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Two Under 2
Lose lose situation. Help!
in Two Under 2
I have DS1 who is almost 20 months and DS2 who is 8 weeks old. DS2 always cries when he is not held. I have tried the swing, rock and play, bassinet, car seat, vibrating seat,lullabies, singing, white noise, swaddling,and nothing works. I have to co sleep because of this. He also has reflux and has failed Zantac and is in his first week trying Prilosec. I tried gripe water and gas drops. I just started probiotics. I baby wear to get stuff done but the times that I can't wear him is when I feel like I'm having problems. My husband works 14 hour days so I'm responsible for everything from day to night. When I bathe DS1 and put him to bed, I can't hold DS2 and he is crying non stop. Because DS2 is so demanding I can't give DS1 enough attention and he acting out by whining and screaming all the time. I feel like I'm drowning in the crying and am slowly losing my mind. Does anybody have any suggestions, or do I just have to wait it out until DS2 gets over this needing to be held stage? Sorry so long.
Thanks in advance!
Thanks in advance!
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Re: Lose lose situation. Help!
I am right there with you. My DD has basically cried all day today since I was getting the big kids ready for pre-school, changing my clothes, cleaning off the snowy car, driving the big kids to school and going back to pick them up. I want to shower now, but this is the first time all day that she is happy and being held!
And I am so sick of the crying that my patience is wearing thin. Poor DS and DD#1!!
This is tough love, but Let him cry for a bit. Put him in a safe place and walk away. Turn up some music so you can try not to hear the crying. Or sing songs to forget about it for a few minutes.
My 4th had terrible colick. Screamed for the first 4 months. But the kids and I just had to carry on. Of course, I wanted to cry too, but sometimes you can just will yourself to act like Happy Mommy and it might start to get easier. Sometimes my kids would put their hands over their ears and laugh about it. He was suuuuch a screamer!
It'll pass. Good luck to you! I'm sure you're doing great!
Your son is still so young. Honestly I'd hold him as much as you can. Wear him for the things you can do while wearing. Sometimes he will just have to cry.
It sucks, and it's frustrating, but it will eventually pass. I know it's super hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.
My oldest was the same way. I did some things that are no-nos to get some reprieve from the crying. I propped a bottle in the swing or carseat with her so I could pee or do dishes without hearing the crying. It would get me a few minutes.
Do you have anyone that can come over to hold the baby sometimes?
mine are 21 mos apart. The first few months, we had an outing almost every day that was focused on my first, and was somewhere she was engaged enough not to notice that I was always holding/nursing the baby. These included story time, the indoor playground, tumbling time, children's museum. Once a week we go to our bread bakery and share a muffin for snack time (they also have a play area).
So, if you can do easy things that seem special to your first, it might help with the guilt you're feeling. My second didn't cry tremendously, but sometimes I just couldn't get to him. Obviously, I wanted him peaceful, but sometimes he'd have to be in a safe place (swing, bouncy, etc) while I tended to my older one and would cry. It's hard to hear but you only have 2 hands.
This is what I did, too. My 2nd wasn't much of a crier so I had it a bit easier, but there were certainly times where I had to leave her in the swing, bouncer, carseat, etc. to cry while I attended to her sister. She survived just fine.
Hang in there! I know it's rough from the beginning but it will get easier. This too shall pass!
My DS had severe reflux and a milk/soy/protein intolerance. He was in Zantac and Nexium. It was a rough road eating the right med combination. He cried for like 3 months straight. It was pure h3ll. The swing was our best friend. He literally loved in his swing for the 1st 5 months of his life because whenever I wasn't holding him he was screaming. I got a swing that plugged into the wall and it was amazing!
Unfortunately my DS did have to cry sometimes because I felt like I wasn't giving my DD any attention at all. It was a rough time. I'd say 4 months was our turnaround and it finally got better, by 6 months we were home free. Now at 16 months my DS is perfectly fine and content. I'd say wait it out. Try to console your DS2 as much as possible and let him cry sometimes if you have to deal with your DS1. I don't believe in tough love at your DS's age though.