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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Desperate, sleep related.
Hello all, I've been a lurker and finally have decided to come out and post.
I've got a 15 month son, who recently has started refusing naps. I know I am to blame as we were all ill in Jan and I allowed him to nap with me on the couch for the time being. Now that we are all better, I would like to get back into our routine. However, he has been refusing to nap in his crib.
I have had no issues getting him to sleep at night in his crib. Our routine is bath, rock & nurse then crib. We lay him down in his crib slightly drowsy and he falls asleep.
During the day it is a different story. We rock & nurse and lay down but he refuses to sleep. All of this is new, as he used to take at least one nap a day. I've tried staying in the room with him, but he just screams at me. I've tried patting him on the bottom gently but as soon as I stop he wakes up and screams. Today I left the room brieflly so I could shower & when I came back he had pooped and removed his diaper
Also, I introduced a lovey thinking that would help ease his discomfort but he seems to care less. I might add that when at his grandmothers she has no issue getting him to nap in the port a crib (he is there once a week).
I am at my wits end, feeling as if I am being manipulated and exhausted.
I'm not sure what I should do to correct this, and I would love to hear some suggestions or a different perspective.
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Re: Desperate, sleep related.
Thanks for the reply, I sure am feeling like I am the only one lately. Although I know that is not the case. Right now his sleep schedule seems to be like this:
7:00 pm bath time, then nurse/rock & sleep usually by 8:00 pm. Occasionally he will give me a <1 min grumble/cry but usually falls asleep with no issues. Also, occasionally he will wake up in the middle of the night around 2-3. Sometimes he puts himself to sleep within 15 min other times we go in and lay him back down or pat his back or bottom for reassurance. Usually my husband does the night visits if needed, so we do not tempt him to want to nurse to sleep. This happends 2-3 nights a week and the other nights he usually STTTN.
5-6 is wake up. Which, to me seems OK, as long as he is well rested through the night.
We do breakfast, play etc until lunch between 11-12. After noon we attempt nap time, and recently as you know it has been a struggle.
I'm wondering if I should try to do a better wind down like reading or coloring in his room.. that is a great suggestion. I think I will do that.
To answer your question, yes I am comfortable with crying and check ins at this point. I feel I don't have much control.
I agree with some of the suggestions of the PP. My daughter is 16 months and I we have had our hiccups along the way...usually when things like illnesses happen and she's used to relying on us to get back to sleep again. I feel like sleep training is constantly happening in our home.
I've started actually talking to her a few times about how naptime is going to be before putting her down. The same with nighttime. At naps I tell her how important it is to get a good nap right before I put her down. I'm usually offering her a cuddle as I'm doing so. I usually tell her it's time for her nap and that I hope she has a good rest so we can play like crazy when she gets up. I also always try to offer some snack or drink shortly before she goes down to ensure she isn't hungry or thirsty.
I don't spend alot of time in her room playing and she knows that when we are in there it is usually reading a book and then time to sleep. As for checkins...I always find that it backfires for me. I limit myself to 1 checkin if necessary and tell her a little firmer that it is time to nap and I'm not coming in until she wakes up. Usually takes a day or two but it works for us. Recently she has taken to a glo worm and looks for it as soon as we get in her room. She doesn't even really enjoy cuddling if she's ready for bed...she'll just look for her worm to turn on and konk right out.
Unfortunately I'd think this is a tough love situation. I'd put him in his crib at nap time, walk out (not stay in the room, not pat his bottom) after you do your soothing routine and then leave DS in there for up to an hour, even if he's crying, no giving in. I'd keep this up consistently every day until he starts sleeping again.
I hope it gets better soon!!
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I'm not at all against this but what should I do if he cries longer than an hour? I've heard of some people coming in picking up and rocking and them putting the child back in the crib, others will let the child out for say 15 min then back. I'm just not too sure what to do if we reach that mark without "giving in"
I had to do this with DS. He had some major sleep issues and was so exhausted that he had red rings under his eyes daily. I would lay him down in his crib, put on his Scout dog that plays lullabies, and leave the room for 20 minutes at a time. At the 20 minute mark, I would go in, pat his back or hug him if he was standing (never took him out of the crib), do the shushing thing to calm him, turn Scout back on, and leave. He's very stubborn and got to the hour point the first few days. If I remember correctly, he went over an hour the first day, and I went and got him and rocked him to sleep. The next few days he cried for a full hour but went to sleep right before I went to go get him.
He eventually started going to sleep earlier and earlier. It took a while though; he's incredibly stubborn. And I won't lie: it was extremely difficult. I would go with your gut feeling when determining what to do at the hour point. If it seems like your LO is calming down and will go to sleep soon, maybe wait it out. If your LO seems to be going as badly as before, do what you feel comfortable with. An hour of screaming sounded horrible to me, but I know my son and how stubborn he is. You know your LO, and your mommy instinct will help more than any advice I can give. Good luck. I hope that your LO gets back on his nap schedule!
Sounds like you have a similar schedule to us. We do early bedtime around 6 or 6:30. Wake up between 5:30 and 6 and nap around 12 (usually a bit earlier). I agree with the PPs about the choosing a strategy and sticking to it and trusting your instincts. I can't do checkins for naps as DD thinks that means play time so if she's upset (not hysterical which usually means arm caught in the crib) she has to figure it out on her own. When I did nap training initially many months ago my threshold was an hour. Now a days since we only have 1 nap I'd probably make it a bit longer. If DD skips nap I'd also do super early bedtime as much as possible.
The other possibility is something developmental going on that is making it hard for LO to sleep and so in addition to the CIO or such it may unfortunately be time. It is super hard now that they have more personality, stamina, etc.