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Infertility
Crystal120410
member
End of the Road
Crystal120410
member
in Infertility
Today was a horrible day and my appointment went about as bad as it can go. I knew he was going to cancel me, Im flooding a river. But the problem is, whats next? When we spoke this morning he obvioulsy didnt have my lab work yet. HIs thoughts were maybe my estrogen dropped out and he needs to find another way to get estrogen to me. It was 812 last week and 784 today, so nope thats not it. He also thought maybe I ovulated (which he didnt think happened) and my progesterone was high which will make you slough your lining. Nope he was right I didnt ovulate my progesterone was <0.2 today. He did biopsys last month with the hysteroscopy so he knows theres not any kind of infection and also no structural problems. He is going to have me take 2 weeks of Doxy to treat for a uncommon infection, I think he said microplasma or something. There is no indication that I have it but at this point he is throwing the book at me. He is also going to try nuepagen when we start the next cycle. Its a experimental procedure where they put this nuepagen fluid into your uterus, it flows out and magicaly your supposed to grow a better lining and not have fluid. Once again Im willing to try anything at this point. The last chance effort to do a FET is to give me low dose gonadotropin injections. Some of his colleagues believes that the only way to get a lining to thicken is by stimulating the ovaries since they share a blood supply to the uterus. He doesnt really agree with this theory but hes willing to try it. Lastly, we can do a fresh IVF cycle but that wasnt perfect either. I had fluid in my uterus between ER and ET and it ended in miscarriage. So we have to think the reason we lost it was because of lining issues. And thats where we meet the end of the road. If these last few efforts fail then thats that and I will never carry a child of my own. He talked about using a surrogate today, thats when the water works really started. Im so sick of crying in front of these people. Anyways, Im not sure how I feel about using one. I have a couple people very close to me that have previously offered and would meet the criteria to be one. I just dont know if Im ok with being so cheated out of being able to feel my child grow inside of me and have that bond. It also doesnt help that DH isnt really down with using a surrogate. Something about it just creeps him out. So I was texting him on the way home from the drs office and he said well if its not meant to be then its just not meant to be. We will just have really nice toys. So I then ask him, so you mean if this doesnt work then thats it? Thats when he told me he's not really into that sort of thing but following that he said we would have to discuss it and come to a compromise. So the door to that route isnt completly shut but its not wide open either. I dont even know how I really feel about it at this point. We will cross that bridge when we get to it. When I asked my RE if we were headed towards surrogacy after he said one of my options was also to use another uterus, he said your just a few steps from it. So I will be on provera, estrace and doxy for the next rwo weeks then call when AF shows up. I guess from there we start over.
So there you go, Im on the last chapter of this novel and I am petrified. I am so heartbroken, lost, cheated, scared, angry, you name it Im feeling it. I think Im going to intro over next door to IFV. I know they are having a coming to Jesus meeting over there about new rules for joining but hopefully I will be welcomed. And if not thats ok too, the bump and I will just have to go our seperate ways. I am still rooting for everyone over here but there is just way to much happy happy happy happening on this board for me to stay and not want to slit my wrists. I will check in on you ladies from time to time but its just to hard to stay at this point. It will be very difficult to walk away from this board since it has been my rock for quite a while now. But for my own sanity and probably the sake of my marriage I need a break. I truly wish every single one of yall the very best of luck.
Lastly Im not sure whos over the sock exchange but please take me off the list and redirect the girls that were giving and receiving from me. I apologize for the inconvenience.
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Re: End of the Road
3 Clomid IUIs -- BFNs
IVF #1 never made it to transfer
On "egg health" cocktail DHEA/CoQ10/FRC/Pregnitude/Melatonin
Starting IVF #2 for Feb 2013
Follistim/Menopur/Ganirelix
Cancelled mid-cycle due to high P4 levels early on.
OCPs again for IVF 2.5 mid-March. IVF 2.5 transferred two "gorgeous" 5-day blasts and BFFN. Even REI is baffled
On indefinite hold until a huge stroke of serendipity led me to IVF 3 May 2014
Testing found positive cardiolipins/APS, now on lovenox and intralipid infusions
Transfer of 2 5-day blasts and (FINALLY) BFFP!! 1st ultrasound shows two sacs and two HB, but one is sluggish, almost expecting vanishing twin Subsequent ultrasound confirmed vanishing twin, but my other Little critter looks fantastic!
"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."
-- Margaret Thatcher
Dx PCOS @ 16y.o
9/2011: unplanned natural conception and MC @ 6weeks Cycle 1: 12/2012: TI & 2000MG Metformin & 100MG Clomid = CP
Functional Cyst - fixed with 2wks BCP
Cycle 2: 1/31/13: IUI #1
Meds:2000MG Metformin, 100MG Clomid, HSG/Trigger, Provera 400mg 2DPIUI
Stats: SA 20mil & 63% mot/follicles (as per 1/30 u/s): 22, 13, 14
BFP! Beta #1 13DPiui: 79! Beta #2 15DPiui: 164! Beta#3 19DPIUI: 773! First US scheduled 3/5! EDD Oct 23!
