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Blended Families
ambrvan
member
Advise please
ambrvan
member
1. We know three children were sexually abused by BM. CPS/child abuse hotline was called multiple times by fathers, grandparents, teachers, and physicians regarding injuries, behavior, and BM's deplorable living conditions apartment was actually condemned upon her eviciton until it could be repaired and cleaned.
2. We no longer have physical proof of abuse.
3. Two children were forever physically affected by such abuse.
4. Fathers now have majority custody of children, two live across the country from BM, one lives close to BM and is still in supervised contact with her.
5. Visitation for children across country was stopped by a CPS investigation which resulted in a court ordered injunction.
6. Case closed. No further criminal prosecution can be made, but CPS says BM cannot be alone with the two children.
7. One child still at potential risk because home state will not act. Father violating court ordered visitation schedule by not allowing BM to have child unsupervised.
8. Father does allow phone calls and visitation under his supervision at BMs request and convenience for as long as she wants and for maternal grandparents as well.
9. BM owes CS to two children across country, but pays nothing. State set up wage garnishment. BM has no job, has not had job in approximately six years.
10. BM has been admitted to three mental facilities, and then checked herself out three days later from each one.
11. BM has been to jail repeatedly for shoplifting and check fraud, and repeatedly violated probabtion.
12. Currently, BM is on "good"behavior behavior. Living with parents. Staying out of trouble with the police. Doesn't appear to be on drugs. Good behavior seems to have been going on for at least six months. Attempts to contact and visit child close by increase, but all contact with other two children has ceased.
I hope this all makes sense. I tried to take out as much emotional factors as possible and just list facts.
We have a feeling that BM may eventually contest and want to go back to court. She is lying to us about having a job, as usual, and we know because I checked up on where she said she worked and because the other children's SM said they have received no CS and her wages are set to be garnished. But I guess that is neither here nor there.
My question is this. From what was posted above, do you think us having violated the CO and kept SD from being alone with BM is going to look bad on DH in the long run? He has kept communication between them open and allowed her to see SD. Is that enough to make it obvious that he just wants to keep her safe? And will the fact that DH only has a minimum wage part time job since he is in school hurt him? He is a SAHD for the most part. Picks SD up from.school, helps her woth all her homework. Does pretty much everything with and for the kids. Would that be a bonus?
2. We no longer have physical proof of abuse.
3. Two children were forever physically affected by such abuse.
4. Fathers now have majority custody of children, two live across the country from BM, one lives close to BM and is still in supervised contact with her.
5. Visitation for children across country was stopped by a CPS investigation which resulted in a court ordered injunction.
6. Case closed. No further criminal prosecution can be made, but CPS says BM cannot be alone with the two children.
7. One child still at potential risk because home state will not act. Father violating court ordered visitation schedule by not allowing BM to have child unsupervised.
8. Father does allow phone calls and visitation under his supervision at BMs request and convenience for as long as she wants and for maternal grandparents as well.
9. BM owes CS to two children across country, but pays nothing. State set up wage garnishment. BM has no job, has not had job in approximately six years.
10. BM has been admitted to three mental facilities, and then checked herself out three days later from each one.
11. BM has been to jail repeatedly for shoplifting and check fraud, and repeatedly violated probabtion.
12. Currently, BM is on "good"behavior behavior. Living with parents. Staying out of trouble with the police. Doesn't appear to be on drugs. Good behavior seems to have been going on for at least six months. Attempts to contact and visit child close by increase, but all contact with other two children has ceased.
I hope this all makes sense. I tried to take out as much emotional factors as possible and just list facts.
We have a feeling that BM may eventually contest and want to go back to court. She is lying to us about having a job, as usual, and we know because I checked up on where she said she worked and because the other children's SM said they have received no CS and her wages are set to be garnished. But I guess that is neither here nor there.
My question is this. From what was posted above, do you think us having violated the CO and kept SD from being alone with BM is going to look bad on DH in the long run? He has kept communication between them open and allowed her to see SD. Is that enough to make it obvious that he just wants to keep her safe? And will the fact that DH only has a minimum wage part time job since he is in school hurt him? He is a SAHD for the most part. Picks SD up from.school, helps her woth all her homework. Does pretty much everything with and for the kids. Would that be a bonus?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advise please
If you can't afford a lawyer, check into free legal aid. This seems like a situation that you guys really need to put in as much effort as possible to keep that child legally safely away from her mentally unstable mother.
