- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
August 2011 Moms
Rachey1082
member
Advice needed
Rachey1082
member
Can you tell we've has an interesting week?? Yesterday we had Liam's conference with his teacher and today was Liam's 4 year checkup and Jacks 18 month checkup.
The past year or more we've noticed Liam is a little different. He is a terrible sleeper, not very social, doesn't always make eye contact, has trouble focusing in group environments, is rough with classmates and friends, but, he's highly imaginative, loves dress up play, is reading, is doing simple math, etc.
My SIL and my friend, who has two of her three kids have autism, both think he has a form of autism and think he should be tested.
His teacher says no way does he have autism, but ADHD, she didn't use words just implied, is a definite possibility. We're doing the right things to guide him with martial arts, swimming lessons and playdates, but maybe could use a professional evaluation.
His pediatrician thinks OT is bullshiit when it comes to kids his age. He isn't sold on it working and thinks its over priced. He thinks we're doing the right things to draw a straight path to success. He even said, "don't make the people around you make you feel bad or that you're not helping him. Signing him up for martial arts, preschool and playdates are good moves for a kid his age."
He also asked if he sits and reads. When I said yes, he will sit and read for an extended period of time. He said that's a huge sign that there is nothing wrong.
Would you have him evaluated? SIL is being really pushy about it. But, she IS an OT. DH and I are not sure what to do. I find it overwhelming and I'm wishy washy when it comes to making a choice on getting him evaluated or not.
Anyone have any insight? I'm lost.
The past year or more we've noticed Liam is a little different. He is a terrible sleeper, not very social, doesn't always make eye contact, has trouble focusing in group environments, is rough with classmates and friends, but, he's highly imaginative, loves dress up play, is reading, is doing simple math, etc.
My SIL and my friend, who has two of her three kids have autism, both think he has a form of autism and think he should be tested.
His teacher says no way does he have autism, but ADHD, she didn't use words just implied, is a definite possibility. We're doing the right things to guide him with martial arts, swimming lessons and playdates, but maybe could use a professional evaluation.
His pediatrician thinks OT is bullshiit when it comes to kids his age. He isn't sold on it working and thinks its over priced. He thinks we're doing the right things to draw a straight path to success. He even said, "don't make the people around you make you feel bad or that you're not helping him. Signing him up for martial arts, preschool and playdates are good moves for a kid his age."
He also asked if he sits and reads. When I said yes, he will sit and read for an extended period of time. He said that's a huge sign that there is nothing wrong.
Would you have him evaluated? SIL is being really pushy about it. But, she IS an OT. DH and I are not sure what to do. I find it overwhelming and I'm wishy washy when it comes to making a choice on getting him evaluated or not.
Anyone have any insight? I'm lost.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice needed
Wow, I'm sorry Mama. Those are definitely not words to throw around lightly. Can you get a second opinion? What would getting him evaluated actually entail?
Well, we're without insurance. So, if we're thinking about it we should probably just go all the way and have him evaluated. I'm not sure what it entails or the cost. I was going to call around Monday and find that out.
She's a pushy person to begin with. She even said she thought he could get into special preschool which I super side eyed because it's clear to most people that he's not that bad. And, he hasn't fallen behind at all. Infact, he's advanced.
I'm going to look at this from a teacher point of view and not as a parent. In my classroom, we can't just say that a child is "different" and have it warrant an evaluation. For example, if I notice a child is very behind in reading, I have to try a specified amount of interventions for a specified amount of time. If after I have done things and I still notice no improvement, then I can have the child evaluated.
For you, it sounds like you have identified some things that you see as "off" so you are trying out some different activities to see if it helps with these things. It may just be his personality, it may be something else but I think for the time being you are doing exactly what you need to do. I'd say continue doing what you are doing and give him some time. If after trying different classes/situations/etc you still have concerns, then I would maybe move forward with some type of formal evaluation. Don't let someone talk you into something.
Good luck and I hope that made sense!
Thank you for this.
He's always been a poor sleeper and never really napped. I've heard this is a sign of a bright child, as is the super imagination. Or, perhaps I'm trying to be positive.
This is a list of specific differences I've noticed from other kids his age.
Unless they're playing pretend or imaginations he doesn't play with other kids at all. He plays by himself and is usually pretend cooking or fireman.
He doesn't, maybe can't, follow simple directions. Putting on shoes and a coat are huge challenges daily.
Super impulsive. He doesn't say what he's thinking or feeling. He just acts on it, even if he's well aware that it upsets the kids around him. Ex: his older cousin and one of his friends like to line up toys. He will knock them over, then, after the fact reminds himself that it was wrong and upsets his friends.
