Vent- annoyed at 400 dollar cash gift

Re: Vent- annoyed at 400 dollar cash gift

• Littlejen22 member

  January 2013

  That is insane, unless you make your kid pay for lunch out of allowance there is no way they need that much. They should be getting one weeks two tips if they are very responsible and it should be just more than enough for them to buy what they want to. And there is not much that I have found more insane than someone the The Nest/Bump that said they give their kid a years worth of money for clothes shopping and they have to budget it, that is money asking for trouble an. It found trouble, it is almost like BM was paying for his drugs while looking the other way.
  
  But now the big question is what everyone is going to do going forward and blaming her will make her dog in her heels and backfire on you guys so try not to even if hard.

  Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08

  Report0 Reply
• Loading the player...
• Ginlyn0 member

  January 2013

  I understand the frustration over $400 cash, but I'm not sure where you are going with the comment that $20 is too much lunch money per week for a kid with bad grades.

  My mom gave me $20 a week back when I was in high school. I put about $20 a week on DD's lunch account (she doesn't eat a lot and is in middle school) but she buys breakfast tray and tray lunches only. If she wanted anything different it would be much more than that. The offer salad bar, and various other options for more money. But since we are on a budget, she gets tray lunches.

  DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• mom2one member

  January 2013

  Kids with bad grades don't deserve lunch money?
  

  Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption

  Report0 Reply
• blush64 member

  January 2013

  gin9874:

  I understand the frustration over $400 cash, but I'm not sure where you are going with the comment that $20 is too much lunch money per week for a kid with bad grades.

  My mom gave me $20 a week back when I was in high school. I put about $20 a week on DD's lunch account (she doesn't eat a lot and is in middle school) but she buys breakfast tray and tray lunches only. If she wanted anything different it would be much more than that. The offer salad bar, and various other options for more money. But since we are on a budget, she gets tray lunches.

  Sorry, my comment didn't post and when I tried to edit it made another one.

   I wanted to say that I agree $20 isn't much per week. My oldest needs more than that to get lunch everyday and he's not a big eater.

  I wouldn't jump to blame a boy smoking drugs on his mother giving him too much money. It's easy to want to blame the other parent but you shouldn't.

  Report0 Reply
• Littlejen22 member

  January 2013

  I think she is complaining that instead of 20 for lunch BM is giving 50100 per week which to call that lunch money is funny because I doubt he is spending 1020 per lunch.
  
  But how wealthy is BM that she lives her kid up to 400 per month for lunch plus allowance I assume?
  
  

  Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08

  Report0 Reply
• Karma1969 member

  January 2013

  Kids with poor grades don't get to eat lunch?

   

   

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• simplaw215 member

  January 2013

  I mostly lurk but I'm totally confused by your situation now.  There seems to be a lot of talk about BM but I thought you posted in another post that he is with you guys during the school week and with BM during the weekends.  Obviously, his mother needs to be on board with you guys and there needs to be a collaborative effort to deal with this.  I am just confused though why there is not a little more introspection here.

  If BM is giving him money more money than you are comfortable with, I would suggest opening a bank account for him and depositing the surplus.  She has a right to give her son a gift of her choosing, but you and DH have a right to regulate SS's conduct when he is with you.

  

  Report0 Reply
• xmaryrickx member

  January 2013

  Karma1969:

  Kids with poor gradesnbsp;don't get to eat lunch?
  nbsp;
  nbsp;

  those that try drugs don't get haircuts either. It's a strange world we are living in.

  Report0 Reply
• xmaryrickx member

  January 2013

  simplaw215:

  I mostly lurk but I'm totally confused by your situation now.nbsp; There seems to be a lot of talk about BM but I thought you posted in another post that he is with you guys during the school week and with BM during the weekends.nbsp; Obviously, his mother needs to be on board with you guys and there needs to be a collaborative effort to deal with this.nbsp; I am just confused thoughnbsp;why there is notnbsp;a little more introspection here.
  If BM is giving him money more money than you are comfortable with,nbsp;I would suggest opening a bank account for him and depositing the surplus.nbsp; She has a right to give her son a gift of her choosing, but you and DHnbsp;have a right to regulate SS's conduct when he is with you.

  I don't think they have the right to take cash that the BM gave the kid and put it into a bank account. My SS BM does this to him and it is surely not helping their relationship at all. In fact it's making him extremely resentful and angry with her.

  Report0 Reply
• Littlejen22 member

  January 2013

  xmaryrickx:

  simplaw215:

  I mostly lurk but I'm totally confused by your situation now.nbsp; There seems to be a lot of talk about BM but I thought you posted in another post that he is with you guys during the school week and with BM during the weekends.nbsp; Obviously, his mother needs to be on board with you guys and there needs to be a collaborative effort to deal with this.nbsp; I am just confused thoughnbsp;why there is notnbsp;a little more introspection here.
  If BM is giving him money more money than you are comfortable with,nbsp;I would suggest opening a bank account for him and depositing the surplus.nbsp; She has a right to give her son a gift of her choosing, but you and DHnbsp;have a right to regulate SS's conduct when he is with you.

