Adoption
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question for Birth Mom's
Just curious, how did you emotionally feel in the last few weeks of your pregnancy before placing your child with an adoptive family? Did you feel like you needed to know them better? Did you second guess yourself? I feel grateful to those of you who have done this for families as hard as it seems on the AP side, I'm sure your side is just as hard if not harder. Thank You for your insight!
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Re: question for Birth Mom's
I don't want to sound horrible, but I'm pretty positive it's harder for BMs. For me it felt like watching an avalanche coming towards me. I knew it was going to be so hard and it was inevitable. I never questioned my decision by that time (though a lot of BMs do even when they feel pretty sure).
There has been no more painful loss in my life than losing my role in M's life as his mother. Of course I chose it, and M is thriving with his parents, and it worked out for the best for everyone, but that doesn't deny that before he was born, M was my little baby, and when I left the hospital, he wasn't.
A BM is really unlikely to be able to see much of the difficulties AMs face in that time - such a scary time! - so you shouldn't expect that she'll be thinking very much on how to reassure you (I sure wish I'd reassured M's mom more! I just didn't know how common it is for EMs to change their minds).
...? hth
Application approved Dec '11
Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
Homestudy complete July 19
USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
Come home, baby A!
AP here... while I can't begin to speak for BMs.... but I can only imagine that BMs are a million times more scared and nervous. We stand to lose a dream.... something we hoped for and wanted so badly. They are parting with part of them..... someone they've taken care of for as long as they new the baby existed.
As a mom, I cannot imagine how hard it is for birth moms... I can seriously turn on the water works just looking at my girls, imagining the love their BMs had, and how difficult goodbye was for them.
I cried a lot. I would have good days and I would have bad days. I tried the best I could to keep myself busy and keep my mind off of having to leave the hospital without him.
As soon as I got to know my birthson's parents I knew they were going to be his parents and I knew placing him in an adoption was the right decision for him. I was certain with my decision but I honestly had no idea how I was going to do it. I did not know how I could force myself to break my own heart by signing those papers. I was worried about that, but I was very confident in my decision. Really the only way I was able to sign the papers was by making myself go numb that day. I ignored my heart and I forced myself to stick to the decision that I had made before my heart was screaming otherwise.
People would ask me if I was excited or nervous about delivery. Honestly leading up to delivery I wasn't allowing myself to think about it because I knew it meant the day of leaving the hospital without him was coming. So I was looking forward to meeting him, but I did not allow myself to get real excited and really the last thing I was worried about was the actual delivery. But I remember when my water broke I became very excited that I was going to finally meet him! In between contractions I could not stop smiling. When the time came to push I remember thinking it went so fast. I was not ready. I was eager to not be pregnant anymore before, but in that moment I was so upset that my pregnancy was over because that meant I would no longer be his mom and he would no longer be with me 24/7. Delivery brought me one step closer to saying goodbye. So the whole hospital experience was a mix of emotions. I describe my time in the hospital with him as one of the happiest and THE worst time of my life mixed together. When he was born I was crying tears of joy, but also tears for how much I was going to miss him.
I could not of placed my birthson in an adoption if I did not have an open adoption plan with the APs. Knowing them and knowing that I would not be in the dark and would still be able to see him was the only way my heart could handle it. I am so incredibly happy to have my birthson in my life and to actually see him happy, healthy and thriving.
This may sound bad, but I honestly wanted my labor to start so that I could just get past the hard part, which was handing my son over to his parents, and leaving the hospital without him. I was torn between relishing the last moments with my son inside of me, safely held by my body, and feeling as if I would just die if I had to be pregnant another moment. It was very difficult to know that he was my son, but he wasn't my son. I knew that I had 48 hours after he was born, to change my mind, and that was difficult to get through. I woke up that morning, just a few hours shy of the 48 hour mark, panicked. I almost changed my mind. Somehow I was able to put aside my desire, which was to hold that sweet boy and be his mother, and let those last few hours pass. I honestly knew that adoption was the very best decision for him, and couldn't bear to take away his opportunity to be loved and cherished by two people who wanted nothing more than to make him part of their family. I guess it is too difficult to tell you how many thoughts went through my head those last few weeks.
Ididnt feel a thing. I wanted to be in labor after I found the right parents for my son. It was hard. I was fine before having him. I was fine during labor. I was having contraction from 28 weeks til the day he was born, the day before his dd. It was due from all the stress I was under. After he was born, I told the people that I wanted to leave before him. I was a mess. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to curl up and die. But I had to keep a straight face for my oldest son.
I signed the paperwork to resign my rights as a "mom" in the hospital. And I had 2 weeks to change my mind. I was so confused. I was on meds to try and stable me. And it was working until my oldest sons father called me and started poking fun at me saying that I sounded like a zombie and I needed to stop taking meds, and that I should o'd on all of them. I could go on about his dickish mouth.
It is going to be hard.