Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Afraid and starting to question myself
I would probably switch practices at this point. I just delivered with an unsupportive provider, and I had to really be my own advocate. Plus I felt rushed and stressed, so I got an epi I didn't want in an effort to avoid a rcs. Had my own doctor been there, I think it would have made a huge difference. You have 66% chance of having an unsupportive provider, that isn't good odds. Plus a vbac success rate of under 60 is not good. I think national average is 75%, so that personally would make me uncomfortable.
Everything Holly said. You're much better off switching, that doctor sounds terrible (And sexist! Those crazy women and their need for a VBAC, why can't their husbands keep them under control!).
He's trying to scare you out of a VBAC, no question. Do you have an active local ICAN chapter? They can give you names of truly supportive providers.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Little Sister on the Way 04/23/2013
I'd switch if he's killed that many patients. Seriously. That is what he is telling you. Not that VBAC is dangerous, but that he is a terrible, terrible doctor. Either that or he is a liar who wants to scare you into doing what he wants. Either way I would want a different doctor.
That said you do what makes you comfortable. Any kind of birth has risks and you just have to decide which risks you can be most comfortable and at peace with.
This. You are many times more likely to die during a RCS. If you died during the c/s your husband wouldn't be saying the same thing??? This doctor hates/is terrible at his job and doesn't want to bother having to wait around while you are in labor.
I agree that changing practices is the right thing. If you decide to stay, talk to the supportive doctor about this conversation. And if you see the crappy doctor again, tell him you've seen the national stats for VBAC risks and want to know why his patients have apparently had so many negative outcomes (I'd imagine he's actually lying). And ask him about all of the increased risks of a RCS including your death.
I wish there were a way to eradicate terrible doctors. Sorry he was so terrible to you.
This! What an a$$!!!! I'm so sorry! Ignore that motherflvucker.
Thanks guys. I have a call out to a MW - hopefully I can make this transition.
Of all things, this my husband is taking issue with. He doesn't want to change doctors this late in the pregnancy. He said he'll call the doctor and tell him that we are aware of the risks and that I don't care to discuss it with him further. I don't want to NOT discuss it. By all means, if you have valid medical reasons that you think that I am personally not a good fit for VBAC, I would LOVE to hear them, Let's discuss like adults.
But threats and scare tactics - I can't be comfortable at an practice that has no respect for me. I may decide to RCS - but not because of that.
Little Sister on the Way 04/23/2013
Ultimately it is your choice which doctor you see. I don't see why your husband would prefer you continue to receive care from someone who makes you uncomfortable. I am all about open discussions with your spouse, but ultimately this is YOUR decision. You are giving birth one way or another and it is your decision who supports you through that.
Also, you are the patient. Your husband can call them all he wants, but they don't have to listen to a thing he says provided you are still of sound mind.
It might not matter what your DH says to them now, though, there's still a good chance you'll be pressured to just have a RCS while you're laboring, in which case your DH will be on the front lines of that, too.
Hopefully the MW will give you good news!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
i believe you'll be fine switching practices if you're no later than 35 weeks. i tried switching at 39 weeks, but i think to completely understand the new practices, you need the other weeks.
my male OB was the same way. he seemed VBAC friendly and then switched on me and made it seem like it was super dangerous. find someone who is supportive!! RCS can be much more/just as dangerous as VBACs. the statistics didn't seem that high with fatalities that i looked at. even the hospital gave me stats and they seemed...minor compared to the RCS.
my nurse this past time did VBACs all the time on an indian reservation (because VBACs are cheaper, not because they're safer) and she had only witnessed 1 rupture in the 17 years she assisted. if you feel you're confident, then keep fighting for your desicion! i fought for mine until the last hour and i have a healthy daughter who is three weeks old. i had hypertension, arrested dilation, distress because of the cord, too big of a baby (even though she was only 7.8)...etc. i still got my VBAC,