He has trouble with eye contact. He's nearly impossible to take a picture of because he won't look at the camera. He runs in a line when he's talking to people or playing pretend.
I don't think his pedi is an expert on this, but he did say he was really too young to see if it's anything at all. He said to give him time.
We're going to talk to DH's uncle tomorrow who is a child therapist. maybe he can offer a different perspective as well.
Thank you for your opinion. I totally understand what you're saying. I think we may be leaning in the direction of giving him more time and some trial and error. I'm also thinking of revamping his diet and trying to eliminate any processed foods and dyes.
Eye contact and child interaction are a little concerning to me at his age of 4.
So he gets evaluated and doesn't need anything you have a better picture. He gets evaluated and does need services it's covered and he starts getting help and improving. As far as special school, speaking from NY he would need 2 or more areas of need 25 delay to qualify for free special schooling. One delay is no school and just EI 33 delay or one area. Before age 3 it's 45minutes after 3 it's 30 minutes starting at 3 or the start of school year after 3rd bday. I am special education teacher and just complete my masters with Early childhood extension for EI. You can message me for more info if you want.
I think I phrased the SIL thing wrong. There were two sep people that came to me about his behavior. SIL was one and my friend that two out of her three kids have autism is the other.
I'll try the direction thing! Maybe if I make it fun the outcome will be different, I didn't think of that. I really feel like he's made huge improvements in this area since he started preschool this fall. I'm going to send him to preschool in the summer too. Hopefully this helps with the social issue.
And yes, he will go to kindergarden not next year, but the year after when he's 5, going on 6. I think I agree that we have a little time.
3 and 4 year olds are bonkers! But they're so funny!
I'm only on mobile because my laptop is out of commission. I wish i could message you! also, he just turned 4 two weeks ago. So, we're a young 4, going to KG not next year, but the year after.
I'm a little confused by your description of EI 33 delay. I'm gathering that EI is early intervention, but not following the timing and the "33". Maybe I'm tired.
I think this is where SIL disagrees with liams current teacher, pedi, and me. SIL thinks he would qualify for free EI preschool. But, she's barely seen him in the last 7 to 8 months. His current teacher and pediatrician think its not that bad. His pediatrician said one other reason he wasnt worried was bc he was talking to him and making eye contact. Typically its not an issue unless he's over stimulated within his environment.
Also, I've heard this doesn't matter, but he was an insanely early talker. Could count to 10 forwards and backwards before 2 and sing "old Mac Donald" and a few other kids songs also before 2. I didn't realize how unusual that was until I had 2.
There's a lot to think about. Also, is the free evaluation typically done at children's hosp?
I'm glad to see your MIL is similar to my SIL. Sometimes I feel like screaming, "can't kids be kids?! Do they need labels?!"
I can honestly say, she made me feel like crap today. She said things implying I was putting off and procrastinating help for Liam. Ultimately, we're his parents, and we are being proactive, maybe in a different way than she sees fit.
I would give it some more time. It sounds like you have a great grasp on the situation.
My nephews' pre-school teacher told my sister that she thought N should be evaluated. When sis talked to the doctor he completely disagreed, as did I. My sister was pushing it but I told her to just be a little more patient. N was in a class with students who were mostly older and more mature and I felt like that is why he was being called out. Just think, when they are younger a few months can make a huge difference. N started kindergarten this year and is a completely different kid. He has matured and socializes a lot more than he used to.
He would make certain faces and noises when he was uncomfortable, he would open his eyes wide but not focus during pictures, he had a very difficult time concentrating on any task and did several other questionable things but I felt like they were pretty typical. He also talked in baby voices and only wanted to play pretend with people. My sister changed his diet, researched some activities for him to do after school and signed him up for soccer.
Hang in there and go with your gut!
Olivia June BFP 12/26/10 EDD 09/01/11 Birthday 08/02/11
BFP 12/25/12 EDD 09/06/13 M/C, 01/02/13
BFP 01/28/13 EDD 10/08/13 STICK BABY!
"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12
I have absolutely no experience or professional background with this type of situation. But, simply, as a mother...I don't think I'd be jumping the gun to push for an evaluation. Just because he is a "little different" doesn't necessarily indicate that there is a problem. People (in general, not you!) are just so quick to want to label every situation, and I fear that your SIL's personal experiences may be distorting her perception of your son's situation. I would be especially hesitant to since you said she does not see him frequently; she is basing her opinion on a few isolated visits, versus a teacher and pediatrician who see him frequently.
It sounds to me like you are very tuned in to him, and I would just keep doing what you are doing, working with him on things like following direction etc., and see how things go over the next six months. If you are still concerned, you can always re-visit the idea of evaluation. Good luck, I'm sure this is a very tough decision for you to make.