BM ask my H if we were having another LO...(vent)

Crook251 · February 2013

So yea today I over heard my hubby say over the phone "yea I'm about to have 3 kids now. I thought you knew." After he got off the phone I couldn't help but ask what they were talking about. She did in fact ask him if we were expecting another baby. I know most of you think it's no big deal but I don't think it is her business nor her place to ask my husband. So yea....I kinda got pissed off about it because when she DOES talk to me she always says she is calling about her son and I don't have nothing to do with her son and his dad(really???).

On a different note it's my H's weekend to get his son. She is supposed to bring him over but Mr. Nice guy decides that he would meet her 20 mins away to get him. So we were expecting to meet her around 6 when she got off from work. She kept calling and texting just BSing as to an exact time she would meet us.I don't know why she just didn't tell us she really wanted to take him to the Mardi Gras parade and would meet us afterwards. Needless to say at 9 tonight we were leaving our home to meet her 20 mins away. I feel like she should have had to bring him to us since she is ordered to bring him and due to the fact that she had something she wanted to do with him.

I'm just sick of the BS and my hormones don't help. Sorry so long just wanted to see if I was the only one who had to be around and deal with such foolishness.

Littlejen22 · February 2013

How PG are you and does his DS know?

Crook251 · February 2013

I'm 6 months and he has known since we found out which was back in Sept.

J&A2008 · February 2013

I think by the time you're six months along a head's up to BM would be reasonable. BM is your family, even though you may not like her, and it's not wrong of your DH to tell her.

SimpleJane · February 2013

JA2008:
I think by the time you're six months along a head's up to BM would be reasonable.nbsp; BM is your family, even though you may not like her, and it's not wrong of your DH to tell her.nbsp;

It will affect her son, so it is her business. You guys should have told her before now.

As for the meeting her 20 min away at 9pm, you have a DH problem, not a BM problem. If it is in the CO that she bring SS to you at an earlier time then DH needs to make it clear that is what is going to happen instead of agreeing to work around her schedule.

Crook251 · February 2013

LOL......well according to her I'm not family.I never said I don't like her, I don't like her ways. I have reached out to her to many times to count, but she prefers to pretend that I'm not in the picture and has pretty much in kept it that way. (Might I add that she was never an exwife, or girl friend, just a one night stand and she has only been in the picture since the last couple of years when my H pretty much forced his right on her in court). This gives gives me more reason to think that what's going on between me and my hubby is not her business. Why do you think she needs a head's up....just curious?

Crook251 · February 2013

I think by the time you're six months along a head's up to BM would be reasonable.nbsp; BM is your family, even though you may not like her, and it's not wrong of your DH to tell her.nbsp;

SimpleJane:
JA2008:
It will affect her son, so it is her business. You guys should have told her before now. .

This is true and that's why we told him when we found out. We also talk about the new baby as we do with our son. My SS has 3 other brothers and sisters at home with him so it's not like it's his first rodeo with a new baby.

lookame3639 · February 2013

A heads up would be appropriate so she would be a able to handleany questions or concerns the child may bring to her attention. You sound prettyuupset with her probably because of things that happened in the past and her overall feeling towards you but in a situation like this she still should know if things which affect the child.

As for having YH pick the child up at 9:00 if YH has a court order then he should reinforce it. If there is no court order then he should get one.

As another note I prefer not to speak with my ex girlfriend but that's becauseshe had an attitude of a 13 year old and starts fights because it makes her feel like she accomplished something. She has also held my son from me at pickups and she gets on the Internet aand pays rude and untrue things about me as well as my son. She also contacted me one day saying my son wanted to speak with me, then hung up on me and refused to b let me talk to my son then spent the rest of the weekend telling him I hated him and wanted him to live with them. So now I just deal with my ex not her.

fellesferie · February 2013

She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.

But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.

It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn?

When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people.

Crook251 · February 2013

fellesferie:
She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.
But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.
It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn?
When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people.

I don't expect her to nor do I need her to do anything like that at all. And to even ask her to do so would be feeding into exactly what she wants so that she can do the opposite of what I try to work out with her. We don't communicate AT ALL. We already have our summer visitation worked out so that's one thing I don't have to worry about conflicting with the LO. If anything she will try to keep my SS away from us when the LO arrives. She's the type who likes to compare and get jealous about what's going on between my H, my son and I. Then she tries to use what she knows against him to make stupid arguments and fights. In all honesty I knew she would find out sooner or later, to make a big deal of it to my Hubby, when she clearly hates me.....yea that's what I can't wrap my fingers around. The big deal to her was not because she just found out but because we are having another child and in her eyes that takes away from her having any chance of thinking she can hook back up with my H(and their is proof that she still wants to hook up with him). Not to mention the last time she found out I was prego ( 7 years ago), on two attempts she tried to drive me off the highway. So yea, if she tried to harm me then their is no telling what she would do now.

