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Attachment Parenting
nekorayne
member
>
LONG vent about mom staying with us
nekorayne
member
I have not posted here in forever but I need to vent. I am about to be 42 weeks pregnant, could have baby any day, sick with a bad cold of some sort, and have 2 year old son to take care of. On top of it my mom hurt her arm and can't be at work for a few weeks. She is an over the road truck driver so this means she is staying with us. I love her and it has been nice hving her around but I'm going NUTS this morning.
My son is 2.5 and we tend to do more love and logic magic or playful parenting on him I guess. Everyone always says how well behaved he is but like any 2 year old he can want control and be hyper at times.
If he is upset I get on his level and ether try to help him understand his feelings OR if he needs that "fit" I let him know that its ok to be upset and he and I can talk about it when he has calmed down a bit. Letting him just have the right to be upset seems to do great and he usally is happy again in seconds. My mom gets frusterted and tries to make him stop throwing his tantrum and makes it worse. Then I have a full on meltdown on my hands. She does not pick her battles and gets frusterated with him SO EASY! I mean she gets frusterted over things that we don't even worry about it seems!
I always let him help me cook and last night she was in the kitchen making something and getting mad because he was "getting into stuff". If he really is being distructive the natural consequence is to take away his stool and tell him he can't be a part of the cooking until he calms down...but really I felt he just wanted to help and was not being "bad" at all so I tried giving him "a job" to do. She just does not get it. In our home he is used to helping with EVERYTHING and so him wanting to "mess with the potatoes and get water everywhere" is actully him wanting you to let him help wash the potatoes. And he can do a lot more then she thinks.
She said this morning that she could not get him to mind her because there was no displine she is allowed to do or consequences. I always step in and try to just take care of him so he can focus on being a fun grandma but honestly she gets all frusterated over EVERYTHING and being sick AND overdue I just can't keep up. It is common since in my eyes that if he is messing with the bathroom door in her room to just remove him from your room, if he can't follow your rule then the natural consequesnce is he can't play in there with you right now. No need to scream, plead, and "punish" him. Just let him know not to do that and if he keeps at it remove him.
And If you don't want him in your purse put your purse up! We can prevent some things but she sees it like we should not have to...he is 2 and I am really not at my best so I'm picking my battles right now! If he is hyper open the back door and let him play outside or set up an activity. He is not even being distructive...she is the ONLY person who gets frusterted with him about everything and can't seem to mesh with our lifestyle I guess. Honestly DS is acting out more the past 2 days it seems and I think it is a mix of me being so sick and "off" and that his usual life is messed up because she keeps getting mad at him and he is suddenly not allowed to help like he is used to! I just have to suck it up and ry to step in every few seconds I guess...
>This discussion has been closed.
Re: LONG vent about mom staying with us
Bah! That would be super annoying. Hang in there! I don't have advice for you but just wanted to say I hope things work out and you don't go ape shiit on your mom before you pop. And GL with the rest of your pregnancy and birth!
Talk to her. Give her books that represent the style you use. And give her *constructive* help with specifics. Not "you did that wrong; you shouldn't have done <blah>", but rather "when LO does this, we realize this is what's happening, communicate with her this way and follow through that way". Give the general stuff ("When she throws a tantrum, we realize that she has more emotions than she can process. So I let him know I understand his emotions, and that he can feel that way, and give him a safe way to express those emotions.") Then add specifics ("When he starts screaming and yelling when you take away a wooden spoon, we realize that he's angry that he can't help in the kitchen and doesn't know how to express how angry he is. Etc.....")
But give her some room to "parent" her own way too; he will be fine.
Yes this...all of this! Be blunt and tell her straight off what she's doing is not working. I'm sorry you're dealing with this ESPECIALLY when you're so pregnant.
This is my main worry about having family watch the twins when they come- parenting styles. Our family ranges from the spanking type to the non competitive board games type...
I hope that you can find a way to prove to your Mom that its easier to follow the disciplinary structure he is used to then it is to try to teach him a new one mid-tantrum.