  I don't think they have the right to take cash that the BM gave the kid and put it into a bank account. My SS BM does this to him and it is surely not helping their relationship at all. In fact it's making him extremely resentful and angry with her.

  
  
  I don't know what the real answer is but a kid doing drugs being given up to 100 a week is a walking timebomb. They need to get him in counseling at the very least and in front of him they need to ask the counselor how to handle the money, I do not think it is unrwasonable to say that any money given to him until he is clean for X amount of time will be put into a bank account for him.
  
  As for how to deal with this now that I know he lives with her, either your DH parent him or you take your childten and move out. I am not saying that her DH parenting will resolve all if this but I can say with experience that I had zero tolerance of an almost adult living in my house and bringing drugs into my home when I had another child in the house, if my DH wanted to look the other way which he never did so it is hypothetical I would have found a way to move out, if it is my child when they are older I will have no tolerance, they will be cleaning up their act or they will have no access to money they can bring lunch and no social life, period.
  
  And until you find out a teen brought drugs into your house, you do not know how you would react. I know some people thought on here I was wring with how I dealt with things but there was a very limited time that I was willing to expose other children to the dangers involved with an out of control teen. And I 100 think that the kid she described is out of control.

  Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08

  Report0 Reply
• simplaw215 member

  January 2013

  xmaryrickx:

  simplaw215:

  I mostly lurk but I'm totally confused by your situation now.nbsp; There seems to be a lot of talk about BM but I thought you posted in another post that he is with you guys during the school week and with BM during the weekends.nbsp; Obviously, his mother needs to be on board with you guys and there needs to be a collaborative effort to deal with this.nbsp; I am just confused thoughnbsp;why there is notnbsp;a little more introspection here. If BM is giving him money more money than you are comfortable with,nbsp;I would suggest opening a bank account for him and depositing the surplus.nbsp; She has a right to give her son a gift of her choosing, but you and DHnbsp;have a right to regulate SS's conduct when he is with you.

  I don't think they have the right to take cash that the BM gave the kid and put it into a bank account. My SS BM does this to him and it is surely not helping their relationship at all. In fact it's making him extremely resentful and angry with her.

  Why don't they have the right to put it in a bank account for SS if they think that it is too much cash for him to have at once?  It's their home and if they think he is spending the money irresponsibly (i.e. buying drugs with it) I don't see why they can't set it aside for him until he proves that he can be more responsible.  I wouldn't suggest this ordinarily but I think in this case if there is a concern that he can buy drugs anywhere, they probably want to limit his direct access to cash.  It does not solve the underlying problem but it could help in the short-term.

  

  Report0 Reply
• +just+j+ member

  January 2013

  Let's get to the point here. The kids a pot head.  More than likely, the money is buying his pot.

  If my kid was caught doing what he was doing - I'd restrict the cash flow to him as well and either pay the school direct for his lunhes, make him pack his lunch, or get a job and earn his own money. He would be on serious restriction until I knew he could be trusted.

  As for gifts - I did this with SD too. I didn't give her money - I bought her practical things she needed that wouldn't be wasted. Some fun, nice things...but mostly practical. 

  "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval

  Report0 Reply
• Ginlyn0 member

  January 2013

  Okay, I just read something on the other thread saying your DH has full custody and she has EOWE. So why is BM providing his lunch money anyway? Are you also giving him lunch money or do you not provide for him when he is in your care? Is that what you were getting at with the lunch comment that you already pay for his lunch and now she gives him more money? I'm just trying to understand that comment especially now that I know he's in your care. I just don't see how grades correlate to eating....
  

  It sounds like your DH needs to step up and deal with his son. You can try to blame BM all you want but your DH is the primary caregiver. He needs to get SS into counseling and enforce things.
  

  DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Valeriam member

  February 2013

  Karma1969:

  Kids with poor grades don't get to eat lunch?

  He can pack a lunch.  I don't deny food to anyone. 

  

  Report0 Reply
• jcrising member

  February 2013

  Valeriam:

  Yes its Pot mom---

  Found out BM was handing the boy not just 20 bucks a week for lunch money but 50 even 100/wk!!! Was he eating at Red Lobster everyday? No!!! Plus she told us she gave him 400 dollars in cash for bday. Stupid.

  You want to give your child a shopping spree?  Take there butts to the store and purchase things yourself. You don't give a teen that much cash!!! Call me crazy but I feel you should monitor teens as much as possible. If you give a kid 400 bucks and see him come bk with 2 pairs of jeans and sweater--- ask where the rest went. And if he asks for lunch money--remind him of the whopping 400 dollars you handed him a couple weeks ago. 

  Of course I was always accused of overeacting, and being too strict. Well, look what turned and bit them in the ass.  I'm not saying not to give kids cash or lunch money but one can reasonable and logical about what a 15 yr old kids needs.  Sorry but a lazy kid who can't earn a damn C in class doesn't even deserve 20 bucks/wk. My girls better have 3.0 if they want that much lunch money or they pack their lunch.  Some people.

  ANd yes... my husband does follow these rules and standards with the girls but for some reason can't do it with the boy... or atleast can't follow fully and consistently with the boy. He better now.

  What is BM?

  
  

  

  
  

  Report0 Reply