Widowed with embryos

doggie mama · February 2013

Hello, I used to frequent the IF, TTTC, and July 2012 boards, but haven't posted on the Bump in a really long time. Our daughter, Kiera Parker was conceived via IVF after two failed IUIs and is now 6 months old. She is absolutely beautiful.

But my world came crashing a aound me when my husband died October 3, when our daughter was 2 1/2 months old. It was very sudden, and to say I'm devastated doesn't scratch the surface. Kiera is the only reason I get up in the morning. She is the center of my life.

We have four frozen embryos. Initially I thought there was no way I could ever consider implanting another one without my husband. But I decided to table that decision, because I couldn't handle grieving future children and my husband at the same time. I'm still at that point, but I have become more open to the idea of doing it someday.

Recently I learned that our fertility doctor also passed away. I'm saddened by this; he was a good man, he gave us our daughter, and he had a family of his own. I was also hoping to discuss my situation and options with him.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this, since I'm nowhere close to making any decisions about the embryos. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. There are so many dimensions to losing a spouse, and when you add infertility to it... I don't know; I mostly frequent online widow groups now, but few understand the IF piece of it. We worked so hard, had the child we'd both dreamed of, and now he's gone.

mystic_J · February 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain of going through this. I have no advice but HUGE HUGS to you.

Strozyk Hayes · February 2013

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine loosing my husband we are so close. Hold your baby close every day. Sleep with your arm around her. Know you were left with a huge part of him. Talk to him, cry, let the pain out. It wont go away but it may ease with time

having his babies I'm sure is a great honor. You will know when the time comes. You are amazing, hold that precious baby close and let her know her daddy loved her so so much.

kbeach82 · February 2013

I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how difficult losing a spouse must be. Your husband left behind such a special piece of himself in your little girl, something to cherish every day. Your decision to hold off on making any decisions regarding your remaining embryos until you have had the time you need to grieve is very wise. There is no reason to decide one way or another until you are ready. Sending you healing thoughts and hope that your heart will find peace. We are always here to talk if you need support.

amandaleigh1 · February 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. We are here with open arms to give hugs and support as you need them.

mdiblasi10 · February 2013

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice, just lots of (((hugs))).

IBackBevo · February 2013

Your post made me cry. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. You and your daughter are in my prayers.

As strange as this may sound, the only time I have ever heard of a situation like this was in a program on TLC (the one where they follow the Moms through pregnancy and birth) where the Mother ended up with multiples from a similar situation. I wonder if it would be possible to find out her information as she would know what you are going though.

Again, my heart breaks for you and your daughter.

wille2b · February 2013

I am so sorry for your loss, i cannot imagine what you must be feeling. ((BIG HUGS)). you have time to decide, dont rush yourself. we are always here if you need to vent

ccam · February 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Hugs to you!!

CallMeAl · February 2013

You and your LO are in my thoughts. We are here for you while you process everything, of course. I'm glad you reached out! Big hugs.

ELF4321 · February 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how difficult this has all been for you. I lost my dad two weeks after LO was born, and that was hard enough to deal with -- your situation is just unimaginable to me. Hug your baby girl and know that time will help to heal your pain.

imoverit · February 2013

I am so very sorry for your loss. I cant imagine the pain you must feel.

LnR70707 · February 2013

I am so very sorry for your loss. While I know the pain of IF, I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. Lots of thoughts and prayers for you and your daughter.

Mrs.AmyDylan · February 2013

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. It sounds like waiting to make a decision either way is a good idea. Hugs!

queenbone · February 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how heartbreaking that would be. ((HUGE HUGS))

I'd wait on making a decision for your embies until you would have been ready to try again under normal circumstances. As hard as it would be to be a single parent, I think I'd be open to trying again with another embryo.

TJ1979 · February 2013

Huge hugs to you. I am so sorry for your loss, and cannot begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. Take your time making the decision. And feel free to vent here any time you need. Hug that sweet baby tightly and often.

pb_bride · February 2013

My heart aches when I read your post. You are a strong person and a good mom to your DD. I hope you feel comfortable posting here whenever you feel like it.

eponine7682 · February 2013

I can't begin to fathom the pain you are going through, I am so very sorry for your loss. This all just seems to incredibly unfair...to finally get your LO then to lose your husband. Again, I am so sorry and I hope with time you find some peace. Hug that little baby close and I would wait a bit before making any life changing decisions. You have enough to work through right now, but I am certain with time the decision which is best for you and your family will come to you. Many (((hugs))) thoughts and prayers your way.

TXwife9 · February 2013

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I agree with others that you should wait on making any decisions regarding your frozen embies.

Mrs. Mo · February 2013

I am so very sorry for your loss. I honestly cannot even imagine what you are going through. {{{hugs}}}

cbubbles2 · February 2013

I am so, so very sorry for your loss.

Sending many thoughts and prayers for you and your baby girl.

I don't have anything to add other than I think waiting to decide what to do with your embryos couldn't hurt.

((big hugs))

Frankie · February 2013

As I'm sitting here in tears, I also want to let you know how sorry I am for all that you've gone through. I give you SO much credit and respect for posting here as I can't even imagine how hard moving on must be. You are incredibly brave and while none of us have been in your shoes, you are welcome to post here anytime.

I have no clue if this helps or not, but recently my DH and I attempted IVF. Upon going through the consent forms, we had an extremely hard time deciding how to answer several of the "what if" questions regarding potential frozen embryos. In the end, we came upon the decision that should there be frozen embryos and he, for any reason, was not around (unable to make decisions, passed away, etc.), that I would still give all embryos a chance. I also know in my heart that had we not discussed this, that would still be the answer he would have said.

I will definitely continue to think about and pray for your situation. I can only imagine that you're one heck of a great mother to that little girl!!

Reilly626 · February 2013

So sorry for your loss. You have so much to deal with! Personally I would be thankful for my daughter and 2 dogs and enjoy that. Your husband knew of her and one is something. Best of luck in your decision.

Pnut30 · February 2013

I can't even imagine how you must feel. No one should have to go through this. I can't imagine going through that in a perfect situation, then adding the IF issues... I am so very sorry.

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