- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
Valeriam
member
kids can't pack a lunch anymore?
Valeriam
member
I just don't see what was so wrong about having SS pack a lunch. I would never deny food to anyone. The kid has to eat.
Earlier I was complaining about the not just 20 but 50-100 dollars of weekly cash. I do think that is a lot. The only reason I suggested no more lunch money is becasue he was obviously not spending it on lunch. FYI- we got about 200 dollars worth of drug parafonalia and who knows how much he's spent on weed. I have no problem with 20 bks a week but 50? C'mon. Plus, call me old fashioned, but eating out everyday for lunch (his high school has open campus for lunch), is privelage and when you have D's on the report card maybe you don't deserve that privilege.
Sorry, I just don't see anything wrong with the boy packing a sandwich,a piece of fruit and juice for lunch. If it is good enough for his daddy, it should be good enough for him.
Do you all eat lunch out everyday? I can't afford it. I work and I pack my lunch.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: kids can't pack a lunch anymore?
Give SS a set $ amount (simillar to what you and DH spend on your lunches) and let SS decide how to spend it...he'll eventually learn that $20 gets you more at the grocery store than at a fast food restaurant.
Are people missing the fact that he is not getting drugs for free? She wants to stop him from buying drugs, I do not see why people act like she is horrible for this. And a kid buying food at the school cafeteria does not need as much as an adult buying lunch, school tray lunches I think are under 3 here, where can you buy lunch for that? This might be what his BM is doing and it is flawed, when I worked and ate in the cafeteria at work it cost me about 7 for lunch, he does not need 35 for lunch.
If it were me I would either put money on an account if they have that or make him take lunch. U would figure out what he usually eats and drinks moneywise and multiply by five and probably add 1 or 2 and that is what he can use. I would never give cash to a kid I thought was using it on drugs, he can skip lunch or grab something from home and then have 20 for getting high which I would not supplement.
At this point with him, I would pick my battles. You come at him to overhaul his life, which I totally and full heartedly believe you want to help him do, but you can't expect him to become a different person overnight or be willing to change everything at once.
Your point is fully valid, and if this were your only issue, I'd say stick to your guns, but really the grades and drugs are far more important, so I'd focus on those two for now and leave the rest be.
This makes sense. I wouldn't expect him to pack a lunch, though, unless he'd prefer it to the school's food.
Gotta admit, I totally missed that part!
Definitely don't give the kid on drugs cash!
Definitely no cash he cannot be trusted.
Be aware he might to start stealing. Making his own lunch, will require some work for him and he most likely will complain.
I would also inform the school about his drug use, they need to check his locker for drugs.
My 4 Angel Babies.....
MC#1- 12/2008, MC#2- 05/2009, MC#3 07/2009, MC#4 11/2009
Training to become an IBCLC. BF Questions? Just ask!
^^ All of this, especially the bolded.
If you're able to prepay for his lunch at the school, go ahead and put money in the account for him. Don't give him the cash, he clearly can't be trusted with it. If he doesn't like that idea, then make his lunch for him. Hell I'm so mean I'd probably make his lunch, cut the sandwich into a heart shape, write him a sappy note, fold a napkin into a swan and pack the lunch in a Dora lunchbox. And then I'd make him do all kinds of chores around the house when he's not doing homework so that he doesn't have time to get high.
I have zero tolerance for drug use, especially since I have other children in the house. Truth be told, if I found out my son was doing drugs I would call the police. I know that sounds extreme but I feel like if he chooses to participate in illegal activity, then he should suffer the consequences. Maybe getting busted and having to do some community service will make him think twice next time he wants to spend someone else's hard-earned money on drugs.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools
I mean this in the most constructive way....but need to understand the dynamic to offer anything additional. What say do you have?
If your DH sees no issue with the money OR BM sees no issue with the money, there is nothing you can really do. BOTH of them need to be on board with limiting funds, ergo, limiting access to pot (or other drugs).
I think the actual conversation might need to be "what do I do because DH and BM are giving SS money for food and he is buying drugs and they will not listen to me and keep giving it to him".
I feel for you. If my SS lived in my house I am pretty sure I would not be married due to situations like yours. DH just will not override BM because she creates so much drama (example: contacting his boss, going to HR at work with abuse allegations years after the marriage ended, texting and calling his family and pastor at church).
I think this is a good idea and totally reasonable.
And Jo, that killed me, lol.
Again, out of curiosity, how many more threads are you going to make about this?
I've kind of wanted to reference a joke that maybe you need to take a hit off his pricey paraphernalia, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you don't know how to take a good humored joke.
I will agree about the stick up her ass and I have a feeling some of these women on here are defensive because they smoke pot and therefore do not have an issue with it.
That said, I think these are legit comments here. First it was 100 to 150 and now it is 200. And how the hell does anyone know the cost of this stuff if they themselves are not users because I can tell you without a doubt I would not know how much a bong or pipe cost and certainly would not know the difference between drug paraphanilia that cost 20 and 200. And so many posts with no reason makes me question if she is just looking for drama although I admit I am known for starting new posts so I realize I am the pot calling the kettle black.
Yeah, I was going to say no pub intended but decided to skip I:
Yes, and it's more than Samqwerty. Ridiculous.
Trust me I was tempted to do the last part--- anyhoo, I googled his paraphanalia and then found an invoice that one item alone was 120 bucks. He also had another package coming he admitted. He had this stuff sent to a friends house. If I was really anal- I could have gone to his friends hous but ..... that cray-cray yet. As far as threads- Is there a limit? You don't need to read them you know.
