- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Baby Showers
LaineyPaney
member
WTF is a diaper raffle?
LaineyPaney
member
in Baby Showers
Ummm, I have no idea what y'all are posting about when you mention a diaper raffle...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WTF is a diaper raffle?
If you bring a pack of diapers, you get your name entered into a raffle. Usually, if you bring more diapers you can get your name entered more than once.
I agree with PP it's a lame way to get more stuff from your guests who are already buying you a gift. The showers I have been to, when guest are asked to bring more stuff, they usually will buy lesser gifts, so it doesn't pay off in the long run IMO, it just makes you look greedy.
I have had 2 experiences with diaper raffles.
The first I side-eye'd only because everything on her registry was above $50.00 and it was a huge list. So I thought it was rude I did do the raffle for fear of being the only one who didnt and looking cheap. She got SOOO many diapers and wipes to last over a year it was crazy.
The second time I was invited and they had a diaper raffle I did not mind. She was asking for nothing big on her list (she was taking advantage of her fam/friends second hand items) everything on her registry was small and under $20 because all she really needed was the small things, clothes and diapers.
So I think it depends on the registry IMO to determine if they are being greedy or not.
The problem I have with this logic is that raffles are for fundraisers. Having a "diaper raffle" to me is flat out admitting that you consider your baby shower a fund raiser. Weather you register for $$$ gifts or no gifts at all, it's distasteful.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
And you don't have to partake in it. It's just another stupid shower game.
Ding, ding, ding. I resent being told what to spend my money on. Like others have said, a registry is a suggestion. I usuually prefer shopping directly off someone's registry because it takes the guess work out of it for me, but, again, it's my choice to do so.
Besides, diapers are already so commonly given as gifts. My husband and I have had two modest (in attendance, I mean; gift-wise, they were EXTREMELY generous) showers and we've already gotten nearly 200 diapers. Without even asking for diapers, we've gotten a bunch. So it can't even be argued that a new mother "needs as much as she can get." As if that argument would excuse it anyway...just saying it's not necessary even if it did.
I understand that.
It's common in the shower's I've gone to. I never thought it was inappropriate and it was like $.50 or a $1.00, so it never bothered me much and I didn't leave thinking it was grabby.
My at the time single cousin had one (her boyfriend had to return to Africa). Basically you can enter up to 3 times for wining a gift card and each entry requires one diaper pack. She offered 2 or 3 twenty to twenty-five dollar gift cards. She used gift cards to common gas stations.
My mom bought 2 to bring even though we had a bunch of stuff we had already bought. When I found out she was pregnant and her theme was probably going to be jungle due to her Peace Corps experience, I hit the clearance hard and found cute jungle-theme items. We had stuff that normally would have cost about 70 dollars down to about 30 dollars.
In her case, I understood it since the father wasn't around to do a diaper party. Babies go through them like mad.
I am confused. Diaper parties are also dumb. Diaper parties, Raffles, wishingwells, books instead of cards are all another way to say..."in addition to the gift you are getting me, buy me something else too...something I am dictating specifically, but will call optional, and then if you don't participate you'll sit there awkwardly as these things happen at the shower."
I am all for diapers, or little 0.50 items, or books...but add them to your registry...and then let ME pick what I would like to BUY for YOU.
Around here, diaper parties are thrown by the guys for a new father to be. It's basically stereotyping guys in saying they wouldn't be interested in a baby shower or care enough to pick out the cute outfits or baby toys, but they have enough of an attention span to grab a pack or two of diapers off a shelf. Then they come to a party where they drink and grill regardless of the weather outside. Sexist, yes but that's basically the gist of the diaper parties. If a guy wants a diaper party, then he should be able to have one just like a mother to be should be able to have a baby shower if she wants one.
I'll be honest, most people at the showers I've gone to who are on the dad's list are family and not friends which isn't true for the mother.
It's also sad that you'll choose to sit there awkwardly. I believe strongly that a person's enjoyment of most parties is related to how much they choose to have fun. If they choose to sit at a table and sit there awkwardly instead of involving themselves, then that's their own fault. You could tell someone at the table that you hope they win or if there are a bunch of prizes, ask people around you which ones they would want. But, you can sit there awkwardly if you choose instead of having fun.
Our little lightbulb is on the way!
12 weeks 3 days
TTC since Oct 2011
Me: 33, hypothyroidism since 14, cleared all HSG, US, Pre-pregnancy panel tests.
Hubby: 36, testicular Ca, chemo April-May 2012.
