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How long do you wait?

kirbearkirbear member
in Blended Families
Xh and I have joint legal. He sees dd about 1.5 hours per week and is otherwise not really involved. She has several medical conditions and sees several specialists. He doesn't come to appts and typically doesn't even ask about the appt. I email him about it, and also prior to any appts to see if he has any questions and he ignores my attempts to communicate about her medical needs.

We are at a point now where we need to decide what the next step is for dd. We have 3 options to explore. I texted him to ask him his thoughts. He said " sorry, i can't answer that right now". Few days later I emailed him the link to one of the drs and asked him to review and and please let me know his thoughts. No response.
I know he is avoiding giving written permission so he won't have to pay same thing happened another time.
How long do I give him? I can't wait forever, I need to schedule her next appt to try to get answers for her. Are these attempts to involve him enough to go ahead and make the decisions and go ahead with the appt? Do i tell him that if I don't hear from him by x date, i will be scheduling appt? Insurance may not cover one of the labs in which case we'd each have to pay about 200. He claims he's too poor but just bought a brand new jeep! Court order says we split medical costs.
This isn't the first time he's tried to get out of paying. One other time I just paid 1000 bc it was cheaper than court. I need to go for sole legal as he is so uninvolved in her medical stuff that its really impossible for him to make informed decisions as he has never been to most specialists, doesn't know her dx, meds, diets etc. all by choice I pass on the info. But that won't be done prior to needing to make this decision.

Thoughts?
Thank you!
Kirsten DD 4-7-06
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Re: How long do you wait?

  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    I would send him a message saying that if you don't hear from him by X date that you will just make the decision yourself and schedule the appointment. Make sure you reiterate that you've contacted him about this matter X number of times previously. If it is in your CO that you split medical costs, then he is responsible for his part regardless of if he gives written permisison or not.
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

     "Do i tell him that if I don't hear from him by x date, i will be scheduling appt?"  YES!

    "Insurance may not cover one of the labs in which case we'd each have to pay about 200". I'd let him know that as a "courtesy"

    "He claims he's too poor but just bought a brand new jeep!"Not your problem
     "Court order says we split medical costs".

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  • lookame3639lookame3639 member
    Your ex sounds like mine. Weasles out of paying medical expenses and overall could care less about medical all together. Anyway court should rule in your favor custody wise just be sure you have kept up documenting his unwilling to go to doctor appointments... However in the chance court says shared/joint custody still it is worth having a Claus staying you have final say in medical treatments/final day on everything. I have this in my agreement cause my ex could care less about doctor appointments.

    As for the situation now. Email him a last reminder. Tell him to respond by a certain date that this is the third time you have contacted him that a procedure isn't coveted under insurance but required and will cost 200. If he doesn't respond go ahead and do what is needed for your daughter and take him to court if you have enough documented and ask for full custody/final decition Claus or try to go to meditation and add the Claus inwhich would be cheaper and something you could do if you don't have enough evidence good luck
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  • kirbearkirbear member
    Thank you for the help. I greatly appreciate it :
    Kirsten DD 4-7-06
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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    Do you have an attorney on retainer by any chance?

    If you do I would have your attorney send a certified letter stating that these decisions have to be made and he has until x date to provide his input, and additionally that his lack of response to your repeated attempts at communication goes against the spirit of a co-parenting agreement.  If he's going to continue to be difficult then you will consider filing for a change in custody so he isn't ABLE to make these decisions anymore, he'll just be expected to pay his portion for whatever YOU decide.

    Nothing has to come of it, but in our experience, legal office letter head goes a long way.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imagekaholland4:
    I would send him a message saying that if you don't hear from him by X date that you will just make the decision yourself and schedule the appointment. Make sure you reiterate that you've contacted him about this matter X number of times previously. If it is in your CO that you split medical costs, then he is responsible for his part regardless of if he gives written permisison or not.

    ^^ This.

    Be sure to include the actual dates you contacted him previously.  Don't let his indecision or refusal to answer hinder you from getting your child help they need.  Once you make the appointment, notify him ASAP with all the info.

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  • happywife2bhappywife2b member
    Agree with what some previous posts have said about notifying him, setting a daye and going ahead. Plus, just as with child support, you can have this money taken from his paycheck automatically. I hope things get better.
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