Dramatic 3 y/o

JocelynB0911 · February 2013

Our DD is 3 and my lord do we need help. She is so emotional. If you tell her in a calm voice "no" or to stop doing something she'll freak out and start crying/screaming. I thought that she was acting out due to having a little (may I add pestering) little brother and I am pregnant with twins. I figured she could use some mommy-daughter time and she would calm down but it hasnt helped. Any suggestions on what we could try to do to calm this or even stop it?

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2013

Change the way you talk to her. Instead of saying no/stop doing that, tell her what you want her to do instead. If her brother is pestering her and she hits him say "use gentle hands" while you model what gentle hands are vs yelling "stop hitting!"

JocelynB0911 · February 2013

We don't yell and we do explain why she's not to do whatever she's doing. We've done that since she was crawling and getting into things telling her why she shouldn't do whatever it is she was doing.

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2013

JocelynB0911:
We don't yell and we do explain why she's not to do whatever she's doing. We've done that since she was crawling and getting into things telling her why she shouldn't do whatever it is she was doing.

I didn't mean yell in the sense of literally screaming at her--I worded that poorly.

When you tell her to stop doing something, what do you say? Are you saying "you need to stop doing x because it's unsafe and someone could get hurt?"

Simplify your explanations. You can lose toddlers by being too wordy. Also, try to get on one knee, put your hands on her shoulders, and a very simple explanation of what you want her to do in place of whatever behavior is inappropriate/undesireable is a good strategy. Redirection with a choice is a good idea too. Like "let's not do this. Can we do x or y instead?"

megann831 · February 2013

I probably need to stop this, but most times I say no there is this big, dramatic flip out. I'm pretty calm and easy going, so I really have no patience for that. I lie alot. The other day she wanted a rug at the store, we tried to explain that it was too small for her room and we were going to a different store to get a nicer one, she wanted to part of it and starting flipping out. This morning she wanted more butter and her already buttered roll. Again we told her how she needed could spread it around and when she was done she could have more on her other half, another tantrum began. Both times I calmly take the item, look at it, then get this worried look on my face and tell her there is a bug on it and quickly run it away from where we are, then ask her if she sees any bugs on me, so I make a big, dramatic scene of over it, and it's done. When we're in a store and she gives me a problem about leaving, I start to look worried and tell her the lights are going off in the back, they're closing and it's going to be very dark and we'll get locked in. Sometimes I'll pick some random guy and tell her that man is going to come yell at her if she doesn't stop.

I gave a few examples, I don't do in constantly, maybe one every other day. The only reason I'm starting to think maybe it's not too horrible is because I always start with no and an explanation. A few times lately she'll say ok, or aww man, and that's the end of it. I'm hoping as she's maturing no and an explanation is enough, in the mean time my lies and drama seem to avoid melt downs, and they're kind of fun.

JocelynB0911 · February 2013

KC_13:
JocelynB0911:
We don't yell and we do explain why she's not to do whatever she's doing. We've done that since she was crawling and getting into things telling her why she shouldn't do whatever it is she was doing.
I didn't mean yell in the sense of literally screaming at her--I worded that poorly.
When you tell her to stop doing something, what do you say? Are you saying "you need to stop doing x because it's unsafe and someone could get hurt?"
Simplify your explanations. You can lose toddlers by being too wordy. Also, try to get on one knee, put your hands on her shoulders, and a very simple explanation of what you want her to do in place of whatever behavior is inappropriate/undesireable is a good strategy. Redirection with a choice is a good idea too. Like "let's not do this. Can we do x or y instead?"

Here's a decent example. She broke her elbow on vacation messing around on the bench. Now when we are at home and she is doing the same thing and we have taller chairs I say "remember when you broke your elbow on vacation?" She'll say yes, I mean how do you forget that? So I'll tell her "we need to sit still so we don't fall again". As far as her brother goes, he just wants to do what she does and it annoys her. They aren't violent towards each other ds went through a hair pulling phase but that was 6 months ago but other than that they're great together. She had a meltdown about apple juice earlier and how she had to wait a few minutes for it. I'm just at a loss on what to do with her. She's such a good girl and I just wish I knew what triggered this or if its a normal stage she's going through.

BelhurstBride · February 2013

DD's a Class A Drama Queen as well. I figure it's a phase and she'll move past it when she's ready. When she flips I just sit and hug her and tell her that I understand that she's upset becayse x, y or z happened. I find that it helps the fit to pass quicker.

memali26 · February 2013

Honestly, I think it's a stage. DD1 is about to turn 3 and over the last few months has gotten more dramatic by the second. Every little thing is the end of the world in her little 3yo mind. We just handle it as calmly as we can, and if she's too worked up we give her space to calm down and tell her to let us know when she's ready to talk. We deal with it pretty matter of factly and then just move on. It's not easy to be patient with her every time she pitches a fit, but the less of a response she gets from us the shorter the tantrum is.

dragon_chica · February 2013

Everyone gave good advice. All I will say is that keep in mind and continue reminding yourself that she's 3. She's not trying to be dramatic just like 2 y/os aren't necessarily having tantrums to be naughty. They are acting their age. Your DD is still at an age where she struggles with expressing her feelings and frustrations. Something that seems so petty and pointless to us is a big deal to them. Just like how teens act super dramatic but that's how their lives feel. Sure, it sucks but if you keep reminding yourself that she's a little nutso than you'll make it through. At least until the teen years. Smile

kcisthebombdotcom · February 2013

JocelynB0911:
KC_13:
JocelynB0911:
We don't yell and we do explain why she's not to do whatever she's doing. We've done that since she was crawling and getting into things telling her why she shouldn't do whatever it is she was doing.
I didn't mean yell in the sense of literally screaming at her--I worded that poorly.
When you tell her to stop doing something, what do you say? Are you saying "you need to stop doing x because it's unsafe and someone could get hurt?"
Simplify your explanations. You can lose toddlers by being too wordy. Also, try to get on one knee, put your hands on her shoulders, and a very simple explanation of what you want her to do in place of whatever behavior is inappropriate/undesireable is a good strategy. Redirection with a choice is a good idea too. Like "let's not do this. Can we do x or y instead?"
Here's a decent example. She broke her elbow on vacation messing around on the bench. Now when we are at home and she is doing the same thing and we have taller chairs I say "remember when you broke your elbow on vacation?" She'll say yes, I mean how do you forget that? So I'll tell her "we need to sit still so we don't fall again". As far as her brother goes, he just wants to do what she does and it annoys her. They aren't violent towards each other ds went through a hair pulling phase but that was 6 months ago but other than that they're great together. She had a meltdown about apple juice earlier and how she had to wait a few minutes for it. I'm just at a loss on what to do with her. She's such a good girl and I just wish I knew what triggered this or if its a normal stage she's going through.

Oh, it's definitely normal three year old behavior. Three year olds are notorious for being dramatic/overly emotional. Nothing triggered this--it's solely developmental. It's difficult for three year olds to work through emotions and things that seem trivial to us are a big deal to them. Really all you can do is choose your words wisely and offer support when they do show emotions to help them work through it.

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