My husband doesn't find me attractive...

trishie6986 · February 2013

For the past 4 months, my husband has barely kissed me, touched me, no attempt at sex... There is zero intimacy in our relationship. Everytime I would try and have a serious conversation with him about the topic, he would skirt away from it or give me an answer like, "when the baby is born everything will go back to normal." Finally tonight after the 100th time of asking he gave me an answer as to why he's been acting so stand off ish. He tells me he's not sexually attractive to pregnant women, and he didn't want to admit it to me. So basically I have a husband who hasn't been attracted to me for months. I kind of had a feeling but now I am so sad and depressed. I don't know how to feel or what to do. I'm 36 weeks and the baby will be here soon so I keep telling myself not to stress, but I'm extremely offended, sad, and worried for life after baby is born. Has anybody gone through this before or something similar or have any advice on what to do? I'd really appreciate it...

jinnymb · February 2013

I think everything will be fine!!

This is my third and DH and I pretty much stop attempting sex after 4 months. He won't flat out admit but I'm pretty sure the belly freaks him out sexually, even after 2 others. Plus the anxiety of a new baby, exhaustion from life, etc... It is not always a sexy time for all couples.

I know how you feel. With the first pregnancy I took it extremely hard and felt very down on myself over it. We discussed it many times and although he was reassuring and I didn't even really want to have sex, I still wanted him to want me.

Well obviously once the baby was born all bets were off because I was pregnant with DS2, 6 months post partum. After DS2 our sex life revived after about 3 months but we decided to wait a little longer for the third.

Anyway, just keep open communication and try to be intimate in other ways such as cuddling, kissing, going on dates, etc... Please don't take it personally, I'm sure you are a beautiful pregnant woman. If things don't resume after the baby is born, then start looking into some outside help.

Jcat123 · February 2013

I'm sorry. I think it is hard for some guys in general to have sex when all they can see and think about is that big belly in front of them. My DH thinks I'm very cute since being pregnant, however, we don't have sex as much because he can't get the idea of hurting me or the baby out of his head when he sees my big belly (even though he knows he can't). I've been blue sometimes because I just want to feel wanted and I seem to want it a lot more than he does these days. Things will get better for the both of you in time, for the meanwhile maybe just hold hands and snuggle to be close.

Omgzombies · February 2013

It's normal for some guys. I would imagine it would be pretty frustrating. I'd sit down and talk to him about it. Start by saying that though he may not be into having sex, that it's a bit of an emotional blow for you, and you want to find ways to work through it. Then sit down and figure out ways to make both of you feel intimate and loved without sex for awhile. Do you need to be cuddled, told you look pretty, what do you need to still make you feel attractive during this time? What does he need? What are the boundaries during this time? Would you be hurt if you found him on the computer looking at pornography while he's not engaging in sex with you? Would he be hurt if you used a battery operated boyfriend? Is he willing to satisfy you if you're in the mood, even if he doesn't feel the need to have it reciprocated? Open communication is your best bet, and will help save feelings later on.

tashadee75 · February 2013

Don't feel bad. When husbands say or feel that they are not sexually attracted to the pregnant you, I really don't believe it is actually you he's not attracted to. It really is the pregnancy itself and everything that comes with it. It's not always physical non attraction or what you look like physically. In my case for my husband it is the process of pregnancy. Another little person inside you being cooked, baked, processed, or whatever we choose to call it. The reality is it's a human being growing inside you. I'm a FTM and when I really think about pregnancy and how it works it really is a miracle and the process is so important.

My DH and I haven't had sex since we found I was pregnant. Initially the morning sickness was so horrible that the first 12 weeks it didn't matter that I wasn't showing or hadn't gained any weight, he just felt too sorry for me having never seen me soooo sick and miserable. Then by the time I started feeling better in the second trimester, I began to show, he totally saw me as off limits. At first I was a little irritated, but I have had so many horrible symptoms throughout the pregnancy, that I haven't had a desire for sex. At least not physically. My mind wants to sometimes, but my body doesn't and at this point I'm 35 weeks. We've gone this long, we can wait a little longer.

So do not feel bad, many husbands are "freaked out" by pregnancy and hell sometimes so am I. LOL!

lightgetsin · February 2013

Don't worry, everything will return to normal. I am the one freaked out by the belly and just don't feel like having sex but after the baby comes, everything goes back to the way it was. This is the 4th time we have been through this and it always goes back.

tilsonc · February 2013

tmsgrl:
Don't worry, everything will return to normal. I am the one freaked out by the belly and just don't feel like having sex but after the baby comes, everything goes back to the way it was. This is the 4th time we have been through this and it always goes back.

This! This is my first, but we are going through the same thing. I am not going to sweat it. Everything will be fine after baby gets here.

msf11 · February 2013

I am so sorry. I can imagine how hard this is. Last week when I was attempting to seduce my husband it all went wrong. I found myself thinking with such certainty that he was having to imagine being somewhere else because this is not a sexy body. Sexy and hot are way different from beautiful.

I stopped and made sure he was taken care of and then ended up crying and confessing all of this to him. He was very comforting amd told me he thought I was beautiful.

But here is the thing, I know he finds me beautiful but I also know it is different when I am prego vs not.

Sometimes when we communicate to one another ot doesn't come out right. I am sure he still is attracted to you just not in the "I want to jump uour bones" way. Which sucks but it will get better.

Andrea+David · February 2013

I've been having the same problem with my BF... ugh even right now he is on his computer playing his stupid online video game instead of spending time with me but I've had to look at the small things he does for me like how he made dinner tonight, although it was a little odd... a surprisingly very tasty tuna sandwich and some chicken fingers that we had in the freezer! We have talked about things a little and have planned to have a nice romantic evening on Friday since we don't want to get intimate and risk me going into labor with him not being able to take Friday off! We haven't had any kind of sex in probably 3-4 months! He also will only occasionally kiss me which is sad but I have hope that things will somewhat get back to normal after the baby is born!

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