Natural cycle IUI #1 with trigger and Progesterone Suppositories (Jun 2012) Neg
Natural Cycle IUI #2 with trigger and Progesterone Suppositories (Jul 2012) NEG
Aug 2012 - break due to needing a girls' weekend in Cape Cod
Natural Cycle IUI #3 with trigger and prednisone (Sep 2012) NEGATIVE
Switched fertility clinics - forced break Oct 2012
Natural Cycle IUI #4 (Nov 2012) no trigger, no progesterone, no prednisone (Nov 2012) - Neg
1st round Clomid Cycle IUI #5 (Dec 2012) - POS
Around here, diaper parties are thrown by the guys for a new father to be. It's basically stereotyping guys in saying they wouldn't be interested in a baby shower or care enough to pick out the cute outfits or baby toys, but they have enough of an attention span to grab a pack or two of diapers off a shelf. Then they come to a party where they drink and grill regardless of the weather outside. Sexist, yes but that's basically the gist of the diaper parties. If a guy wants a diaper party, then he should be able to have one just like a mother to be should be able to have a baby shower if she wants one.
I'll be honest, most people at the showers I've gone to who are on the dad's list are family and not friends which isn't true for the mother.
It's also sad that you'll choose to sit there awkwardly. I believe strongly that a person's enjoyment of most parties is related to how much they choose to have fun. If they choose to sit at a table and sit there awkwardly instead of involving themselves, then that's their own fault. You could tell someone at the table that you hope they win or if there are a bunch of prizes, ask people around you which ones they would want. But, you can sit there awkwardly if you choose instead of having fun.
My husband is annoyingly excited about DDs arrival and buys something for her each time he is at the store. Guys can be excited but why do they need to tell their friends to bring them diapers to hang out? In fact, my husband just went to a diaper party last weekend where the FTBs friends all met up for wings and beer...and a bunch of dudes all walked in with their pack of diapers, and agreed they wouldn't do that to eachother anymore, bc its shitty. "Lets get together and you can bring me stuff." I love when dads are excited but they can buy their own diapers, and don't need to tell others to do it.
And it IS awkward...and although any awkwardness felt wouldn't void me of a good time, it still is a shitty feeling to be a person who doesn't participate in these "optional" additional activities. And whether I choose to participate in these things isn't always a conscious thing either...some people flat out forget...read some of the other posts here and you'll realize there are more people out there who would rather not be bothered with all these new fangled traditions and just buy a normal gift and be done with it..it doesn't make us bad people...its just a damn hassle..
Most of my friends are guys and if it's not their kid, they aren't as enthusiastic. Most of them aren't really that fond of clothes shopping more than twice a year let alone clothes shopping for someone else's infant.
Same question could apply to throwing baby showers. Why would you throw a baby shower when you can just invite friends and family over to hang out? Because it's an excuse to get together and also to willingly help a friend. A lot of people would rather give gifts in this manner than just show up announced with a bunch of diapers and clothes.
It sure sounds like it's ruining your good time. An average person wouldn't care if you didn't bring a diaper pack for the raffle. Seriously, the baby shower isn't going to revolve around you choosing not to participate. It may feel like you're the center of the shower, but you're not.Honestly though, if I had a shower and you were my friend, I would rather you didn't bother coming to the shower or even send gifts if including a diaper raffle would make you awkward and awful. Just based on how you're acting in regards to this, it sounds like you need to lighten up and not take things so seriously. Yes, if you were my friend I would rather you stay at home than to possibly spoil a good time because you don't want to participate in optional activities.
That's just it - you are saying you wouldn't want a friend there if they didn't want to participate in "optional" activities...so then it's mandatory to bring diapers for your raffle to attend in your eyes??? Moreover, I would now DEFINITELY feel awkward if I attended your shower without diapers, and knew what I know now about you - that you'd side-eye me if I didn't participate, and you'd rather I stayed at home (and not get you anything) than participate in "optional" activities.
And it's not that diapers are a big deal...it's that at the end of the day, people bring you gifts, and if they want to participate in "optional" activities at your shower, they have to bring something additional as well. How about the MTB just registers for damn diapers if she wants so many? It's rude to tell people HOW to spend their money at a shower. Let's say for instance, I bought you that PPB diaper bag you really wanted, and I spent the $180 on it. I'm the *** because I didn't also bring the diapers.
Awesome.
Let me break it down for you...
"Honestly though, if I had a shower and you were my friend, I would rather you didn't bother coming to the shower or even send gifts if including a diaper raffle would make you awkward and awful."
Meaning I would take a positive person who spends nothing over someone who will spend money but sit there and pout. I believe in spending time with positive people and would prefer to surround myself with people who will be positive for me instead of sit there miserable. Money < Memories
"Just based on how you're acting in regards to this."
You make it a point to describe yourself as you would feel awkward. Why bother coming if something like a diaper raffle can make you feel awkward. It's a diaper raffle. Don't participate.
" Yes, if you were my friend I would rather you stay at home than to possibly spoil a good time because you don't want to participate in optional activities."
Yes, I would want you to stay at home because you could spoil a good time by sitting there and letting yourself feel awkward. Seriously. What type of person would get so worked up over a diaper raffle to allow themselves to feel awkward if they didn't participate?
So yes, I don't want someone who will allow themselves to feel awkward at a party regardless of the 180 dollars gift they picked out because money doesn't buy happiness or memories.
