opinionated mother makes an emotional me!

thebabyA · February 2013

I told my family the same day i found out i was pregnant. Im six weeks along tomorrow. My dh really wants to tell his family (his family is a lot larger then mine with most of them being married). Well I told my mom that we were going to be telling them and she gave me such an attitude about it. Saying That it's to soon, and Im young and don't know anything cuz if i have a mc i will regret it! And that it just makes the pregnancy feel way longer if you tell sooner. So here I am back home with swollen red eyes...

It just bothers me that I have to argue w/her about it never mind having to argue w/my dh. I did want to wait a couple more weeks but dh really wants to tell his family. I just know once we tell them its out everywhere. A few of my friends know my sis bf found out(we accidently slipped) and pll have been asking (RUDE)

So any opinions?

traia · February 2013

I dont understand why she is mad that your going to tell his family, when you have already told her family. If you told his family first, i would understand. I think you should do what you want to do. Good luck!!!

michelle7482 · February 2013

It's easy for your mom to say that bc she already knows. We told all our family and some friends within one wk of our BFP. God forbid something happens, YH family will likely find out anyway. If YH wants to tell, them tell. You got to tell your fam so he should get to tell his.

ravenclaw1 · February 2013

I would have to tell her in the nicest way possible to shove it. This isn't her decision to make.

jdebaie · February 2013

ravenclaw1:
I would have to tell her in the nicest way possible to shove it. This isn't her decision to make.nbsp;

This.

SweetPeaK26 · February 2013

My honest opinion... it's just as much his baby and his news to share as it is yours. If he wants to share, like you did, he gets to.

1026pumpkin · February 2013

ravenclaw1:
I would have to tell her in the nicest way possible to shove it. This isn't her decision to make.

Major thumbs up to this! This is between you guys- not her decision to make. I would honestly minimize the amount of stuff you share with your mom to give her fewer opportunities to share her opinion. Start drawing boundaries now!

diablesse · February 2013

My mum was kinda like this, but not super pushy or mean about it. She was so concerned we would tell other people and then miscarry. My husband encouraged me to just agree with her, but then tell whoever I wanted anyway. In other words - tell a sweet little white lie. It worked like a charm for me and she never even brought up the subject again.

csspencer · February 2013

This

Kimbac13 · February 2013

First off, you do not have to argue with your mom at all. This is your/YH decision to make - you're an adult. Sure she can express her opinion, but that doesn't mean that you have to engage her in an argument about it.

As for DH, you do sort of have to come to terms with him. From his perspective it might seem unfair that you've already gotten to tell your family and friends and you're making him hold out on sharing the news with his. Can you compromise by telling his parents for now and then waiting a couple of weeks to tell his siblings?

Lastly, just remember, once you tell the news to anyone, you no longer control who knows it. You can't actually make someone keep quiet about it and that cat does not go back into the bag!

AarikaW44 · February 2013

We told everyone when we first out. We had been doing IVF and everyone kind of knew, so they were asking how it went. I feel like if, God Forbid, something were to happen, i would want the support of family and friends. Plus it would be hard for me to pretend that nothing had happened.

MJHershey · February 2013

Sounds like she just wants the secret all to herself.

And.. why does she get to push her opinion on this? It's not her decision.. it's yours and your DH. I certainly hope that she does not think she can call the shots in other areas of YOUR marriage!

LCass · February 2013

My mom is similar. She has discouraged us from telling anyone early with any of our pregnancies. That said, she understands and backs off when I tell her that we tell the few people (immediate family and closest friends) who we would (and did) turn to in the event of a miscarriage.

That said, if your mom is really being pushy about it then tell her next time you won't tell HER until first tri is over, since she doesn't think that the news should be shared early.

kat81again2 · February 2013

You should just decide with DH. It's unfortunate that you already told your family because that's probably part of the reason he wants to tell his (parity). Don't let your mom influence you.

I say tell some people in DH's family and tell them that you're early on so they are not to go blabbing about it until you say otherwise. They might still blab about it. But then it's on them to untell people if you have a mc. Which you honestly probably will not have. It's depressing how many we're seeing on the board these days but it seems like a lot because that's who will post -- women who are in a panic or sad, or women who are just going to say bye.

We told our families before we wanted to last time and now we're keeping it a secret longer. Last time we had to tell DH's brother because he was staying with us for two weeks right after we found out. I thought we should have stopped there but DH said we needed to tell their parents so BIL would not have to keep the secret from them. I knew my parents would be pissed if DH's parents were told and not them, so we told my parents. Then we threw in my sisters as well. But I was less than 6 weeks. And poor DH's mom reacted to say, "I can't wait to tell my friends at school" and I had to say "NOOO! not yet!" This time we're keeping it to ourselves until the 12 wk ultrasound.

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