About to strangle my hostess!!

whiterabbit646 · February 2013

I told her specifically to not invite a certain person to my shower because I barely even know the lady, and I doubt she even knows my first name, plus she smokes like no tomorrow. When I announced I was pregnant this lady thought it was totally okay to lite up her cigarette and blow it in my face. It's bad enough for me to be around her constantly smoking, and no she won't go outside to smoke if its cold, but I have my cousin flying in who has cystic fibrosis and really can't be around that crap. I get that the person hosting the party gets to plan the whole thing...but do I get no say in who is invited especially since I have reasons for that person not coming? I'm not being rude saying no smokers can come to the shower because most of my family does smoke, but they are polite and go outside if its not their house. This lady won't..I don't want my cousin to have an attack and I also don't want to be around that. The invite has already been sent so I honestly don't know what to do. Grrrr!

JordynLeighx3 · February 2013

I don't know where your shower is being held but I can promise you that if I invited someone to my home for a shower and they just lit up a cigarette in my house without going outside because it was too "cold" I would politely ask them to put it out for the the following reasons, go outside or if they still insist I would tell them they need to leave.

AMJ6511 · February 2013

Where is the shower being held? If it's at a restaurant, then problem solved. Have the staff say no smoking to everyone. Other than that, I think you can totally get away with saying something about no smoking. You can say it's making you nauseated and it's bad for the baby. Or something.

JSS1002 · February 2013

Why on earth would your hostess invite some random lady that you didn't want invited? That doesnt' even make sense. You should be asked to provide a guest list, as the guest of honor.

Your hostess or the restaurant will have to act as "bad cop" to get her to stop smoking indoors.

whiterabbit646 · February 2013

It's being held at my place. And trust me she smokes where she wants and if I tell her to leave ill never hear the end of it from my mom which is the host. I'm really pissed off at the fact that over several arguments about the guest list she still invited this woman. Why did I say yes when she asked to throw me a shower? She's making into more of a social event for her than a celebration of this baby.

rayofsunshine99 · February 2013

I don't know anyone who allows smoke in their home these days, even if they are smokers themselves. If someone were to come in to someone's home and light up a cigarette around a bunch of people I can't imagine anyone hesitating to ask her WTF she thinks she's doing and telling her to GTFO (hostess, guests, you etc).

Also, ditto to the PP about it being really odd for someone to just invite a random person you hardly know to your shower, especially after you asked them specifically not to. I feel like we're missing a piece of the story because... well, who does that??

nyki06 · February 2013

Maybe it's because I'm in Minnesota and we haven't been able to smoke indoors (at business establishments) for years but this seems so odd to me. Again, where is it located? I can't imagine someone having the audacity to light up a cigarette in someone else's house, but I wouldn't doubt that there are people out there who would do that I suppose. I would be very clear with the hostess and let them know that there are reasons that you don't want that person there, and the reasons are serious. You don't know them, which is reason enough, and CF is a VERY serious condition and if the woman does end up coming (which would suck since you don't even really know her/like her) she needs to be on her best behavior.

In your post you made it sound like she was doing these behaviors on a regular basis around you so why wouldn't she know your name? That seems a little odd.

whiterabbit646 · February 2013

nyki06:
Maybe it's because I'm in Minnesota and we haven't been able to smoke indoors at business establishments for years but this seems so odd to me. Again, where is it located? I can't imagine someone having the audacity to light up a cigarette in someone else's house, but I wouldn't doubt that there are people out there who would do that I suppose. I would be very clear with the hostess and let them know that there are reasons that you don't want that person there, and the reasons are serious. You don't know them, which is reason enough, and CF is a VERY serious condition and if the woman does end up coming which would suck since you don't even really know her/like her she needs to be on her best behavior.nbsp;In your post you made it sound like she was doing these behaviors on a regular basis around you so why wouldn't she know your name? That seems a little odd. nbsp;

once a year my aunt throws a Xmas party at her house and that lady always comes, however she always calls my father and I by random names that aren't even close to correct. So she obviously has no idea who I am. I really don't know anything about her except that she always blows smoke in my face and smokes where she pleases.

evertz · February 2013

That's kind of a lot of drama. I'd tell mom to uninvite her, make her smoke outside, or cancel the shower - life isn't worth so much drama, IMO.