In reference to what another posted stated about answering questions my SS may have about the new baby, my H and I get all the questions about that(and there hasn't been many). He talks to me and tells me more than he does his mother and father because he never really gets to see his mother due to how she works and I guess he rather talk to me than his dad sometimes.

Anyway.......Thanks everyone for you 'OPINION'. I just needed to vent last night. I don't expect everyone to agree or disagree with me because clearly you don't know the type of person I'm dealing with, our complete situation, nor do you know anything about me. So trying to determined who is right and wrong in this case would really be unfair.

CFjo2010 · February 2013

fellesferie:
She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn? When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people.nbsp;

This. Like it or not, it IS her business. Not from the standpoint of making decisions, but because it impacts her child as well. Plus, I'm of the belief that BM should have been told by you guys BEFORE she heard it from SS. Why put a child in the position to play messenger?

We told BM I was pregnant the day we told K. K was with us for the weekend and my husband informed BM right after pickup. They were never married and were broken up when she found out she was pregnant with K, but we felt she still deserved a heads up. BM in my situation is completely unreasonable and volatile most times, which is why we told her when we did. It allowed her a few days to process the news and get herself "in check" before K would be back with her and talking about the baby.

CFjo2010 · February 2013

Crook251:
fellesferie:
She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.
But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.
It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn?
When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people. 
I don't expect her to nor do I need her to do anything like that at all. And to even ask her to do so would be feeding into exactly what she  wants so that she can do the opposite of what I try to work out with her. We don't communicate AT ALL. We already have our summer visitation worked out so that's one thing I don't have to worry about conflicting with the LO. If anything she will try to keep my SS away from us when the LO arrives. She's the type who likes to compare and get jealous about what's going on between my H, my son and I. Then she tries to use what she knows against him to make stupid arguments and fights. In all honesty I knew she would find out sooner or later, to make a big deal of it to my Hubby, when she clearly hates me.....yea that's what I can't wrap my fingers around. The big deal to her was not because she just found out but because we are having another child and in her eyes that takes away from her having any chance of thinking she can hook back up with my H(and their is proof that she still wants to hook up with him). Not to mention the last time she found out I was prego ( 7 years ago), on two attempts she tried to drive me off the highway. So yea, if she tried to harm me then their is no telling what she would do now.
In reference to what another posted stated about answering questions my SS may have about the new baby, my H and I get all the questions about that(and  there hasn't been many). He talks to me and tells me more than he does his mother and father because he never really gets to see his mother due to how she works and I guess he rather talk to me than his dad sometimes.
 Anyway.......Thanks everyone for you 'OPINION'. I just needed to vent last night. I don't expect everyone to agree or disagree with me because clearly you don't know the  type of person I'm dealing with, our complete situation, nor do you know anything about me. So trying to determined who is  right and wrong in this case would really be unfair.

Wow. So since none of us jumped on board and agreed with you that it's absolutely none of BM's business, our opinions are worthless? Got it. You're a peach.

You flat out ASKED why it was BM's business, and we answered you. No one said you were wrong and BM was right. No one pointed blame at all. We simply explained why BM should be given a heads up. BM in my situation is BSC. She's emotionally manipulative of K, files bogus retraining orders, bullies my 9 year old daughter, etc and yet my husban and I STILL try to work with her because that's what has to happen in blended families. You seem to be so wrapped up in what has happened in the past with BM and your obvious resentment towards her, that you cannot see what simple common courtesies should be extended. That's a shame.

Don't expect many "opinions" on other posts you make since you obviously only want opinion that align with your own. Best of luck to you. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy.

+just+j+ · February 2013

To answer your original question or not had to deal with and be around this foolishness - yes, I have.

H's ex- SD's mom - wants to get back together with H. She was also determined to see DD and I didn't allow it to happen. It's easier for me because BM lives states away and SD was and adult by then. Regardless, I had to deal with a BM that liked drama.

What did I do? I ignored her. My husband also didn't entertain her silliness either.

