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Dads & Dads-to-be
So sorry in advance for making such a long post and also posting in the dads to be section. I'm new to this site and am having a hard time navigating it and would like input from a makes perspective.
I got pregnant from a guy who I dated very briefly and nothing ever came from us dating. We had amazing sex so we continued being f buddies. Not the classiest decision, I know.
Well I got pregnant
He has gone back forth up down side to side about how he feels about it. Literally every emotion you can think of he has gone through it and dragged me with him. We got to a point where we both were on the same page. Or so I thought. We are having the baby, as two seperate people but we need to have the best relationship possible for the baby. We need to go to counseling together, meet twice a week for lunch/ dinner dating other people while pregnant is a no no and would be unfair to all parties involved. We discussed baby names, what gender we wanted, told our families.
On our first drs appt I should have been 810 weeks. Well the dr could only see a sack and a shadow of something but nothing big enough to measure so she referred us to go to a hospital the following day because they have higher tech machines and hopefully will be able to measure the shadow. She also let us know there is a possibility that the pregnancy isn't developing. Code for miscarriage
So needless to say I was upset crying because of all this unknown territory. He was extremely supportive and visibly upset himself.
The next day we go to the hospital and same story. They couldn't tell us anything. The dr asked if my periods are regular which of course they are not. I took a test at the end of nov and it was positive. Then two weeks into dec I had bleeding. After telling the dr this she says i probably miscarried and got pregnant again. We she scheduled us to come in a week from that day. If the pregnancy is developing we should have measurable growth and a heartbeat by then.
Throughout this time I was a wreck and so was he. He told me he didn't want me to stress because he was Afraid I'd miscarry.
Well a week goes by and we have out appt. the day before the appt I was a mess. Crying my eyes out and picking a fight with him because I wanted to go to the appt alone. I couldn't handle being told I miscarried and seeing him so hurt. He told me that he need to be there if I miscarry because he wants to be there to hold me and cry with me and 'support eachother' and if it is good news he wants to be there to see his baby and hear the heartbeat and this is his way to bond with his unborn child. All this words, not mine.
I noticed in his phone a girls name popping up and I made a comment about it and asked what was up with it. Asked if he liked her and he said yes. The. Automatically followed with 'I didn't mean that I think I just said that to hurt you I'm sorry' we again discussed that dating other people while I'm pregnant is not ok. I told him if a chick wants to date him while I'm pregnant and mind you NEWLY pregnant then something is wrong with her. He agreed. Said he has no business dating and his focus is work and 'our family'. Which yes we are not together but he's right. Now we are a family.
So it's the day of the ultrasound and sure enough as soon has the ultrasound pic gets on the screen he automatically says 'it grew, I'm a dad' with a big smile before the sonographer even said anything. Well we heard the heartbeat. I cried. He smiled. He seemed so happy. Hugged me right afterwards. Called his best friend before we even got on the freeway to go home. As soon as the friend picks up he says "I'm a dad, were 6 weeks 4 days and x amount of heartbeats per minute'.... Sounds like a proud papa doesn't it???
He gave me a sense of security to be happy about the baby and pregnancy and then he pulled the rug from underneath me.
He told me a long story of how he told his parents and they are upset but coming around and his mom wants a relationship with me. Told me he showed her the ultrasound and she cried because she's happy and it's the first grand baby.
A few days after all this good news something wasn't settling right with me in regards to this girls number in his phone. He has several chick friends. None of which I have ever got a bad vibe from, i called him and questioned him about it. after repeatedly asking him what the real story is he said he kind of likes her, doesnt know if hes going to presue it but probably is and said he made out with her two weeks ago, after my first appt... sweet huh?
well i lost my ***, asked him how his parents would feel if they knew he has one girl pregnant and another hes dating
hung up and called his parents, his mom answered and had no idea who i was let alone that i was pregnant... that was a horrbly awkward call and incredibly eye opening
now im pissed about all these incredibly ellaborate lies... its not about the chick, that is the precursor to finding out he is a liar
the following day, after many failed attempts to contact him i went to his house. his parents were there too.
long story short he told me he doesnt want a relationship with the baby, will only have a financial relationship with the baby and when i told him if thats the case then i want him to sign over parental rights to which he said ok.. he also said he wished i miscarried and wanted to be there to hear to from th dr if i did or didnt
wtf do i do?
i am so beyond hurt and confused about everything
please give me some words of advice or an opinion
Im unsure of if he said these things out of honesty or if he said then to hurt me. I feel like this was his last stich effort to alienate me and hope I decide to have an abortion.
