleep Solution but most of the stuff in there didn't help.
We used other methods to reduce the dependency on nursing down to one feeding. But he still needs us to put him back to sleep, and he's been up on average 3-4 times (and some nights many more) a night. We're tired and it doesn't seem healthy for him anymore.
Anyway, I am so worried and dreading to hear him cry. Please tell me it will be okay. I'm not a horrible witch of a mother for having to do this, am I?
Re: Starting Ferber tonight. Please tell me it will be okay.
It will be ok
. We did Sleepeasy (kind of) but I think many of them boil down to letting them CIO - she took about 2-3 days and now she goes to sleep at night like a champ. I can't believe how much time we used to spend rocking, swaying, singing, nursing, etc to get her to sleep before, now she definately prefers going to sleep on her own in her crib, over falling asleep in our arms (at night anyway. Naps are a different story!). If she wakes up at night (rarely does) she goes back to sleep so easily.
It will be ok!!
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It was hard but by staying consistent it has been the best thing for him. Good luck!!
You're not a terrible mother. It's healthy to try to find the best way for your baby to sleep well.
For us, leaving the room completely to let our LO CIO didn't work. He would get more and more worked up, and then take hours to settle down.
The Sleep Lady's book was much more helpful than No Cry Sleep Solution. Setting a routine/schedule with a consistent wake up time (give or take an hour) and no naps after 4 pm with a consistent bed time (give or take 30 minutes), plus staying in the room while he settled down -- all those things really made a big difference within just a couple days.
So if Ferber doesn't seem to help you (and of course you'll want to try it for more than one night), you might look into the Sleep Lady. I wasn't entirely satisfied with the book b/c it didn't seem to give enough details on trouble shooting, or different examples or scenarios, and not a ton of info on breaking sleep associations, but I found that there was enough info to get us started and make a difference pretty fast. We went from taking as much as 4 hours to get baby to sleep, and being up 3-5 times a night, to going to sleep right away and waking 1-2 times a night.
Maybe I just have an easy baby, but I don't understand the need for CIO. I really enjoy nursing and then rocking him to sleep at night. He's out within 5 minutes of nursing. When he wakes up around 4:30am or so I nurse him and he falls back asleep in my arms and I'm back in bed within 20 minutes. Then he is up at 7:30.
I don't think I could let my baby cry and cry without going to him.
But no, I don't think you're a horrible mother. Just different approaches I guess.
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This sounds just like me!!! I enjoy rocking my baby.... He's only a baby for so long! One day he won't be very fond of cuddling with his mommy ;
You aren't a horrible mother, but you are falling for the lie that CIO is acceptable. Allowing a baby to cry causes them great distress. It causes permanent emotional and psychological problems. Your LO depends on you for love and comfort. He trusts you to meet his every need. To ignore that is to basically say that you could care less about his welfare. Please rethink your decision.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out
I only want 6 hours or so of sleep. I have very minimal expectations and am continuing one MOTN nursing. My baby is 7 months and has been up at least 4 times or more every night for the last 4 months. We bed shared for a few months but that actually made the night wakings worse. If my baby was only waking once or twice a night, I wouldn't be doing this. It is my last resort for sure.
Yup, easy baby. I'd venture to say that if that was this baby's schedule, she'd be fine with it. But yeah, thanks for making her feel like a crap mom.
Also this. That study is bogus. Psychology Today is not a scientific publication.
Hello all. Thanks to some of you for the reassurance. It was, in fact, okay and actually much better than I expected. He cried for 20 minutes the first night, 45 minutes the second and only fussed for about a minute during all other wakings and the first put down of night #3. We went to him and reassured him on a more frequent schedule than Ferber recommends. And we did pick him up on the second night and rock him for a bit because he was upset. This is such a marked improvement over even many of the nights that we rocked him after every wakings when he would still cry during those times. I was still able to nuse him once in the MOTN with no problem getting him back to sleep quickly.
While I still wish we didn't have to hear him cry at all to get him to sleep better at night, I know we did try everything before doing this. We all seem to be in a much better mood since we all slept better this weekend. I no longer dread getting out of bed in the morning and feel like a better mommy because of it.
To those that judged me and said I was damaging my baby's brain, that is just silly. I am a scientist and did my research and know there are no valid scientifically-based studies that show this. My baby is the center of my universe, I didn't circ him because I didn't want to inflict pain on him as a newborn, we co-slept, he is EBF (and I pump all day at work), he is always being held or paid attention to at home (no TV, or parking in bouncers for lengthy amounts of time), you get my point.
In other words you *are* an awesome mom.
Don't worry, sounds like you are doing what is best for you and your family. Very glad you did your research and aren't letting other people scare you. We did CIO (Ferber) with our LO and it's definitely the best for us as LO STTN and now goes to sleep at night w/o any fussing at all.
This exactly!
Maybe you have an easy baby?? Do ya think?! You don't understand the need for CIO because you don't have a baby that wakes up eight times a night and the only way to get them back to sleep is to nurse them, rock them, sing to them, etc. Did you even read the OP's post? They are up ALL night. That isn't healthy for them OR the baby. It sounds to me like they've done a very good job of trying other methods that simple haven't worked. Don't you dare judge her until you've been in her shoes.
From two months to four months old, my DS also slept long stretches, would eat around 3am, and then go right back to sleep until I woke him up for daycare. Yep. He was such an easy baby. Then the four month wakeful hit, along with a double ear infection as a result of RSV, then teething, and now another cold. I'm so tired that twice now I've almost nodded off while driving to work. I feel like I'm a terrible mom to my DD because I'm so tired that I don't have the energy to play with her the way I want to. I won't sleep train right now because I know he is sick. But once he is better and isn't teething, you better believe we'll be sleep training if he's still waking up multiple times a night, even if that means CIO.
THIS!!
) Hope it went well and that it continues to get better!
For us, it took little mister about 2 nights of fussing when we put him down (first night it went for almost an hour, second night it was 15 minutes). Now we put him down after dinner (solid food), nursing, bath, books, prayers...and he is awake when we lay him down and he goes to sleep within 5-10 minutes with no fussing and sleeps all night.