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Toddlers: 24 Months+
valeivegas
member
Getting 2 yr old to listen/behave...?
valeivegas
member
The title of this post is an oxymoron in itself but I really need some parenting advice. DS just turned 2 & has some days (like yesterday) literally everything is a struggle: he won't get in the car after daycare, won't sit & eat dinner, won't get in the bath, & brushing teeth is a total nightmare! Leaving the house in the morning is also a daily struggle to get his coat on. I get so frustrated sometimes I don't know what to do. We try to make up stories about the trucks outside, or distract him in some way, but he's so stubborn & obstinate it's really making daily life difficult. I worry about how it's going to be this summer when baby #2 arrives... Any tips on getting him to listen more? Lately I'm really losing my patience & think I need a different approach. Any recs on some good books to read on this topic also?? thx!
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Re: Getting 2 yr old to listen/behave...?
I definitely read the title of the post and chuckled because it's impossible :P Two years old is REALLY hard. I know some people find 3 to be harder, but I really think for me the hard year is 2!
DS2 is a nightmare 99% of the time. Time-outs don't even come close to working. I think one thing I've done is to really pick my battles. You have to be realistic with your expectations of what he can/will do and try to make sure that the only things that you fight about are things that are really worth a fight. When DS2 refuses a coat, I don't fight him. I bring a coat and he eventually gets cold enough to consent to it.
Another thing that's sometimes helpful is offering a choice. DS2 has trouble sitting at the table too, so I let him choose whether to sit on his knees or on his bum. Sometimes that helps him feel like he's in control, so he'll do one or the other. We also have two toothpastes so he can choose which one he wants - it's a great way to distract him enough to get him to brush him teeth.
Obviously there are some things that are just required no matter what, like buckling up in the car - there's no choice and he can kick and scream all he wants.
I don't really have any magic solutions for you - two years old is rough! Hang in there!
Try this!
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/01/5-reasons-toddlers-wont-follow-our-directions/
These things don't always work, but I think they help a lot of the time. Good luck!
Missed Miscarriage discovered at 9w6d
D&E 10.27.2011
I'll love you forever Baby Speck
I was going to recommend Janet Lansbury, too!
With DD the secret is providing her with choices. "You can climb in your carseat or I can put you in it, your choice."
I also recommend Positive Discipline, Unconditional Parenting and Connection Parenting.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Thanks so much for posting this - great article!
I agree with everyone else, choices are key! If you get creative you can find a choice for pretty much everything. "Do you want to climb into the car yourself or for me to lift you?" "Do you want to get into the bath now or after we count to ten?"
We do some 'natural consequences' as well. DD went through a phase where she didn't want to wear her coat. But after a month or so of getting outside and realizing it was freezing and shivering as I put her coat on, she learned her lesson. Same thing with eating in our house, we sit down and start dinner. Sometimes DD doesn't want to join us, which is fine. We sit down start to eat and she has always come over after a few minutes. If she ever decided not to join us that would be fine, but she wouldn't get dinner later. That would be it.
Brushing the teeth is the one we struggled with a lot. It seemed to help when we got her a fun toothbrush and toothpaste. Also what I have started doing is pretending the teeth want to be green and the toothbrush wants them to sparkle. So as I am brushing her teeth I say something like, "Oh no, we want to be green!" (in this high squeaky voice) and then pretend to talk like the toothbrush and say, "No, you need to sparkle!" (in this deep voice). This always makes DD laugh and cooperate as she listens to this 'fight' going on in her mouth between her teeth and the toothbrush.
Just as a side-note I once read that really stubborn toddlers make the best teenagers because they don't succumb to peer pressure the way other kids might. They can and do think for themselves. I try to remind myself of this when times get tough
I have a 2 year old two, so I'm there with you! I find that it waxes and wanes for my DD. She'll go through periods where she's quite easygoing, then others where she has to Fight. Every. Little. Thing. Agree with PPs that choices are key, as well as picking your battles. Do timeouts work for him? They work well most of the time for DD, and if nothing else they break her away from whatever she was upset about or refusing to do, and often she's more cooperative after. I also pick my battles, i.e. if she insists she doesn't want to eat dinner, I tell her OK and I sit down and start eating mine without her. That usually gets her to want to eat right away! LOL. Same with coats...honestly unless it's 40 below out, I let her go out without a coat if she refuses it. If she gets cold she asks for it. I also use another tip that a PP mentioned, which is telling her she has 3 seconds to do what I'm asking or I do it for her. Most of the time that gets her motivated. That said, sometimes nothing helps and I just have to force her into the car or whatever and tell her she's in timeout for a couple minutes, or just ignore her screaming.
"The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp is also a great book with some methods that really work well. I've tried some of them and they usually work without causing a tantrum. It also gives some great insight into why toddlers do as they do.
My MIL said this to me the other day - that with DS's personality we will never have to worry about anyone bossing him around in his life
lol typical Aquarius!
Thanks so much for all the tips. Re: the coat thing - it's so cold here & we've all been sick nonstop for over a month I just can't let him go out w/o one... I'll try the other alternatives - counting, giving him a different choice, etc.
Thanks also for recommending the book - I read the Happiest Baby on the Block & liked it so I'll def. check this one out!
Out DD is similar to your DS. She is a very independent (and stubborn) little girl.
I have found that choices work as well as natural consequences. I also count with her. As I'm counting, I will remind her of what happens if I have to count to 3. If it would be a time out, screams no and usually does what I've asked. She has only had 3 time outs since she turned 2 in November, but she hates them!
I also try to praise her all time time for good listening and doing what I've asked. When I thank her for something, she looks at me with a big smile. So I know she likes hearing it!
It's not easy. Just remember you are not alone! Good luck!!
I was going to just say good luck and let me know when it happens ...
Seriously though, the tooth brushing thing? I used to cry from frustration. Now, she is a dream with it. I think when things become routine for them (and the time differs for each new practice introduced), DD1 becomes more compliant. The PPs all had good ideas, but I just wanted to add, when all else fails, take a really long breath and regroup. I find myself gritting my teeth A LOT, and I know that I need to step back and take a very deep breath.
I agree with the PP's. There isn't a magic solution, just different things that will help (most of the time) - choices, warnings to help with transitions, natural consequences, picking your battles, and when all else fails be consistent and make them do it.
One thing that I didn't really see mentioned is connection and play. I notice that when DD is acting out a lot, it is often when I am distracted or haven't given her enough attention. I try and take 5 minutes and play with her or read a book and that usually helps. Also, I find turning things into a game really helps, when we are struggling to get out the door or she doesn't want to go potty I do the 'I'm going to get you' game, chase her around, grab her by the ankles and carry her laughing to where I want her.
She is still 2 though, some days she is fantastic, and other days she is in her 'calm down' spot a lot.
Thanks again everyone for the tips. Last night I tried singing a song with the toothbrush like someone mentioned. DS thought it was hilarious & he did at least let me get to the back of his teeth real quick.
I agree with everyone above - choice are key!! and picking your battles
I just wanted to say as well that we got 2 1/2 year old dd a dora electric toothbrush for Christmas and now she LOVES brusing her teeth (and does a pretty darn good job without any help). Maybe mixing it up will make it more fun? When we're finished we always look at our teeth in the mirror too to see how clean they are - she loves that
Worst comes to worst I let her use a toothbrush to 'brush' mine while I give hers a good brush!