And honestly, you're pregnant - you can get away with being rude (as in telling the lady to smoke outside). If you're mom really 'won't let you hear the end of it' then don't take her calls, etc. She needs to get over it.

whiterabbit646 · February 2013

evertz:
That's kind of a lot of drama. I'd tell mom to uninvite her, make her smoke outside, or cancel the shower life isn't worth so much drama, IMO.
nbsp;And honestly, you're pregnant you can get away with being rude as in telling the lady to smoke outside. If you're mom really 'won't let you hear the end of it' then don't take her calls, etc. She needs to get over it.

this is perfect!! I never thought of using my pregnancy as an excuse. I'll tell her to leave if she won't go outside and just blame it on my hormones.

whiterabbit646 · February 2013

chgibeau:
Very Frustrating.nbsp; If you don't think you have the courage to stand up to this woman regardless of your mother's feelings then I suggest one of two things.
1. Tell the woman if she smokes in the house, the entire party will be ended immediately and everyone has to leave.nbsp; If it truely comes to you stating this to everyone, SOMEone will step in and insist the woman stop smoking so the party doesn't have to end.
2. Ask a friend to be bitchy on your behalf. Tell your friend if this woman smokes, that you need your friend to make a scene to get the woman to stop smoking. I'm normally shy but I'd do this for a friend especially if I was being rude to a stranger so much easier. haha.

also a very great idea. Thank you!! My friend would probably be up to doing this for me. I'm just so frustrated! I talked to my mom about this and she blew up in my face saying things like I'm ungrateful and she's throwing the shower so she calls the shots and that apparently nobody would even care if I didn't go....

mgarza1231 · February 2013

There is no way that I would allow a person, ANY person, to smoke inside my home. I would definitely say something if she tries to get away with smoking indoors.

sbonnie · February 2013

Crappy that she's invited, and yes, you should have some what of a say at least in this case.

Having said that, I don't think it's unreasonable (AT ALL) to say there is ABSOLUTELY no smoking inside. That should go without saying in anyone else's home besides her own.

I have lots of smokers in my family, my mom continues to smoke in her home (even if I'm there) but knows damn well that she cannot (and will not) smoke in my home or anyone elses.

JSS1002 · February 2013

NandaB:
Wait, its YOUR home? Yea, sorry but you get to say people are not allowed to smoke in your house. Put someone else in charge if you want, but honestly I wouldn't be worried about offending someone who thought it was ok to smoke in my house. I wouldn't say anything else to your mom about it ahead of time. Put up a sign if you want, but honestly it should be implied that you don't smoke in a nonsmoking pregnant ladys house. And if she tries tell her that smoking is not allowed in your house and she needs to go outside. Period.

Yeah, seriously, I don't understand this at all. It is YOUR HOUSE, she does not get to dictate whether or not she smokes in your house. And your mom should have your back on this, but if she doesn't, then that is HER problem to come to terms with. You're not doing anything wrong by mandating a no-smoking rule.

WTF is wrong with people, seriously, I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.

I would never let anybody smoke in my house either, and DH AND I WERE SMOKERS when I got pregnant. Not in 10000 years would I let somebody light up in my house, and I NEVER did it, no matter how cold the MN winter ever got!

PSUBecky23 · February 2013

It's your house. You tell her no smoking in your house. Case closed, regardless of any guilt trips.

jreavey · February 2013

whiterabbit646:
also a very great idea. Thank you!! My friend would probably be up to doing this for me. I'm just so frustrated! I talked to my mom about this and she blew up in my face saying things like I'm ungrateful and she's throwing the shower so she calls the shots and that apparently nobody would even care if I didn't go....

If that's the case, I would just send a message to everyone I care about and I feel cares about me and my LO that there's been a change of plans and to meet at a restaurant, and leave the house. Lock the doors, turn everything off, and everybody who doesn't get that message can suck eggs.

kimmarie1105 · February 2013

whiterabbit646:
evertz:
That's kind of a lot of drama. I'd tell mom to uninvite her, make her smoke outside, or cancel the shower life isn't worth so much drama, IMO. nbsp;And honestly, you're pregnant you can get away with being rude as in telling the lady to smoke outside. If you're mom really 'won't let you hear the end of it' then don't take her calls, etc. She needs to get over it.
this is perfect!! I never thought of using my pregnancy as an excuse. I'll tell her to leave if she won't go outside and just blame it on my hormones.

Wait, Im sorry this is going to come off incredibly biitchy, but I don't know how to say it differently. First, how did it NOT occur to you to blame it on your pregnancy. I assumed in your original post that that was the reason why you didn't want to be around the smoke. Second, you don't blame your bluntness on your hormones. You don't JUSTIFY anything. Who smokes around pregnant people? Lastly, this shower is being held in YOUR HOME? So how do you not know how to avoid letting someone smoke in it? Your afraid your mom will get mad? I don't know but something doesn't seem right about this whole post. Is it made up?

drtarajp · February 2013

whoa. NO WAY anyone would lite up in my home. pregnant or not, thats just ludicrous. throw that woman out if she even thinks about lighting up- or better yet, have someone else ask her to leave. and who cares if you never hear the end of it, this woman doesnt deserve to be in your life if she is so disrespectful.

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