Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

Make him work for it?? wwyd

mccall0113mccall0113 member
in Blended Families
XH and I have joint custody of DS11 and DD8.  DS attends day treatment (psychiatric).  XH never attends meeting/ appointments.  He doesn't call therapist to check in or provide any additional information.  Basically uninvolved parent.  He is not willing to be in the same room as myself.  It's report card time.  Do I send report card on next visitation so that he can see it, OR make him get his own copy if he's so inclined?  Honestly, I'm tired of being the good guy and providing him information when I think he should make more of an effort.  Probably being petty but needed to vent!
Trying to Conceive Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: Make him work for it?? wwyd

  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    Tell him that he needs to contact the school and provide an address so they can mail him a report card and an email address so their teachers can be in touch with him.

    You're not petty.  You're not his mom, and it's not your job to provide information to him that a grown adult can get for himself.  It's nice you have been doing it up until now, but tell him from now on he needs to bear the burden.  Schools are used to dealing with children with two households.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • ValeriamValeriam member
    Has he even asked?  If he hasn't even asked I wouldn't bother trying to inform him at all. I wouldn't even bother telling him report cards are out. He obviously doesn't care.  And if there are issues handle it your own way.  It doesn't seem like he would care anyway.  Sucks your kids have a dad like that.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • lookame3639lookame3639 member
    imageJA2008:
    Tell him that he needs to contact the school and provide an address so they can mail him a report card and an email address so their teachers can be in touch with him.You're not petty.nbsp; You're not his mom, and it's not your job to provide information to him that a grown adult can get for himself.nbsp; It's nice you have been doing it up until now, but tell him from now on he needs to bear the burden.nbsp; Schools are used to dealing with children with two households.


    I agree.
    IAmPregnant Ticker}
    Report Reply
  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    If he isn't making an effort, why should you?
    Report Reply
  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    If he asks, then give him the school's info. Let him know you'll tell the school that he will be contacting them to make arrangements for duplicate report cards. If he specifically asks for a copy immediately, go ahead and photo copy it, and highlight the school info on there.

    I know he isn't involved as it is annoying to do the legwork for him. DC is the same way. Make sure you have it documented that you provided him the school info so that if he ever tries to go to Court and claim that you're withholding info you can show that he has the contact info for the school and is not being proactive about getting report cards himself.
    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



    Report Reply
  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    What does to co say if anything at all? DH's says that BM is to make copies of anything the school sends home to her and send it to him.

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image 

    Report Reply
  • mccall0113mccall0113 member
    No, he hasn't asked.  He sees them maybe 11 hours a week.  He has his parents provide is half of the transportation.  Doesn't take them when they are sick.  Has made no effort to move from his buddy's bachelor pad so that he can have over nights.  He told the kids about the settlement I have to pay him.  I'm listed as "the ***" on his contact list.  So, when the kids call or text me from his phone, they see that.  I know I could have it much worse, but I just don't understand how someone can be so un-involved with their children.  The only thing he is good for is health insurance.
    Trying to Conceive Ticker
    Report Reply
  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    Our CO says that whoever receives the info from the school will provide it to the other parent.  We do, BM does not.  If we know a report card is going to her house DH makes arrangements to have one mailed to us.  He does so via e-mail so that he has record that she is not providing it and we are having to get it from the school.

    In your case my question is this.  Do you think your kids will someday appreciate that you sent the information to their dad?  In ten years when they have recognized that he sucks and makes no effort will they look at you and say, "But Mom always tried to include him, even though they didn't get along."  If you think the answer is yes, keep doing what you're doing.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
    Report Reply
  • kali55kali55 member

    imagemccall0113:
    No, he hasn't asked.  He sees them maybe 11 hours a week.  He has his parents provide is half of the transportation.  Doesn't take them when they are sick.  Has made no effort to move from his buddy's bachelor pad so that he can have over nights.  He told the kids about the settlement I have to pay him.  I'm listed as "the ***" on his contact list.  So, when the kids call or text me from his phone, they see that.  I know I could have it much worse, but I just don't understand how someone can be so un-involved with their children.  The only thing he is good for is health insurance.

    How toxic for your children and you. 

    IMO, I wouldn't do anything to help him out.  If he asks, I would direct him to the school where he can request his own copy of report cards.  DH and I have had to request our own in the past and it's not a big deal.



    BabyFruit Ticker
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"