Also, 180 dollar diaper bag? Really? Sounds like whoever would request a 180 dollar diaper bag doesn't have their priorities set straight considering I can get an excellent quality bug-out bag that I know will survive rough handling for about 140 and I could get a changing pad and wipes case for an additional 20 dollars. (Actually, I think it's like 90 dollars for the camouflage through my military ex).
Let me see if I can be clearer...if you have optional activities at your shower that require your guests to spend more money on you in order to participate, it's rude. And if a guest happens to forget, or be among those who don't participate for whatever reason, it makes them feel awkward.
I am hoping as you get older and more of your friends have kids, you'll realize shaking down your friends for more gifts is rude....even when you try and mask it by saying it's an optional game.
Or maybe you wont.
Le sigh...
I see why people complain about the baby shower section now.
First, I would have hoped you would have common sense not to buy a 180 dollar diaper bag. If you did just because your friend asked for one, you're an idiot. Seriously. There's a difference between quality and price and while sometimes they are correlated, you can find a diaper bag under 60 dollars that is the same quality as the 180 dollar diaper bag. Given your specific rant about it and including the number in it, chances are you did decide to spend 180 dollars on a diaper bag.
Second, if your friends are that materialistic to think that a 180 dollar diaper bag is okay, you may want to have a sit down talk with them about it. No one needs a 180 dollar diaper bag. If they want a name brand diaper bag that's overpriced like that, then they need to be able to afford it on their own
Third, it's not shaking them down for gifts. If you're against it, don't participate. However, don't also sit there and let yourself feel awkward because the party isn't about you.
I can tell that I did hit a sore spot when I told you to quit pouting.
I hope you and your friends become less materialistic. However, I suppose if you have the type of friends who are running around asking for 180 dollar diaper bags, they may be extorting you to ask you to buy them the specific brand of diapers or you can only enter in with a certain gift. In that case, someone should reevaluate the type of people they choose to hang out with.
Well this is ironic...look at the bolded parts. You could take out "$180 diaper bag" and put "books instead of cards" or "diaper raffle" in and have pretty much every argument against those two things.
So basically you're saying that as long as what you're asking your friends to buy for you is under a certain dollar amount, it's ok, but if you hit that mark, the mother to be is being rude and unrealistic and you should stop being friends with them.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I would object if the invite read "1 pack of diapers to enter" or "must bring 1 pack of diapers." However, it is optional. While the person may feel bad, they should also not let themselves feel bad. If they feel so strongly that they would let themselves feel bad because they chose not to participate in an optional event, then I don't think they should come to the party. I am not saying they must come to the party and participate, I am saying that they shouldn't be caught up in their own image that they will feel bad for saying no.
I think some people have that issue, especially when they brought up the 180 dollar diaper bag. If you cannot say no to buying a 180 diaper bag even though a cheaper diaper bag would be just as good, then there is an issue here. I would be mortified to ask family members to spend 180 dollars on a diaper bag. I would be horrified if they spent more than 25 dollars on a shower gift. In fact, when people exchange gifts with me for Christmas, birthday, etc, I tell them to get me stuff I'd actually use. A ten dollar pack of onesies will go a lot further than a 25 dollar outfit.
Oh and the 140 dollar bag I used as an example (I think it's actually under 100 through the Navy exchange)? Is an extremely heavy duty bag that survived 40+ pounds of books and my friend's bag survived a spill off of his motorcycle. I doubt a 180 dollar diaper bag would survive that heavy of usage.
It's still greedy to ask for 180 dollar diaper bag. Yeah, it's a wish list but it should also be realistic. If a mother decides to buy a 180 dollar diaper bag herself, that's ridiculous. My book bag was a splurge but it was also necessary due to the fact that I was going through 30 dollar book bags due to the fact that they can't handle carrying around 40+ pounds of books several times a day.
Who would side eye them? Honestly? I think you so caught up with yourself or your friends are so selfish that they would think twice that someone didn't participate. If your friends are that selfish that they will hold it against you, get new friends. If they won't hold it against you, then quit beating yourself up for saying no.
As for etiquette, people pick and choose what kind of etiquette they want to follow as long as it follows their own opinions. Everyone is guilty of this. I view it as poor taste to let yourself feel awkward over a choice you made. The whole concept of etiquette is constantly changing too. For a guest to let themselves feel awkward over a choice is in poor taste and shouldn't bother coming to the party.
Once again though, maybe you need less materialistic friends who won't judge who for not buying them a diaper for the diaper raffle.
Actually, the whole gift giving part of a baby shower should be optional. If anyone would turn away a friend away from the shower because they can't afford a gift, then they aren't very good friends. And actually, I think that all new parents should go into parenthood assuming they will get nothing at their baby shower and not rely on the shower to get anything. That way they can save up to buy the big ticket items like a stroller, crib, highchair, car seat, etc along with the little stuff of diapers, shampoo, clothes, etc.
As for a 180 dollar diaper bag? Really? That's more than some car seats cost.