According to her lack of interest with her other children I suspect she doesn't have a lot of will to be involved HOWEVER there is nothing which says she won't take an interest and to the point of going to court. I agree that you need a good attorney. Go in and ask fora new visitation plan based on her being an unfit parent or revoke her parental rights altogether. I do agree that without a lawyer she can go in and paint him to be a jerk prevent her contact with her child. Also when you go into court if possible try to get the records from CPS.
I agree with PP and agree that you need the guidance of an attorney. This is just so tough and I don't think you can afford for something to get messed up.
The fact that the state won't act against her doesn't make it sound overly promising that you guys would be in the clear.
I think YH is doing the right thing. In your shoes, there is no chance in hell that I'd hand over my kid. But I think you need an attorney to tell you whether there's any legal back up for you. It would be awful for you to get to court and get screwed just to find out if you had done X or Y, you would be okay, kwim?
I don't think it either helps or hurts that YH is mostly a SAHD. I think just showing that you have a safe, stable home would be sufficient.
So sorry that you all are continuing to struggle with this. I was glad to read that your SD seems to be adjusting well.
I am asking for advise here because our attorney is hard to get ahold of and takes forever to call back or set up appointments with. We're waiting now.
As a side note, we were advised by CPS in July and by our attorney almost two years ago to let it be unless started pushing. CPS said they would stand by the findings that SD is in the healthy home she needs to be in if it came to it, but considering that CPS and hotline and police have been repeatedly called by numerous people for years and last July was the first time they ever came to talk to SD means that I have very little faith in anything they say.
And yes, if this judge does not see why they should stop contact with BM, and has already made it clear she should have visitations then your DH is violating a CO and there can be consequences. Yet there is no way he should do it differently.
When the police finally investigated, the detective's exact words after watching SD's and her sister's session with the forensoc therapist or whatever she would be called was that their story was too detailed to be true and how could anyone possibly believe that a mother could do those kind of things. We requested theu do a follow up investigative session and they said it would compromise the integrity of the children's statements. The fact that the girls both had the exact same story had no bearing on anything. At the time SD was four and her sister was 7 or 8. When I asked why they thought kids that age would makenup.something like that against their mother, they said they were probably brainwashed and had seen X rated movies. Case was closed before they finished the mandatory home visits and questioning of BM. She never even knew of the kids being questioned.
And CPS never got involved, longer even moreknow unbelievable story on that, until last year. And only then because the older children had moved to.another state where CPS there was investigating, and theu forced our state to get involved, saying it would.hinder theor investogation if they did not and that they had reason to believe another child was still at risk. The findings were that as long as we do not let SD go, she is considered. The fact that we are SUPPOSED to let her go by law is of no concern to CPS.
For a short time, there was an emergency order of protection in which BM could not be alone with SD, but tue court later named maternal grandmother as supervisor. And we got photo documentation of BM being alone in car with SD. When our attorneu addressed that, the temporary supervision order pending final decision was dropped and never reinstated.
Also, now that we are living in a different county, if this goes back court would it be in child's current county of residence or where case started? I am wondering if we could have a different judge.
Sorry for typos.
We wish we could right now. But DH has had his school paid for in exchange for a two year working contract. Done in May, then starts work soon as he psses the NREMT. We plan to move when in a few years, as I have mentioned in a couple of other threads.
I hope you did not think I was questioning if you guys are trying to do enough, you have been here long enough that I trust you do all you think you can.
Thank you, ladies, for the perspective. We have been clinging to the fact that since we have communication open and allowed her to visit, it would make it more obvious thay DH is just protecting her and.not trying to be malicious.
ETA: And yes, I think we need permission to move more than 100 miles away. I have also thought about that regarding. DH would probably need sole custody before we attempt to move. Otherwise it might lean more in her favor, correct? That's what I gathered from a previous thread another poster started.
Im sorry for this whole situation. It sounds like the system has all filed these children, which I know of from experience. I realize that cps feels the is no that nor a need to further investigate once a child stops going to visit which is idiotic. I hope the best for you and the child father it may be a battle
Get a lawyer ASAP. If you can't afford one (good ones can be expensive, I know!) contact the family law center, or whatever is similar in your area. It's a service where lawyers donate their time pro bono and handle cases like these. If you just need a hug, then yes! You sure are right to do what you did.
It's scary and hard, but doing the right thing is always the right thing to do.
Edit: I just saw that you have an attorney and he is very hard to get a hold of, slow to respond? Fire him. Get a new one. This is too big of a deal to let go by the wayside or wait until things get worse.