You let her get to you too much. She asked a fair question. Now she knows. Let it go and move on. THis is not worth getting worked up over. Seriously.

katie_cj · February 2013

I find it hard to believe that you are so indignant about her verifying that you are indeed expecting...when you are 6 months along and your SS knows?

All you needed to tell her is that you are having a baby and a broad time frame. And it is her business. Her son is going to have a sibling and that affects him, so it affects her.

Crook251 · February 2013

jobalchak:
fellesferie:
She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn? When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people.nbsp;
This. Like it or not, it IS her business. Not from the standpoint of making decisions, but because it impacts her child as well. Plus, I'm of the belief that BM should have been told by you guys BEFORE she heard it from SS. Why put a child in the position to play messenger? .

Crook251 · February 2013

+just+j+:
To answer your original question or not had to deal with and be around this foolishness - yes, I have.
H's ex- SD's mom - wants to get back together with H. She was also determined to see DD and I didn't allow it to happen. It's easier for me because BM lives states away and SD was and adult by then. Regardless, I had to deal with a BM that liked drama.
What did I do? I ignored her. My husband also didn't entertain her silliness either.
You let her get to you too much. She asked a fair question. Now she knows. Let it go and move on. THis is not worth getting worked up over. Seriously.

Someone got the point of this post! I couldn't agree more...she knows...now what??...who cares....already moved on!

Crook251 · February 2013

MelRC117:
Crook251:
fellesferie:
She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.
But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.
It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn?
When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people.
I don't expect her to nor do I need her to do anything like that at all. And to even ask her to do so would be feeding into exactly what she wants so that she can do the opposite of what I try to work out with her. We don't communicate AT ALL. We already have our summer visitation worked out so that's one thing I don't have to worry about conflicting with the LO. If anything she will try to keep my SS away from us when the LO arrives. She's the type who likes to compare and get jealous about what's going on between my H, my son and I. Then she tries to use what she knows against him to make stupid arguments and fights. In all honesty I knew she would find out sooner or later, to make a big deal of it to my Hubby, when she clearly hates me.....yea that's what I can't wrap my fingers around. The big deal to her was not because she just found out but because we are having another child and in her eyes that takes away from her having any chance of thinking she can hook back up with my H(and their is proof that she still wants to hook up with him). Not to mention the last time she found out I was prego ( 7 years ago), on two attempts she tried to drive me off the highway. So yea, if she tried to harm me then their is no telling what she would do now.
In reference to what another posted stated about answering questions my SS may have about the new baby, my H and I get all the questions about that(and there hasn't been many). He talks to me and tells me more than he does his mother and father because he never really gets to see his mother due to how she works and I guess he rather talk to me than his dad sometimes.
Anyway.......Thanks everyone for you 'OPINION'. I just needed to vent last night. I don't expect everyone to agree or disagree with me because clearly you don't know the type of person I'm dealing with, our complete situation, nor do you know anything about me. So trying to determined who is right and wrong in this case would really be unfair.
we are going off what YOU told us. It may not be what you want to hear and will probably ignore it anyways. We obviously don't know your lyfe but whatever is going boils down to it WILL affect her child. Who's to say the child won't ask HER questions? That's naive thinking that the child will only ask you and your H.

This! Big Smile

Ilumine · February 2013

Crook251:
MelRC117:
Crook251:
fellesferie:
She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.
But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.
It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn?
When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people.
I don't expect her to nor do I need her to do anything like that at all. And to even ask her to do so would be feeding into exactly what she wants so that she can do the opposite of what I try to work out with her. We don't communicate AT ALL. We already have our summer visitation worked out so that's one thing I don't have to worry about conflicting with the LO. If anything she will try to keep my SS away from us when the LO arrives. She's the type who likes to compare and get jealous about what's going on between my H, my son and I. Then she tries to use what she knows against him to make stupid arguments and fights. In all honesty I knew she would find out sooner or later, to make a big deal of it to my Hubby, when she clearly hates me.....yea that's what I can't wrap my fingers around. The big deal to her was not because she just found out but because we are having another child and in her eyes that takes away from her having any chance of thinking she can hook back up with my H(and their is proof that she still wants to hook up with him). Not to mention the last time she found out I was prego ( 7 years ago), on two attempts she tried to drive me off the highway. So yea, if she tried to harm me then their is no telling what she would do now.
In reference to what another posted stated about answering questions my SS may have about the new baby, my H and I get all the questions about that(and there hasn't been many). He talks to me and tells me more than he does his mother and father because he never really gets to see his mother due to how she works and I guess he rather talk to me than his dad sometimes.
Anyway.......Thanks everyone for you 'OPINION'. I just needed to vent last night. I don't expect everyone to agree or disagree with me because clearly you don't know the type of person I'm dealing with, our complete situation, nor do you know anything about me. So trying to determined who is right and wrong in this case would really be unfair.
we are going off what YOU told us. It may not be what you want to hear and will probably ignore it anyways. We obviously don't know your lyfe but whatever is going boils down to it WILL affect her child. Who's to say the child won't ask HER questions? That's naive thinking that the child will only ask you and your H.
This!