S/PAIF Welcome - You girls give me HOPE!
Herbal Supplements: 1800mg NAC, Fish Oil, Vitamin D, Baby Asprin, Folguard, Multivitamin
First mini-IVF Sept 2011... Only 1 egg! ... BFN
Switching RE
IVF#2 May 2012 9 eggs and only 2 sperm, WTH!
BFN
Switching RE's within practice
*~God gives his hardest battles to his toughest solders. Unknown.
***signature & ticker warning***
Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!
Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers
Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
Stopped BCP 4/2010.
Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013 ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt) Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.
If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!
m/c #2 missed m/c discovered 12/11/08 @ 8w3d :: d&c 12/15/08
Feb 2009-began seeing an RE:: DX with unexplained IF
Sept 2009 -2010 TTC using femara ...eventually work called me out of town.
June 2011 DX with thyroid cancer-forced to put baby making on hold
11/15/12 IUI #1 BFN and 12/15/12 IUI #2 BFN
Feb 2013 IVF-BFN:: April 2013 FET-Cancelled:: July 2013 FET-1 frostie
Aug 2011 - SA reveals no sperm
Jan 2012 - biopsy, b/w = Sertoli-only syndrome, DH doesn't make the cells needed to make sperm, moving on to DS
IUI# 1 - 4/1/12 - BFN
IUI# 2 - 5/4/12 - BFN
IUI# 3 w/ Clomid - 6/4/12 - BFN
IUI# 4 w/ Clomid, new donor - 7/5/12 - BFN
IUI# 5 w/ Clomid & trigger shot/Novarel - 8/3/12 - BFN
~Cycle Off~
IVF# 1 - 19 eggs retrieved, 18 fertilized, 8 frosties. 5-day transfer. Beta #1 - 11/20/12 - BFN
FET# 1 - 1/23/13 - BFP - beta 2/4/13 - 266, beta 2 - 623, beta 3 - 1452
Due 10/10/13 - It's a Boy!
You, Me and Someone Else - updated 5/24/13 - 20 week update
I am so sorry! I can't imagine what you must be going through. Just take some time and keep your lines of communication open with DH.
HUGS!!
Oh Crystal big hugs! I'm so sorry that things are going this way for you. I wish you the best of luck as you move forward and make very difficult decisions.
I also removed you from the sock exchange, so no worries there!
TTC #1 since February 2011
C/P 5W3D
Betas 8/30 (108) and 9/3 (565)
Me: 29 (3/5/13- high NK cells) DH: 28 (5/8/12- MFI low morph and motility)
Cycle #21 (IUI#1), Cycle #22 (HSG 9/21/12) and Cycle #23 (IUI#2)=
Cycle #24- December Snow Bunny IVF #1
ER 12/6/12 (14R, 11M, 9F), ET 12/9/12 transferred 2 day 3 embies
Bleeding and low betas=very cautious
Cycle #26 March Lucky Duck- FET #1
scheduled 3/20/13- CANCELLED- lining issues
Cycle #27 May Emerald- FET #1.2
delayed- Starting Trental for 3 months + natural cycles Cycle #28-30=
Cycle #31 August Shooting Star- FET #1.3
transferred 1 hatching blast 8/21/13=
U/S 9/19/13- HR is 128! U/S #2 10/4/13- HR is 174!
It's a BOY!
All Welcome
Me: 29 DH: 30
IF DX Endo Stage III/IV SA: PERFECT!
7/16/2011 Married handsome hubby!
9/2012 Lap/Hystercopy DX w/ Stage III endo
Bilaterial Uterine Suspension/D&C/HSG
HCG/D&D on R/L ovaries/chromaltubation/Uterine Polyp
10/2012 RE consult. DX move straight to IVF
IVF #1 11/27/2012
IVF #1 Cancelled for Low Response and Converted to IUI #1 --- BFN
IVF #1.2 BCP 12/29 Stims 1/21 w/ New Protocol - Antongonist (225 Menopur, 150 Follistim, & Ganirelix)
ER 2/2/13 11R,9M,8F -- ET 2/7/13 2 Beautiful Perfect Blasts/5 made it Freeze! -- 2/12/12 +HPT -- 2/14/13 Beta #1 71 -- 2/18/2013 Beta #2 521 YAY! Let this be our take home baby!
4/21/13 Massive Hemorrhage from unDX placenta previa. Bed Rest for 7 months.
10/17/13 Gave Birth to our 8lb 2oz baby boy!
