Getting LO to leave when he's having fun

piper09 · February 2013

How in the world do you get your LO to leave a place when he/she is having fun? DS1 is 3, and if he is having fun, he will NOT leave without a fight. We usually end up carrying him out while he has a tantrum.

We have tried counting down (you have 10 minutes, 5 minutes, etc...), making it a "race" (we have to beat daddy home), and of course, bribery with a small toy or treat. Nothing works. He usually runs and hides or just says "no".

We recently moved to a new city and are temporarily living in an apartment while our house is being built. DH travels a lot and I am desperate to get the kids out of the house, but we usually end up staying home because I can't be chasing after DS1 or carrying him out while he flails while I also have DS2 (6 months).

Help!

MNgirl326 · February 2013

I usually start giving time warnings and a lot of front loading. "5 more minutes, 2 more minutes, etc. You may go down the slide one more time and then we have to go. When it is time to go remember you are not going to cry because we will come back another day. One more minute and then we need to go and you might me sad, but you know that we are going to come back another day if when we leave you dont' cry"

It took awhile at first and there were meltdowns at first, but since I have been consistently doing this type of talk, we rarely have meltdowns when it is time to leave.

honeybee111 · February 2013

I do the countdown thing, too. I start at 5 min., then give 2 min., 1 min., then we leave. Also, I make sure DD stops whatever she's doing, I get down on her level, tell her the time she has left, and make sure she acknowledges me. Sometimes, I will ask her, "When are we going home?" and she says "In 5 min." I did have to carry a screaming toddler to my car a few times, but she's fine with leaving places now.

TiffanyBerry · February 2013

We do countdowns, and then she chooses to walk or be carried. If I had a 6mo old, I'd carry the little one on my back in a carrier so I could carry the toddler. Though gosh that would get heavy!

dragon_chica · February 2013

honeybee111:
I do the countdown thing, too. I start at 5 min., then give 2 min., 1 min., then we leave. Also, I make sure DD stops whatever she's doing, I get down on her level, tell her the time she has left, and make sure she acknowledges me. Sometimes, I will ask her, "When are we going home?" and she says "In 5 min." I did have to carry a screaming toddler to my car a few times, but she's fine with leaving places now.

We also do the countdown and making sure she acknowledges what we said before we send her off. OP, maybe consider having a talk before getting out of the car. Explain to him that you're here to have fun but when it's almost time to go home you'll give him a countdown and after that it's time to go. Also, tell him that he'll have the choice to walk back to the car or be carried. But, if he has to be carried than you'll need to take a break from going to the <insert location> for a while. Follow through.

12bailey18 · February 2013

TiffanyBerry:
We do countdowns, and then she chooses to walk or be carried. If I had a 6mo old, I'd carry the little one on my back in a carrier so I could carry the toddler. Though gosh that would get heavy!

Yep, this too. We do the countdown and then he's either walked out or carried out. His choice. What he doesn't have a choice in is whether we're leaving or not. We are leaving, one way or another. LOL. I also try and talk up what we are about to do next and that usually helps out. Even if we are just going home I'll tell him what we can play with at home or what we're going to eat, etc. Rarely does he have to be carried out of somewhere. Usually this always works.

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2013

If the warnings don't work and you try to make transitioning an enjoyable experience there's really not much else you can do. He may just be tantruming more since a move is a big deal for a toddler combined with the fact that transitions are just tougher for some kids at certain stages. I would keep doing what you're doing and give it time.

I wouldn't let this issue keep you from going out regularly since this issue will likely get better with lots of repetition. Wear your younger child in a carrier--a back carry in an ergo or mei tei is great for having your hands free for another child. You could also do a hip carry as well which would give you the other side of your body free to carry your tantruming toddler to the car.

BelhurstBride · February 2013

TiffanyBerry:
We do countdowns, and then she chooses to walk or be carried. If I had a 6mo old, I'd carry the little one on my back in a carrier so I could carry the toddler. Though gosh that would get heavy!

Pretty much words out of my mouth.

piper09 · February 2013

Thank you so much for the suggestions! We've been doing the countdowns for quite a while, and it just doesn't seem to work for him. Although I do think the move has been hard on him, which has increased the tantrums (actually, there has been a TON of change in our lives in the past 6 months, which coincided with him turning three...yikes)!

I guess a big part of the problem is the fact that he's a runner...he will run from us and he thinks it's funny, which is infuriating to say the least. For example, if we're at a playground, he will climb to the top of the slide and refuse to come down. I can't even grab him to carry him out half the time. It's quite embarrassing to be chasing my 3 year-old around while he's laughing at me. Hopefully this is a phase on its way out!

Spin313 · February 2013

I suggest giving a list of expectations before you go somewhere...ie: we are going to X, we will be staying for X time, when it's time to go I expect X behavior.

You can also try setting a timer.

megann831 · February 2013

If we're doing something fun next I tell her about that, if not and she doesn't want to leave, I tell her the place is closing. I also usually have DS in the stroller.

emberlee3 · February 2013

I ask DS to choose how many more times to go down the slide or whatever he is doing. He usually picks small numbers : we count it down together. Or I ask if he wants to leave in 5 minutes or 6 minutes. Try to find a way to give him some control. Also agree with PPs that setting up expectations beforehand helps.

saturdaynightdoubletree · February 2013

I always preface outings with a concrete plan as we are getting out of the car... we are at the playground now and have x amount of time, then we need to go y, so mommy will give you a 2 min warning before we need to leave. Then both kids need to verbalize that they understand the expectation. If they dont come when I tell them it's time to leave, then next time we have less time to play, or we wont do something else fun later that day. Even then sometimes we struggle, but I've had no problem picking up both kids, before having our third, and carrying them away from somewhere kicking and screaming. When they were younger, I would bring the stroller places even if the kids weren't sitting in it so I could have something close by to strap them in and haul them off, haha.

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