He changed his number and isn't having contact with me. It's been a week and he knows this week I have another ultrasound appt. I'm praying he shows but not expecting it.
I want my child to have a father. The best father. He seemed to be on board and made me think he was going to be an awesome dad. I don't care if we are together or not. A baby deserves to have both parents.
Do I try to give him updates on the pregnancy? Or just back off and consider myself lucky to find out he's a POS now rather than after the baby is born? Apart of me thinks he will come around and we will continue with our original plan of being the best co parents we can but I can't be delusional
ive decided to have the baby. With or without him
Feedback would be appreciated
So sorry in advance for making such a long post and also posting in the dads to be section. I'm new to this site and am having a hard time navigating it and would like input from a makes perspective.
I got pregnant from a guy who I dated very briefly and nothing ever came from us dating. We had amazing sex so we continued being f buddies. Not the classiest decision, I know.
Well I got pregnant
He has gone back forth up down side to side about how he feels about it. Literally every emotion you can think of he has gone through it and dragged me with him. We got to a point where we both were on the same page. Or so I thought. We are having the baby, as two seperate people but we need to have the best relationship possible for the baby. We need to go to counseling together, meet twice a week for lunch/ dinner dating other people while pregnant is a no no and would be unfair to all parties involved. We discussed baby names, what gender we wanted, told our families.
On our first drs appt I should have been 810 weeks. Well the dr could only see a sack and a shadow of something but nothing big enough to measure so she referred us to go to a hospital the following day because they have higher tech machines and hopefully will be able to measure the shadow. She also let us know there is a possibility that the pregnancy isn't developing. Code for miscarriage
So needless to say I was upset crying because of all this unknown territory. He was extremely supportive and visibly upset himself.
The next day we go to the hospital and same story. They couldn't tell us anything. The dr asked if my periods are regular which of course they are not. I took a test at the end of nov and it was positive. Then two weeks into dec I had bleeding. After telling the dr this she says i probably miscarried and got pregnant again. We she scheduled us to come in a week from that day. If the pregnancy is developing we should have measurable growth and a heartbeat by then.
Throughout this time I was a wreck and so was he. He told me he didn't want me to stress because he was Afraid I'd miscarry.
Well a week goes by and we have out appt. the day before the appt I was a mess. Crying my eyes out and picking a fight with him because I wanted to go to the appt alone. I couldn't handle being told I miscarried and seeing him so hurt. He told me that he need to be there if I miscarry because he wants to be there to hold me and cry with me and 'support eachother' and if it is good news he wants to be there to see his baby and hear the heartbeat and this is his way to bond with his unborn child. All this words, not mine.
I noticed in his phone a girls name popping up and I made a comment about it and asked what was up with it. Asked if he liked her and he said yes. The. Automatically followed with 'I didn't mean that I think I just said that to hurt you I'm sorry' we again discussed that dating other people while I'm pregnant is not ok. I told him if a chick wants to date him while I'm pregnant and mind you NEWLY pregnant then something is wrong with her. He agreed. Said he has no business dating and his focus is work and 'our family'. Which yes we are not together but he's right. Now we are a family.
So it's the day of the ultrasound and sure enough as soon has the ultrasound pic gets on the screen he automatically says 'it grew, I'm a dad' with a big smile before the sonographer even said anything. Well we heard the heartbeat. I cried. He smiled. He seemed so happy. Hugged me right afterwards. Called his best friend before we even got on the freeway to go home. As soon as the friend picks up he says "I'm a dad, were 6 weeks 4 days and x amount of heartbeats per minute'.... Sounds like a proud papa doesn't it???
He gave me a sense of security to be happy about the baby and pregnancy and then he pulled the rug from underneath me.
He told me a long story of how he told his parents and they are upset but coming around and his mom wants a relationship with me. Told me he showed her the ultrasound and she cried because she's happy and it's the first grand baby.
