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Bean moving, friends want to feel...(Long)

mistysmclaurymistysmclaury
in May 2013 Moms

Let me start this post by explaining that my husband has moved, due to his work, and lives a little over 2 hours drive from me.  I will be staying in our hometown until the baby is born, and then we will be moving to our apartment in the new town,  Bean has been moving a lot, and the past 2 1/2 weeks or so, I have been able to feel him move outside my belly, and even see my stomach jump when he kicks really hard.  Unfortunately, when I have seen DH on the weekends, Bean hasn't kicked for his daddy.  I know that is coming soon. 

 The problem is a friend of mine at work.  I'm not 100% comfortable with people touching my belly, but I am getting better about it now that I am showing.  My friend keeps wanting to put her hands on my belly and wait for Bean to kick her.  Ihave told her repeatedly over the past couple of months that I don't want anyone to feel Bean kick until his daddy does.  This may sound stupid, but I am a FTM and for some reason it's really important to me. 

At the hospital where I work, there are 2 other women who will see me, give me a quick hug and a quick belly rub, and it doesn't bother me at all.  They are saying hi to Bean, not trying to feel him kick.  My other friend has seen them do that twice this week and threw a borderline fit that they were touching my belly and she couldn't.  I told her again, I don't want anyone to put their hands on me to feel the baby kick until DH does.  I wouldn't care if she gave me the quick tummy pat or rub that the other girls do, but she INSISTS on leaving her hands there and just waiting for movement.  

How do I (politely) make her understand that I see a really big difference between a hello pat or rub, and waiting to feel the baby kick or move?  I do understand that she is excited and may think I am unreasonable, but I am really set on DH feeling Bean first.  TIA!

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Re: Bean moving, friends want to feel...(Long)

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    JCRSMD17JCRSMD17 member
    Clearly tell her you don't mind BRIEF bump touching but that waiting for movement is off limits. It is something special between you, your husband and your child. No negotiations or equivocations.
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    LadyDelilahLadyDelilah member
    imagePetraStonegirl:

    "I told you that you could rub my belly, but not leave your hands on to try and feel a kick until my husband has been able to experience it first. Now that you are pitching a fit, you are no longer welcome to touch my belly."

    If you even feel the need to explain yourself. Frankly, you are under no obligation to allow anyone to touch you, for any reason. 

    Petra FTW again. Really couldnt have said it better.

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    trevinosnmtrevinosnm member
    I understand your POV.  It's an experience you want to share only between DH and yourself.  My DH has similar feelings when it comes to holding any baby.  He has adamantly refused to hold anyone else's baby because he wants the first time to be his child.  A few years ago one of his good friends was totally offended when we went to visit them after he had his daughter, even after he explained his reason why he didn't want to hold her.  People are never going to see eye to eye on what someone believes in.  Like someone else mentioned, just plainly tell her what the difference is to you and since she can't seem to understand your POV she has lost the privilege all together.  Either way she is going to be offended with your decision.
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    mistysmclaurymistysmclaury
    Thanks, girls.  I was really starting to be afraid I was being absolutely unreasonable.  Fingers crossed that THIS weekend DH can feel Bean move.  It is actually like DH has a calming effect on Bean- he can be kicking around and I'll tell DH, DH will put his hands on tummy, and Bean just relaxes.  It would be really funny if not for the fact that it is keeping DH from experiencing that. Tongue Tied
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    trevinosnmtrevinosnm member

    imagemistysmclaury:
    Thanks, girls.  I was really starting to be afraid I was being absolutely unreasonable.  Fingers crossed that THIS weekend DH can feel Bean move.  It is actually like DH has a calming effect on Bean- he can be kicking around and I'll tell DH, DH will put his hands on tummy, and Bean just relaxes.  It would be really funny if not for the fact that it is keeping DH from experiencing that. Tongue Tied

    I've heard others say to drink a cold glass of water and then lay on your side.  Try that and see if that helps any to get your bean moving.

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    LolalipsyLolalipsy member
    imagePetraStonegirl:
    "I told you that you could rub my belly, but not leave your hands on to try and feel a kick until my husband has been able to experience it first. Now that you are pitching a fit, you are no longer welcome to touch my belly."If you even feel the need to explain yourself. Frankly, you are under no obligation to allow anyone to touch you, for any reason.nbsp;


    This. I would explain myself again simply because she's a friend.



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    single_mama1991single_mama1991 member
    imagePetraStonegirl:
    "I told you that you could rub my belly, but not leave your hands on to try and feel a kick until my husband has been able to experience it first. Now that you are pitching a fit, you are no longer welcome to touch my belly."If you even feel the need to explain yourself. Frankly, you are under no obligation to allow anyone to touch you, for any reason.nbsp;

    This. Lol
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    klibby707klibby707 member
    You aren't being unreasonable. I wanted DH to be the first both times, and he has been. Totally makes sense.
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    CRLSMC2011CRLSMC2011
    You could also tell her it is awkward and unprofessional for her to just stand there with her hands all over you.  It's one thing to say hello, it's another thing to just stand there touching you. 
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    SandiaPinaMamaSandiaPinaMama member
    Even after DH felt LO, btw, I totally get what you're saying, I don't want people to be feeling me up all the time.

    I guess my FFFC is that I lied for weeks after I started feeling him to avood this touching business.

    BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
    BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
    BFP#3 "Pineapple"  born 4/2013
    BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16
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