Afraid and starting to question myself

keithsbride · February 2013

Hello - I'm 29 weeks. I had an emergency CS 7.5 years ago.

I was induced at 40w3d. My daughter was wrapped in her cord around her shoulders and between her legs and could not descend and I was sent for the CS after 17 hours of labor and 2.5 hours of pushing.

I decided when I found out that I was pregnant to have a VBAC. I have done plenty of research and when I saw an article in a local magazine about my OB practice singing the praises of VBAC I was very relieved. Since I knew they were VBAC friendly, I didn't have any nervousness when I told them that it was what I wanted.

One of the doctors I have seen at my practice has been super supportive and helpful and encouraging. Two others though - it's really upsetting.

The doctor I saw yesterday tried to talk me into the RCS saying that I would be DONE by 4/09 instead of waiting almost another month - wouldn't that be better? When I refused he said as long as I am aware 1 in 200 blah blah and also please make sure my husband is aware of the risks.

THEN he said - The WORST is when the husbands come to me afterward and say If only I had known the risks I never would have let her do it.

And I was suddenly terrified. Why are these husbands saying this? How many people have DIED? I checked the ICAN stats for my local hospital - the VBAC success rate isn't terrible. It's not great at 57% but it's not terrible.

So what did he mean by that? Why is he trying to make me think that he has had all these people die or lose their babies? I'd hate to change practices at 30 weeks but I just don't feel comfortable here anymore. I'm afraid to VBAC with these kinds of doctors.

holly321 · February 2013

I would probably switch practices at this point. I just delivered with an unsupportive provider, and I had to really be my own advocate. Plus I felt rushed and stressed, so I got an epi I didn't want in an effort to avoid a rcs. Had my own doctor been there, I think it would have made a huge difference. You have 66% chance of having an unsupportive provider, that isn't good odds. Plus a vbac success rate of under 60 is not good. I think national average is 75%, so that personally would make me uncomfortable.

nosoup4u · February 2013

Everything Holly said. You're much better off switching, that doctor sounds terrible (And sexist! Those crazy women and their need for a VBAC, why can't their husbands keep them under control!).

He's trying to scare you out of a VBAC, no question. Do you have an active local ICAN chapter? They can give you names of truly supportive providers.

keithsbride · February 2013

I want to add that I live in NJ which has the highest CS rate in the country. 57% is pretty good here. There are some hospitals that are much better but a lot that are much worse.

pepomntpat · February 2013

I'd switch if he's killed that many patients. Seriously. That is what he is telling you. Not that VBAC is dangerous, but that he is a terrible, terrible doctor. Either that or he is a liar who wants to scare you into doing what he wants. Either way I would want a different doctor.

That said you do what makes you comfortable. Any kind of birth has risks and you just have to decide which risks you can be most comfortable and at peace with.

MAprincess · February 2013

pepomntpat:
I'd switch if he's killed that many patients. Seriously. That is what he is telling you. Not that VBAC is dangerous, but that he is a terrible, terrible doctor. Either that or he is a liar who wants to scare you into doing what he wants. Either way I would want a different doctor.
That said you do what makes you comfortable. Any kind of birth has risks and you just have to decide which risks you can be most comfortable and at peace with.

This. You are many times more likely to die during a RCS. If you died during the c/s your husband wouldn't be saying the same thing??? This doctor hates/is terrible at his job and doesn't want to bother having to wait around while you are in labor.

I agree that changing practices is the right thing. If you decide to stay, talk to the supportive doctor about this conversation. And if you see the crappy doctor again, tell him you've seen the national stats for VBAC risks and want to know why his patients have apparently had so many negative outcomes (I'd imagine he's actually lying). And ask him about all of the increased risks of a RCS including your death.

