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March 2013 Moms
Feeling left out:(
Is anyone else feeling left out over the past few months?? From Christmas parties, New Years parties, Birthday parties to Super Bowl.....it's so hard getting ditched by my DH and older kids and left at home. I know I can't eat the same stuff, go sledding, bowling, etc. or have all those fun drinks with the parents but it's so hard getting ditched. I feel so lonely. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful. Everyone just says....."it's such a blessing and you are so lucky" then they head over to the sushi and alcohol bar. Anyone else feeling this way??
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Re: Feeling left out:(
Just because you can't drink or eat sushi doesn't mean you should stay home! Eat California rolls or cooked sushi like salmon skin or eel, or vegetable sushi or tempura sushi (OMG, making myself hungry!), and have a half a drink or a mocktail or some other special drink that you wouldn't otherwise order.
I only feel lonely when people ask me why I let DH continue to enjoy these things in front of me. Why should he suffer too? It's not that much longer anyway, and if he gets an awesome drink at a restaurant, I get to take a few sips (and lately, I choose his drinks!).
Example: my DH is at the neighbors house now and all the parents are drinking. I hung out with them all on new years and it wasn't super fun watching everyone else drinking and then sledding in the backyard. Since I was the only sober one I ended up taking care of 14 children. Then there's the flirting that goes on with one of the neighbors....whenever she drinks she always comments about how she should be married to my husband since they are so much alike, sits on his lap, etc. It's annoying to watch so I chose to stay home this time. I am not feeling at my sexiest right now and can't really compete, nor do I have the energy. They both think it's funny but I just don't. Yes, I have talked to him about it...he just laughs and says yeah right, like that would ever happen and I'm being sensitive. Anyway, still no fun to watch......we aren't really going out for sushi, sorry it was just a metaphor.......
Ok, with the new info you just added, I would have to add: your husband sounds like he is being a huge jerk. If my H allowed another woman to sit on his lap and make those kinds of jokes he would come home to a different set of locks. Have you made it explicitly clear that this behavior is not acceptable? You are having his baby. It is his DUTY to make you happy.
And I would not let yourself become the babysitter. My SILs tried to do that to me during our vacation... when someone decides to have children, it is their problem to look after them or find someone else to do it, nit just the nearest sucker. Send them a bill for your services!
I think it has always been a big joke and it really never bugged me as much as right now. I don't feel attractive, we haven't been intimate in 4 months and with this added on top it is just amplified. Normally it wouldn't bother me as I know it's all joking. Must be the hormones........He keeps saying after the LO is out it will go back to normal but between recovering from a csection and breast feeding I'm not sure how sexy I will feel then. Just going by past experience....this is #3. It's hard to wait 9 months to be intimate with your DH, but in the same breath, I do understand I'm not the same sexy wife during this time.......stuck between a rock and a hard place.....
You are not stuck anywhere, girl! You are making his baby from scratch using your body! Assert yourself! Tell him this is not acceptable.
I get the whole "It didn't bug me before..." thing - but sweetie, it bugs you now and that is enough. He needs to stop immediately. If he can't respect and applaud the sacrifices you're making, he doesn't deserve you. Period.
Nobody gets to use you as a default babysitter just because you're pregnant, either. The next time they try to leave you with their kids, let them know right up front, "I charge $10 per kid per hour. If that's unacceptable, you might want to consider leaving your children with someone else." If you let yourself be their doormat now, what on Earth will they treat you as when you're recovering after childbirth!?!?!
aaahhhh, this took a huge turn:( guess I am the only one feeling this way.....i was just feeling bummed to miss out on all the fun stuff. Somehow it turned into me having no backbone, a lying husband and being a designated babysitter. SO wasn't my point but I guess all I was wondering is if anyone else was ready to get back to normal life of fun with the family. Maybe I was just having a moment of feeling sorry for myself, weak moment........
I hear you! It sucks not being able to do things like normal! I am so ready to have fun again!! Lol And its ok to have some feeling sorry for yourself moments! I have been having those especially lately now that I have been put on bed rest..
WTH!! Sh!t would hit the fan around Here if there were flirting and sitting on DH lap... That alone would make me feel like I HAD to be there, especially as your DH lets it happen!!! This is NOT ok!
DS1 -6/25/11
DS2 -3/23/13
Missed MC D&C 8/26/14
DD - 8/26/15
LO#4 due 5/30/17
Hmm... "normal life" for me, it never returned. I didn't want to drink because I was BF. I also never want to be away from DS1.
DS1 -6/25/11
DS2 -3/23/13
Missed MC D&C 8/26/14
DD - 8/26/15
LO#4 due 5/30/17
i don't need to be there, i trust my DH. We've been together for over 15 years and he's never once given me a reason to not trust him. It's her I have no respect for. I don't think you should have to be there to babysit your DH, if you feel like you need to be there, that's a bigger problem....
My biggest concern with all of this is why wouldn't you go bowling?? Do they allow smoking?
You actually bowl better pregnant because your joints are looser. Just a thought!!
lol
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
I still do everything with my dh. I went to the superbowl party last night, did my normal New Years Ever plans. I just don't drink. It didnt' bother me. I have yet to let my pregnancy stop me from enjoying life and hanging out with people. I may need to go home a bit earlier than I used to. But, then again, I have never felt the need to drink and it wasn't uncommon for me to go to a party and be the sober one. I say, just go! Obviously don't drink or eat sushi with raw fish, but what about vegetarian sushi instead?
I'm sorry you're feeling left out :-( I haven't felt left out per se but about 2 months ago I was definitely struggling with wanting to be able to do some fun stuff again- I think between the ages of my kids and the fact that I only had 5 months between DD being born and me getting pg again I feel like I've been pregnant for 2 years straight haha It's not the drinking but just feeling like a normal adult and not a mommy all the time (which since you said you have 2 other kids I can imagine its the same feelings). Just wanting to be able to relax like an adult with your friends and not have to be limiting yourself. Even with the 2 young kids I still had a social life before getting pregnant so not everyone completely changes after having kids.
I will say that I've made a point to still participate in events as much as possible. We did attend a NYE party and a superbowl party- I just wont drink or will only have my small glass of wine and then I usually mix up a fun drink to bring with me so I don't feel like I'm missing out (there are some good sparkling v-8 fusion drinks that I've enjoyed). I would still go bowling (maybe not sledding) but there are a lot of activities that you can still participate in.
As for the DH and neighbor situation- that is completely inappropriate and I don't doubt that you trust your DH but it would be her that I wouldn't trust. Personally, I would attend an event and if I saw that occur I would verbally call her out- in a mature and respectful way but it needs to be verbalized firmly that her doing that is NOT okay whether it is a joke or not.