So sad.

FutureMrsWittig · February 2013

Crook251:
fellesferie:

She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.

But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.

It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn?

When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people.

I don't expect her to nor do I need her to do anything like that at all. And to even ask her to do so would be feeding into exactly what she wants so that she can do the opposite of what I try to work out with her. We don't communicate AT ALL. We already have our summer visitation worked out so that's one thing I don't have to worry about conflicting with the LO. If anything she will try to keep my SS away from us when the LO arrives. She's the type who likes to compare and get jealous about what's going on between my H, my son and I. Then she tries to use what she knows against him to make stupid arguments and fights. In all honesty I knew she would find out sooner or later, to make a big deal of it to my Hubby, when she clearly hates me.....yea that's what I can't wrap my fingers around. The big deal to her was not because she just found out but because we are having another child and in her eyes that takes away from her having any chance of thinking she can hook back up with my H(and their is proof that she still wants to hook up with him). Not to mention the last time she found out I was prego ( 7 years ago), on two attempts she tried to drive me off the highway. So yea, if she tried to harm me then their is no telling what she would do now.

In reference to what another posted stated about answering questions my SS may have about the new baby, my H and I get all the questions about that(and there hasn't been many). He talks to me and tells me more than he does his mother and father because he never really gets to see his mother due to how she works and I guess he rather talk to me than his dad sometimes.

Anyway.......Thanks everyone for you 'OPINION'. I just needed to vent last night. I don't expect everyone to agree or disagree with me because clearly you don't know the type of person I'm dealing with, our complete situation, nor do you know anything about me. So trying to determined who is right and wrong in this case would really be unfair.

The fact that you're so defensive suggests that you know you're not 100% in the right here. Your pregnant, and this woman has made an effort to make your life difficult, so it's understandable that you want to create space and distance. But she asked your H a direct question. To expect him to be petty and refuse to answer or to lie, isn't right, and I think you know this.

Whether it's her business or not, she'd have found out eventually from the child she shares with your H. Does it really make a difference if it's then or now?

And if you are genuinely concerned for your own safety you should seek out an order of protection for yourself against her.

kali55 · February 2013

jobalchak:

This. Like it or not, it IS her business. Not from the standpoint of making decisions, but because it impacts her child as well. Plus, I'm of the belief that BM should have been told by you guys BEFORE she heard it from SS. Why put a child in the position to play messenger? We told BM I was pregnant the day we told K. K was with us for the weekend and my husband informed BM right after pickup. They were never married and were broken up when she found out she was pregnant with K, but we felt she still deserved a heads up. BM in my situation is completely unreasonable and volatile most times, which is why we told her when we did. It allowed her a few days to process the news and get herself "in check" before K would be back with her and talking about the baby.

OP, I think you should pay special attention to the bolded.

I can understand why you would not want to tell her as it sounds like you would have expected to hear a completely negative reaction to one of the happiest moments of your life and you may think that BM's actions to you do not warrant being informed about your pregnancy, however by withholding the information you only put your SS in an awkward situation.

Crook251 · February 2013

kali55:
jobalchak:

This. Like it or not, it IS her business. Not from the standpoint of making decisions, but because it impacts her child as well. Plus, I'm of the belief that BM should have been told by you guys BEFORE she heard it from SS. Why put a child in the position to play messenger? We told BM I was pregnant the day we told K. K was with us for the weekend and my husband informed BM right after pickup. They were never married and were broken up when she found out she was pregnant with K, but we felt she still deserved a heads up. BM in my situation is completely unreasonable and volatile most times, which is why we told her when we did. It allowed her a few days to process the news and get herself "in check" before K would be back with her and talking about the baby.

OP, I think you should pay special attention to the bolded.