The reason for this thread was because people were practically accusing my of child abuse for not giving him lunch money. I was curious to see who spent that much cash on lunches because if you calculate roughly 30 bucks a person, my ss, H, and myself that would be 90 dollars. Multiply that by 4 makes 360 dollars a month. I just don't have that in my budget for lunch. I only included the pot info in this thread in case someone didn't know why WE (dad and BM) were withholding cash.
No I don't want to start drama. I come on the board to eliminate drama with my own family. I think it's neat to come on here and be able to vent and get feedback and ideas.
About the prices--- I just posted I googled and found an invoice.Well, my H found it. Both H and BM searched his room.
About the cash-- that is what is recomended for people who are buying drugs. And truthfully, I have no problem with people using smoking pot if they are working and paying their own rent and HAVE A DEVELOPED BRAIN. The boy is only 15. If he starts now or rather continues the way he has been, odds are he will be stuck in this life style for a while. His brain is still developing and he needs all the brain cells he can get to graduate high school. He has a lot of potential if he stays on track. I'm not a controlling crazy women either-- In fact my way of discipline is simply here are the expectations and rules. If they aren't met you give up something you really like until they are met and followed. I don't even think my expectations and rules are that outrageous either. Don't you all want your kids to be able to graduate hs? Gees. I'm not pressuring him to be honor roll. I tell him that would be great but as long as it's C's and above, there is no issue.
Yes- he was using a computer and apparently recharging a mastercard gift card with the cash he was getting.
ANd yes we definately took away the laptop he had in his room. That I was never in favor of but whatever. People think I am so "controlling" but I don't think that I am. I know my boundaries but when things affect my household I do act. I have a 9 yr old and a 18 yr old so.....
I was a massive pot head in high school. I spent my lunch money on pot. I was going to say that in a clever way, that but figured it wasn't worth the effort. The kid isn't eating lunch now based on the amount of stuff you found in his room- he is spending the cash on something else... Tell him to pack a lunch or go hungry. He will figure it out.
The pot alone is an issue but it's not the HUGE issue. The huge issue is the pot+the crappy grades. He is going downhill and fast. You need to continue to come down on this kid as you have been. He's 15, not 19. He's still save-able.
One tip from an adult who was your SS? Meet his teachers and become their buddies. He misses a class? They email you. He misses an assignment? You know right away. Get this kid into therapy. Remove his life. Make him do stuff with the family, as in game night, movie night, etc, even if he sullenly sits there. Get in his face- not in an angry way, but in a "we are your parents, we are annoying, we love you, and this is your life because you earned this" way. Be in that kid's way. If he's not uncomfortable, if his life doesn't become uncomfortable it won't change. The chances the drug use will escalate if he is allowed to do what he's doing is pretty good.
This isn't about a kid smoking a little pot on a Friday night. This is about a kid who spends a substantial amount of money on pot and is failing school.
Ditto all of this.
And FWIW I do not think you are controlling, I have questioned if your DH is stepping up but I do not think anything you suggested was crazy or out of line. I did not comment on the hair cuts but I do not think it was crazy and see why you went there, I only would not suggest it because if you take away too much I really think he will start stealing, you need to balance that with taking away just enough like the above said to make him uncomfortable.
Like I said before, I have been exactly where you are even with the 18mo at home although I did not have a 9yo. We got her graduated but I wish I did more because right now I am worried about how this story will end and she is now 23, she was 17 and turned 18 when the sh!t hit the fan here.
Thank you so much for your advice. Thank you for seeing through my madness and understanding my true concern for this kid. Finally someone who gets it. YOu got it exactly right. The concern is not just a kid who smokes here and there-- it's about a 15 yr old developing an addiction and letting his future (school) go down the hole. If he at least was on the track to graduate I wouldn't be so freaked out and if he hadn't been so clever with ordering things on line etc., I wouldn't be so freaked out. But I am dealing with a clever kid who has developed an addiction. If he could not wait to go back to school or somewhere away from the house to get high, then I feel it's an addiction to some degree. It's been three days and he seems so anxious. Of course that could be just because we caught him and he's paying the price by doing a damn chore (which is killer to him since he's never expected to do much). ANyway, I had my H read your advice. We have that stuff in place. Hope everyone keeps it up. We go to the river today and going out for pizza. That was one thing I always harped about too. If he didn't like where we were going, my husband would just leave him at home or drop him off with mom and she would do the same. Sorry, but you are part of a family and as annoying as it can be, it is important to be togerther. Especially since he was staying home to smoke pot apparently.
Thank you for understanding and the advice:)
The simple solution is this.
1) Call the school and ask them to start doing random checks on his locker. Explain what you have found at home.
2) Lunch money - either you prepay for lunches at school or he packs.
You do not give cash to a kid who is developing a drug habit. You also need to be proactive and strip his room of everything except the mattress on the floor. Start searching everything when he comes into the house.
I had to do all of the above when I found out my DS was buying pot. He was 17 and warned him that if it continued when he was 18 (and still in school) I would not bail his ass out and he would stay in jail.
Thanks-- this is pretty much what we've done. We haven't searched the room again though. My husband searched when he went to his mom's but not since he's been back. He may go this wknd so I''ll suggest to my H he search again.
We found out he was buying the pot from a cousin on his moms side though. We let her know. More and more info is coming out. The boy did say he was glad he got caught though. Whatever that may mean or lead to.