A few days after all this good news something wasn't settling right with me in regards to this girls number in his phone. He has several chick friends. None of which I have ever got a bad vibe from, i called him and questioned him about it. after repeatedly asking him what the real story is he said he kind of likes her, doesnt know if hes going to presue it but probably is and said he made out with her two weeks ago, after my first appt... sweet huh?
well i lost my ***, asked him how his parents would feel if they knew he has one girl pregnant and another hes dating
hung up and called his parents, his mom answered and had no idea who i was let alone that i was pregnant... that was a horrbly awkward call and incredibly eye opening
now im pissed about all these incredibly ellaborate lies... its not about the chick, that is the precursor to finding out he is a liar
the following day, after many failed attempts to contact him i went to his house. his parents were there too.
long story short he told me he doesnt want a relationship with the baby, will only have a financial relationship with the baby and when i told him if thats the case then i want him to sign over parental rights to which he said ok.. he also said he wished i miscarried and wanted to be there to hear to from th dr if i did or didnt
wtf do i do?
i am so beyond hurt and confused about everything
please give me some words of advice or an opinion
Im unsure of if he said these things out of honesty or if he said then to hurt me. I feel like this was his last stich effort to alienate me and hope I decide to have an abortion.
He changed his number and isn't having contact with me. It's been a week and he knows this week I have another ultrasound appt. I'm praying he shows but not expecting it.
I want my child to have a father. The best father. He seemed to be on board and made me think he was going to be an awesome dad. I don't care if we are together or not. A baby deserves to have both parents.
Do I try to give him updates on the pregnancy? Or just back off and consider myself lucky to find out he's a POS now rather than after the baby is born? Apart of me thinks he will come around and we will continue with our original plan of being the best co parents we can but I can't be delusional
ive decided to have the baby. With or without him
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feedback would be appreciated
If you have decided to have the baby, then you have to do what is best for your baby.
1) Hire a lawyer ASAP. Get the DNA test done to confirm that he is the father, and once that is done, get to work on securing the financial obligation that he has as the birthfather. Remember, if he signs over his rights as a father, he is no longer required to provide financial support to the child in many states. That may or may not be the case in your state.
2) Do not get sucked into his drama. RIght now your only two concerns should be your health, and the health of your baby. The drama that this dude is bringing to you is not good for you or the baby, so nip that in the bud right away. A lawyer will help achieve that end game.
3) You are lucky you found out he is a POS right now. A father is not defined by his ability ot create a life, but rather in how he molds and shapes that life once it arrives. I had a birthfather, and I did not meet him until I was in my 30's. I thought I would care, but I really just wanted to disappear from the moment about 2 seconds after I met him. My father was who molded me, played with me, laughed with me, cried with me, too care of me when I was sick.....LOVED ME!!! Do not get caught in the idea that this man can, or will want to, be a father to your child.
My verdict is he's a douche. Sorry
I have zero respect for someone who half-assedly tries to do the right thing, then bolts at the first sign of trouble.
I really, really don't understand why he lied about telling his mom. It suggests serious character and honesty issues on his part. He could have easily told you the truth.
I will take a step back and say "we're not together but you can't date anyone else" is a terrible arrangement. Either you are independent people agreeing to raise the child you parented together, or you are together. These sort of inbetweener situations never seem to end up with good results.
You need a counselor, and you need a lawyer to secure your child's financial future, since we know how much this guy's word is worth. I want to stress this isn't a case of you two having a fight due to stress and emotions. He changed his number and is actively avoiding you. I would NOT give him updates on the pregnancy. If he wants to come crawling back and BEG to be part of the child's life, fine. Otherwise, he can deal with your lawyer.
WOW...
It's a good thing that you found out about all of this early....unfortunately I think it's time for you to move on and focus on your LO growing inside you. Get a lawyer, get your rights and child support and focus on your family. That drama won't help you the least bit and you will have a lot on your plate soon....focus on that.
Sorry he is an a-hole.
Every dad or dad-to-be on this board takes being a father very serious. So we will always give it to you very straight.
Good Luck!! I am the biological product of a similar situation, so I totally get where you are at right now.