I can understand why you would not want to tell her as it sounds like you would have expected to hear a completely negative reaction to one of the happiest moments of your life and you may think that BM's actions to you do not warrant being informed about your pregnancy, however by withholding the information you only put your SS in an awkward situation.

I don't know what you are talking about, because I never said we sent S S to tell his mother. In fact I don't know who told her(i'm guessing facebook). My husband just assumed that he told her, which he obviously didn't because she would have known before now.

Just want to clear that up!

Bottom line my H felt like he didn't have to make an extra effort to go and tell his BM that he was expecting another child with his wife. She knows now so it's over and done with.

Crook251 · February 2013

FutureMrsWittig:
Crook251:
fellesferie:

She sounds like a real pleasure to deal with.

But I don't think you can seriously contend that it's unreasonable that she would ask and that your husband would answer.

It's not going to affect her AT ALL when you have a baby? You aren't going to ask to adjust the schedule depending on when you go into labor? You aren't going to want any flexibility on her part when you have a newborn?

When I was pg w/ DD I told DS at 13 weeks, and I told XH a few days later. If he ever knocked up his gf, I don't expect he would tell me, but we are not the same people.

I don't expect her to nor do I need her to do anything like that at all. And to even ask her to do so would be feeding into exactly what she wants so that she can do the opposite of what I try to work out with her. We don't communicate AT ALL. We already have our summer visitation worked out so that's one thing I don't have to worry about conflicting with the LO. If anything she will try to keep my SS away from us when the LO arrives. She's the type who likes to compare and get jealous about what's going on between my H, my son and I. Then she tries to use what she knows against him to make stupid arguments and fights. In all honesty I knew she would find out sooner or later, to make a big deal of it to my Hubby, when she clearly hates me.....yea that's what I can't wrap my fingers around. The big deal to her was not because she just found out but because we are having another child and in her eyes that takes away from her having any chance of thinking she can hook back up with my H(and their is proof that she still wants to hook up with him). Not to mention the last time she found out I was prego ( 7 years ago), on two attempts she tried to drive me off the highway. So yea, if she tried to harm me then their is no telling what she would do now.

In reference to what another posted stated about answering questions my SS may have about the new baby, my H and I get all the questions about that(and there hasn't been many). He talks to me and tells me more than he does his mother and father because he never really gets to see his mother due to how she works and I guess he rather talk to me than his dad sometimes.

Anyway.......Thanks everyone for you 'OPINION'. I just needed to vent last night. I don't expect everyone to agree or disagree with me because clearly you don't know the type of person I'm dealing with, our complete situation, nor do you know anything about me. So trying to determined who is right and wrong in this case would really be unfair.

The fact that you're so defensive suggests that you know you're not 100% in the right here. Your pregnant, and this woman has made an effort to make your life difficult, so it's understandable that you want to create space and distance. But she asked your H a direct question. To expect him to be petty and refuse to answer or to lie, isn't right, and I think you know this.

Whether it's her business or not, she'd have found out eventually from the child she shares with your H. Does it really make a difference if it's then or now?

And if you are genuinely concerned for your own safety you should seek out an order of protection for yourself against her.

Yada, Yada...this is where I laugh because you have no idea...I haven't created space between us. I've reached out to her years ago and even before I became pregnant. How hard is it to understand that SHE does not want to talk to OR deal with ME at ALL! She says that her son is NOT my business.

I never expected my H to not answer or lie.....I never expected her to ask when she clearly knew the answer.

I tried to seek protection, I went to my local police department and I guess my case wasn't strong enough or they just didn't want to deal with it because they told me to just ignore her and stay away from her. So yea....

CFjo2010 · February 2013

Really OP? We offer you advice that YOU asked for and you respond with "Yada Yada"?! Wow. Normally I try and keep my language clean and avoid name calling but you are really an immature ***. You and BM deserve each other.

Crook251 · February 2013

jobalchak:
Really OP? We offer you advice that YOU asked for and you respond with "Yada Yada"?! Wow. Normally I try and keep my language clean and avoid name calling but you are really an immature ***. You and BM deserve each other.

LMBO! Show me where I asked for ADVICE!

The fact that you called me a *** really shows who the mature one is huh!?!? Only little immature GIRLS would do such. Lucky for you, you can hide behind your screen and call me such a name without really getting a REAL piece of my mind.

fellesferie · February 2013

Locking this one.

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BM ask my H if we were having another LO...(vent)

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