8/30/15 Started Meds for FET schedule on 10/13/15
10/13/15 TX two great blasts. Beta scheduled for 10/22/15
Me (34)- no issues found MH (36)- MFI due to Vericocele. Straight to IVF w/ICSI 9/12, Antagonist. 9R, 7M, 5F = BFN c/p, New RE for IVF #2- 1/13., Long Lupron. ER on 1/22 -10R, 9M, 9F. Transfer on hold due to overstimming. FET in Feb. 2 frozen blasts. Another BFN & another c/p. RPL testing all negative besides MTHFR gene, vericocle repair surgery 4/12/13-Bilateral Grade 3 Vericocele found & fixed, IVF #3 with PGS 4/13- 11R, 9M, 9F. Transferred 2 normal=BFN, 3 normal on ice. CCRM-here we come! ODWU-All test results normal. EPP in August. 21R, 20M, 19F. 12 blasts biopsied & frozen for CCS testing. Results showed 11 normal! FET Oct. 30. 2 5d 4AA blasts transferred. First ever BFP!!! Beta 1=216, Beta 2=870 1st U/S=It's TWINS!!! It's a BOY and a GIRL!! Everyone Welcome!!!
June- Femara 7.5mg + Trigger + IUI = BFN August- Lap & Hysteroscopy = Blocked & Partially Blocked Tubes
September- Femara 5mg = CX - No Response on Left = BFN October- 100mg Clomid + Trigger + TI = BFN
IVF # 1: Stims 11/30 ER 12/12/12! (10R, 10M, 8F, 2T, 6 F) :: Beta #1- 176 c/p @ 4w4d
FET #1 February 26th :: Lost 4 to Thaw, Transferred 2 = BFFN
IVF # 2 Stims 5/10 ER 5/21 (15R, 13M, 13F, 2T, 7F- 6d3 & 1d5) :: Beta # 1- 15 c/p @ 4w
FET #2.2 Scheduled for September 20th
2 Thawed, 2 Transferred! Beta #1- 96, Beta #2 906! :: EDD June 10th
2015- 2 failed FET. We are done
SURPRISE! BFP 8/8/16 EDD 4/1/17
I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I really hope they are able to come up with some solution for you. It must be frustrating to not have any answers about WHY this keeps happening.
Take some time to think about all your options. You don't have to decide right away.
I haven't been on the board very long but I know you are one of the most helpful and supportive women on here and you will be missed, but if you need a break from TB I know everyone will understand that.
*hugs*
BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice
Gosh I am so sorry! I think that you and DH will come to an agreement together as to what is the next chapter. Fingers and toes crossed for you and praying not only for you and your hubby- but for your doctor as well.
Ditto!!! Good luck I truly hope everything will work out for you! You have been a great support system over here for us and I will miss you!!!!
Me- 32, DH- 32- TTC for 4 Years
IUIs 1-6 BFN
IVF #1= BFP- M/C
FET- Beta#1: 69, #2: 482, #3: 1088, #4: 28,318, Ultrasound- 1 beautiful heartbeat
It's a boy!
************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries are just for decoration
12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.
2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.
6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d.
11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522 Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373
6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!
Snowflake baby is a girl!
Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!
My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
If I get a vote, you're welcome on IFV.
This just really, really sucks. I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for your DH and I wish there were something I could say or do to make you feel better! I'm thinking of you ...
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, beta #3 3/4: 268 told to stop meds and let nature take its course. requested 4th beta (3/6); Beta hell for 2 months.
Married June 2011 Dx: anovulatory due to prolactinoma (1.5cmx 1.5cm in 2006)
April 2012: MRI- questionable cyst 8mg by 12mm in pituitary ; referred to RE by Ob-gyn after amenorrhea x 4+ months, provera ineffective, low estrogen level
cycle 1: May 2012, clomid 50mg; cycle cancelled, thin lining, no response
cycle 2: June 2012, femara 5mg; cycle cancelled, no response
cycle 3: July 2012, femara 7.5mg; cycle cancelled (largest folli on Cd12 & cd 16: 11, lining 4)
Repeat MRI July 25,2012- Cyst unchanged, likely old infarction.
Aug. 8: met with RE, move to injectables if HSG and SA normal
Aug. 23: HSG all clear; DH- perfect
Switched to a new RE in early Sept. IVF here we come
Genetic testing reveals: Fragile X- Intermediate risk/grey zone.
IVF#1: ER 11/30: 14 retrieved, 10 mature, 7 fertilized. E2 prior to trigger 5200. Decision made to freeze 6 embryos and transfer later due to OHSS.
IVF#1.2/FET #1: estrogen injects start 1/18, FET delayed to try to thicken lining. lining 5.4mm. FET- 2/18- transferred one 3AA expanded blast. BFP 5dp5dt. Beta #1- 2/27 9dp5dt- 102.27 beta #2 3/1: 147
FET # 2: endometrial scratch 5/6, added estrace vaginally and ASA to delestrogen and PIO. June 10- transferred one 4AA hatched embryo, BFP 4dp6dt, Beta 1 (9dp6dt) 187, Beta 2 (11dp6dt): 412; Beta 3 (15dp6dt ): 4452. U/S #1- one beautiful embryo with a heartbeat of 133 at 7 weeks. 8 weeks: heartbeat 156. EDD 2/26/2014: born 2-3-14 induced due to Pre-E and HELLP at 36w5d.
12/1: met with RE to discuss trying for #2