I've heard that you're welcoming!

overwhelmed29 · January 2013

hello all! I have heard that you're very welcoming to straight couples as well. I really could use some advice.I am not new at TTC; however, I am overwhelmed with the amount of time it is taking.
My husband and I started TTC in November 2011. I am 28 and he is 34. I used OPKs at first and we "tried" to get the timing right. Unfortunately, I think my husband has a medical condition that he has yet to seek help for because I help him cover it up. My husband rarely can finish inside of me. Instead, i've given him the option of doing it himself into a baggie or an instead cup because that is the only way that he can get off ( sorry, tmi). I either then use a syringe to insert the sperm or just insert the cup itself.
My question is, do you think that this could be affecting my chances? I've tried to talk to him about his issue but he's very sensitive about it and YES he wants a baby even worse than i do. he says his issue is physiological. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid to try fertility treatment because it's my last hope. I have seen a holistic dr and am taking supplements, I eat pretty much an organic diet and i'm healthy. I've gone back to using a clear blue easy fertilty monitor. I had an hsg done and he had his sperm tested and all was well. I could really just use advice as to whether or not this can harm my chances.

Manada · January 2013

ooh boy.

Okay - I can't answer your sperm/husband questions, because ours comes frozen.

But I CAN tell you what I've learned from the LGBT fertility world....

- you can have him ejaculate into a CLEAN, dry, glass container (or a plastic cup - the kind they give you at the Dr's office works well) - suck it up with a syringe and squirt it into your vagina/onto your cervix. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PUT IT IN OR THROUGH the cervix -- unwashed semen is not supposed to go directly into the uterus and it will cause you super cramping and possibly a horrible infection.

- you can also use an instead cup to help keep the semen close to your cervix once its inside you. Look for lube that is fertility-friendly because many lubes will kill sperm pretty quickly.

* This process is essentially an at-home ICI (intra-cervical insemination -- even though you don't actually go through the cervix!)

The book Taking Charge of your Fertility may be really helpful to you in timing your attempts with regards to ovulation and OPK's. The Essential Guide to Lesbian Pregnancy and Birth may help as well -- they have lots of tips for people using fresh sperm.

GL

overwhelmed29 · January 2013

Thank you for the help! I know, it sounds so weird but my husband is slowly starting to realize that he needs to seek help.

I used a syringe to insert the sperm a few times. he would ejaculate in a baggie and I would suck it out and insert it as close to my cervix as possible. I did that about 4 times and then i went to using the instead cups and just inserting them with the sperm in them. I'm not sure if it gets the sperm close enough to where it needs to go.

only1leia · January 2013

Sounds like you are doing things right. For us, we used fresh sperm (basically the same as you and your husband) and we had him ejaculate into an instead cup then inserted the cup right away (well, as soon as we got it). We did use pre-seed lubricant, and timed ovulation cycles. We didn't do the OPK, just used an app that tracked periods/fertility and that worked for us. I have heard that if you use a syringe it has to be completely dry, and some of the sperm may die when you inject it, so go slowly. Good luck!

trisholio · January 2013

We are a welcoming and supportive group, so welcome.

My wife and I are new at TTC, but we are doing it the same way you and your husband are using. We have a known donor and use fresh sperm as opposed to frozen. So the donor deposits into a sterile cup (they can be ordered thru your Dr or found at some medical supply stores). Then use a sterile needless syringe to insert the sperm. You could also contact a RE or OBGYN and have them do an IUI which is where the Dr would do this process in the office and use a catheter to insert the sperm.

I don't want anyone to struggle having kids, but it is a little comforting to know that straight people have struggles also, and are using similar methods as we use. I hope that comes across right :-) Best of luck to you and your husband making that baby!!

hlke · January 2013

I'm sorry you and DH are having trouble trying to conceive. You are not the first person to ask this question on this board, so you are not alone!

Your technique sounds right. It doesn't work for everyone. We've done 7 at home inseminations and still no baby. However, here's some information I've picked up along the way:

1. Timing is very important. Because you are using fresh sperm, you have a little more of a window, so try to optimize the timing. Our instructions are once every 24 hours from the day before we think we'll get a positive OPK. Yes, that involves guessing and makes you a little crazy.

2. This advice is a little different if your husband's counts were on the low side in his SA. Then the advice would be to do one insemination on the day you get the positive OPK after 3 to 5 days of abstinence for him, and then another insemination 24 hours later.

3. If the CBE Fertility Monitor works for you, it makes #1 and #2 much easier! It doesn't work for my wife.

4. Have you confirmed you are ovulating through temping/charting and/or bloodwork? You definitely need to confirm you are ovulatory. The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is amazing for this.

5. I would suggest you get a speculum and use it to look at your own cervix. You can read more about this here: https://www.goodvibes.com/content.jhtml?id=speculum-vaginal-self-examination You can learn about your cervical position and get a better idea of where to position the syringe when you insert it.

I'm not sure how long you guys have been trying using this method, but if you really don't want to pursue further fertility treatment, once you've confirmed you are ovulating, you could give it a full 12 cycles. But after that, you should move on to seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. Starting fertility treatment isn't the end of the line - there are a lot of options to help you get pregnant.

hlke · January 2013

Just wanted to add that the OPKs along can't confirm ovulation - you can have a surge without actually releasing an egg. But if your periods are regular, you are most likely ovulating.

overwhelmed29 · January 2013

Thank you all for your advice, it honestly is helpful to learn and to also hear people that are going through what I am. It's a definite struggle and can be exhausting!

I have not done temps to see if I am ovulating, yet. I did have my progesterone level checked on day 21 and it was good - I think that's a good sign and my cycles range from28 days to 32 days. I do get bad cramps which is a concern because of endometriosis.

i also have tried to just insert the cups but I don't feel as if that works. I even try to do a handstand to get the sperm out of the cup! --- Oh the things we do to get pregnant! I wish you all the best of luck and thank you for not thinking that I am weird!

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