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Crap. 1st time DD got upset & missed H.

+just+j++just+j+ member
in Blended Families

I handed the phone to DD tonite, went to load the washer and dryer and I come back upstairs and she's by the front door, opening it, with her hat on and boots, wanting her coat. 

I ask her where she's going and she says, "We go bye-byes! I tell her no, we're getting ready for bed and we're not going anywhere tonite. The tears start and I can tell it's not a tantrum. She's devastated.

The phone is sitting on the table, and H is still there. I shut the door, and she starts getting really upset.  H asks what's wrong, I tell him I don't know, and DD is melting down because it's clear to her we aren't going anywhere and she really wants to go.  He tells me to take care of her and call him back when she's calmed down and let him know.

She keeps saying she wants to go bye-bye and I finally hear, "see daddy".

Then it dawns on me. H was probably telling her how he's going to come get her soon for his visit. 

I calm her down, she's so sad and I call H. I ask him what they were talking about before we hung up. He says, "I don't remember".  Seriously??  So I ask him if he mentioned coming to get her. "Yeah" he says.

Well you can't do that anymore. Choose your words carefully because that's what she's upset about.  I tell him he needs to start taking his weekends when he gets his first paycheck because it's obvious she's really startingto miss him. I got no real commitment from him.

For now, I'm going to just take that as he's not sure when his first paycheck is coming. He likes to talk big about coming to get her, so he damn well better.  I can't see my daughter go thru what SD apparently went thru. We'll see who was telling the truth in the years to come. H or BM.  I know one thing, if he doesn't take his time with her and he breaks DD's heart repeatedly, I'm going to break something of his. 

It's so sad watching her really miss him.  As long as he keeps his visits, I can handle it. If he doesn't...that's an entirely different story. 

"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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Re: Crap. 1st time DD got upset & missed H.

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member

    Ugh, I am so sorry for your DD.  I really hope he steps up for your DD and that if he does not that he will have the good sense to drop off the face of Earth and never pull the in and out crap that happened with his other kids.  :(

     And where are pictures, lol.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • karatechrissykaratechrissy member

    That makes me so sad... I think our DD's are close in age, and I can just see my daughter doing the same thing and it breaks my heart if I had to see her go through that. :-(

    I hope he does what he says he will. I read a statistic study thing last week, it said that children between ages 2-6 bond with the parent of the opposite sex most during those years and that those years define what their relationship will be for the rest of their life pretty much. It really hit me hard when I read that.

    Keep doing what you're doing, J. You are a good mom and you have gotta be strong to be able to calmly deal with your baby girl that upset about her dad.  

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Karate- that's what they said in the co-parenting class we took.  This and the pre teen years are critical in how she views men and her overall relationships with other people. H can be a major factor in that and I hope he steps up.

    Jen - I really suck at posting them here.I have to relearn every time. I'll try and figure it out when I'm not constanty interupted by DD.  I can't wait to get the professional ones printed. I'll be sure to post those when I can.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • 2chatter2chatter member

    I agree that kids don't have a strong grasp of time and that the comments need to be limited.  Even at 5 DD here sometimes melts down when ex says he misses her and wishes he could see her and he will see her on the weekend.  She "gets" the timeframe but it's too much to put on her - how he feels.

    My phrase with the girls is "be happy where you are" and I say that to them when they miss their Dad here and when they call me crying that they want to come home when they are with their Dad.

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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    Many court orders will specify for a parent that doesn't show up that they need to call the night before the visit to confirm and then 1 hour before the visit.  This way you won't have to tell her that she's going to see her Dad until you know he's on the way.
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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
    image+just+j+:

    I know one thing, if he doesn't take his time with her and he breaks DD's heart repeatedly, I'm going to break something of his. 

    Glad to see you have a plan. 

    In all seriousness though, praying for your DD's comfort.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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