Am I being a bad wife?

Lena122 · February 2013

Sorry if this gets lengthy, I just need an objective opinion...

H and I work in law enforcement and right now I'm on 12 hour rotating shifts and my hours are not negotiable. H has been temporarily transferred to the same schedule I'm on, but opposite. So when I work mids, he works days and vise versa. We have all the same days off.

He wants to transfer back to his old squad where he worked 4 10 hour shifts that were primarily evening shifts, like 5p to 3a, and every weekend. He likes the people he worked with on that shift better and he claims he was less bored although he was admittedly more stressed.

I want him to stay on the 12 hour rotation because daycare is very consistent with this schedule. Baby never has to stay very late and he doesn't have to stay overnight with anyone. If H goes back to the evening shift then baby will have to stay with grandparents 3 to 4 times a month when H and my shifts overlap. His schedule also changed last minute quite frequently which obviously creates daycare issues.

Am I being a bish for asking H to stay with the 12 hour shift? He's kind of acting like I'm the biggest nag because of this and that it's some huge sacrifice. I'm failing to see how working a schedule that is really good for our family is such a sacrifice but evidentally it is. I should add that I sacrificed when we were TTC and while I was pregnant by taking a light duty job that was very stressful for me.

Sorry for the rant. What do you guys think you'd do in my situation?

pinkshades05 · February 2013

If there is no change in pay then I support the schedule that is best for your family. Maybe there is another arrangement that will be good for DH later on but for now if this is what you and LO are better with then he needs to suck it up.

JessieJH · February 2013

This is a tough one.

Is he very unhappy with his current team and shift? Like to the point of majorly depressed?

Does one shift offer him better long term career opportunities? Would he be interested in letting you scale back your hours so that there is no overlap?

You're not being a bad wife, but it's hard to see if one person is right or wrong in this situation. Sorry to not be more helpful!

Jlobebe2012 · February 2013

This is a hard situation. I always try to be supportive with H's career choices, but I can see your perspective as well. The fact that you share days off is what would make this so tough for me personally.
Jessie made valid points about career advancement opportunities as well and his overall self satisfaction in his current role. Could it also be the 12 hour shifts? I worked 12s more like 1314s some days in the hospital and they were long hard days. I would try to reason with him and communicate. This is nothing you want to create resenenment over from either party.

Lena122 · February 2013

Money doesn't pay a role at all. We'd still make the same and daycare would still cost the same. He isn't miserable in the current position, he's just "bored" and he's not really friends with anyone on the shift. My view is that work is work and you're not there to make friends. I know not everyone views work that way, but when it comes to your family or your work friends I think the choice is obvious.

I wish I could scale back my hours so there'd be no overlap but it's not possible with my job. I appreciate all your input ladies. We'll have to really discuss and decide the pros and cons on each.

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