I wish there were a way to eradicate terrible doctors. Sorry he was so terrible to you.

shibby00 · February 2013

MAprincess:
pepomntpat:
I'd switch if he's killed that many patients. Seriously. That is what he is telling you. Not that VBAC is dangerous, but that he is a terrible, terrible doctor. Either that or he is a liar who wants to scare you into doing what he wants. Either way I would want a different doctor.
That said you do what makes you comfortable. Any kind of birth has risks and you just have to decide which risks you can be most comfortable and at peace with.
This. You are many times more likely to die during a RCS. If you died during the c/s your husband wouldn't be saying the same thing??? This doctor hates/is terrible at his job and doesn't want to bother having to wait around while you are in labor.
I agree that changing practices is the right thing. If you decide to stay, talk to the supportive doctor about this conversation. And if you see the crappy doctor again, tell him you've seen the national stats for VBAC risks and want to know why his patients have apparently had so many negative outcomes (I'd imagine he's actually lying). And ask him about all of the increased risks of a RCS including your death.
I wish there were a way to eradicate terrible doctors. Sorry he was so terrible to you.

This! What an a$$!!!! I'm so sorry! Ignore that motherflvucker.

keithsbride · February 2013

Thanks guys. I have a call out to a MW - hopefully I can make this transition.

Of all things, this my husband is taking issue with. He doesn't want to change doctors this late in the pregnancy. He said he'll call the doctor and tell him that we are aware of the risks and that I don't care to discuss it with him further. I don't want to NOT discuss it. By all means, if you have valid medical reasons that you think that I am personally not a good fit for VBAC, I would LOVE to hear them, Let's discuss like adults.

But threats and scare tactics - I can't be comfortable at an practice that has no respect for me. I may decide to RCS - but not because of that.

pepomntpat · February 2013

keithsbride:
Thanks guys. I have a call out to a MW - hopefully I can make this transition.
Of all things, this my husband is taking issue with. He doesn't want to change doctors this late in the pregnancy. He said he'll call the doctor and tell him that we are aware of the risks and that I don't care to discuss it with him further. I don't want to NOT discuss it. By all means, if you have valid medical reasons that you think that I am personally not a good fit for VBAC, I would LOVE to hear them, Let's discuss like adults.
But threats and scare tactics - I can't be comfortable at an practice that has no respect for me. I may decide to RCS - but not because of that.

Ultimately it is your choice which doctor you see. I don't see why your husband would prefer you continue to receive care from someone who makes you uncomfortable. I am all about open discussions with your spouse, but ultimately this is YOUR decision. You are giving birth one way or another and it is your decision who supports you through that.

Also, you are the patient. Your husband can call them all he wants, but they don't have to listen to a thing he says provided you are still of sound mind.

nosoup4u · February 2013

keithsbride:
Of all things, this my husband is taking issue with. He doesn't want to change doctors this late in the pregnancy. He said he'll call the doctor and tell him that we are aware of the risks and that I don't care to discuss it with him further.
...
But threats and scare tactics - I can't be comfortable at an practice that has no respect for me. I may decide to RCS - but not because of that.

It might not matter what your DH says to them now, though, there's still a good chance you'll be pressured to just have a RCS while you're laboring, in which case your DH will be on the front lines of that, too.

Hopefully the MW will give you good news!

Courtimilk · February 2013

Considering that he's using scare tactics AND trying to get the baby out a month sooner than your due, I'd say he has some upcoming bills to pay. Probably alimony, what with his being a douchecanoe, and everyone knows that doctors get paid more for CS vs vaginal deliveries.

kim_le · February 2013

i believe you'll be fine switching practices if you're no later than 35 weeks. i tried switching at 39 weeks, but i think to completely understand the new practices, you need the other weeks.

my male OB was the same way. he seemed VBAC friendly and then switched on me and made it seem like it was super dangerous. find someone who is supportive!! RCS can be much more/just as dangerous as VBACs. the statistics didn't seem that high with fatalities that i looked at. even the hospital gave me stats and they seemed...minor compared to the RCS.

my nurse this past time did VBACs all the time on an indian reservation (because VBACs are cheaper, not because they're safer) and she had only witnessed 1 rupture in the 17 years she assisted. if you feel you're confident, then keep fighting for your desicion! i fought for mine until the last hour and i have a healthy daughter who is three weeks old. i had hypertension, arrested dilation, distress because of the cord, too big of a baby (even though she was only 7.8)...etc. i still got my VBAC,

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