Any advice? (surrogacy)

erbear · February 2013

I have a close friend who lost a son at 26 weeks three years ago and has been dealing with infertility ever since. She's gotten pregnant a few times and miscarried (most recently this week, she terminated an ectopic, on the anniversary of her son's passing .

She and I have casually broached the topic of surrogacy. I feel pretty on board - I'm done having my own kids, my body handles pregnancy well, and I want so much for her and her husband to be parents. I know she's nervous about a known donor (she thinks she could never pay me back - I could be wrong, but I don't think I would feel like she is indebted to me - not a favor but more a way to help them get something they want). I'm also not a typical surrogate - I'm older (35), a little overweight, have had two c-sections.

I'm obviously waiting for her to make the first move, but in the meantime, any advice on what I need to be considering?

2MamazInSeattle · February 2013

I haven't looked into this much, however, you might want to call a local fertility clinic and ask about their requirements for a gestational carrier or surrogate. There are some fda requirements, for example. Also, some clinics are just very protective of their success rates, while others are more flexible. Before you go to far, and potentially get her hopes up, you might just check a few things out. Also, are you suggesting using your egg, or carrying her child? Does she know if the miscarriages are egg or embryo quality issues, or are there uterine issues? Just a few thoughts. Its so generous of you to consider this!

erbear · February 2013

2MamazInSeattle:
I haven't looked into this much, however, you might want to call a local fertility clinic and ask about their requirements for a gestational carrier or surrogate. There are some fda requirements, for example. Also, some clinics are just very protective of their success rates, while others are more flexible. Before you go to far, and potentially get her hopes up, you might just check a few things out. Also, are you suggesting using your egg, or carrying her child? Does she know if the miscarriages are egg or embryo quality issues, or are there uterine issues? Just a few thoughts. Its so generous of you to consider this!

from what I understand, her eggs are viable (they were doing IVF and have a bunch of embryos) so I think a uterine issues. I would simply be a carrier, not a donor.

2MamazInSeattle · February 2013

Cool - that definitely removes some of the complexity. I'd call around and get a feel from some of your local clinics. SART is a good place to see results by clinic. Good luck!

Lacyj67 · February 2013

2MamazInSeattle:
Cool that definitely removes some of the complexity. I'd call around and get a feel from some of your local clinics. SART is a good place to see results by clinic. Good luck!

That was good advice and I second that!

liz4paws · February 2013

erbear:

2MamazInSeattle:
I haven't looked into this much, however, you might want to call a local fertility clinic and ask about their requirements for a gestational carrier or surrogate. There are some fda requirements, for example. Also, some clinics are just very protective of their success rates, while others are more flexible. Before you go to far, and potentially get her hopes up, you might just check a few things out. Also, are you suggesting using your egg, or carrying her child? Does she know if the miscarriages are egg or embryo quality issues, or are there uterine issues? Just a few thoughts. Its so generous of you to consider this!

from what I understand, her eggs are viable (they were doing IVF and have a bunch of embryos) so I think a uterine issues. I would simply be a carrier, not a donor.

First, I wanted to say how admirable it is that you're offering to do this. What an amazing gift, you are an incredible friend.

I did want to add that just because she got a bunch of embryos from a cycle, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is still not an egg issue causing her miscarriages. You will want to double check on the details of this just to be sure so you know you're on the right track. I wish you lots of luck!

DisestherZone · February 2013

You've gotten some great advice. Definitely check with a couple clinics (near you, preferably, since you'll be making the most trips there). They should at least be able to give you some basic guidelines on what they require of a carrier (BMI is often a factor, but I doubt they'd balk at your age since they're not your eggs; I wouldn't think c-sections would be a concern unless you were trying to be approved through an agency).

I'm actually an IM (intended mother) and we're expecting our first child via gestational surrogacy after 8 years of infertility. Smile We're due in August. Our GS is a friend of a friend and is doing this 100% uncompensated, however we still each got our own lawyers (my DH & paid for both) and signed a 26-page legal contract. Even if you trust someone explicitly (like we do with our GS & her DH), it's very important to have a good lawyer and contract in place that spells out every scenario that can potentially arise. There's a couple great surrogacy boards out there that have some great info, so definitely research those sites.

Good luck to you!

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