I have everything I have ever wanted. I have an amazing husband, a gorgeous daughter who is everything I ever wanted and more. And yet, at 6 months, I feel like we are still in survival mode. I feel like I am barely making it. I enjoy every minute I spend with E. But I still cry most nights in the shower because I'm just so tired, and I constantly worry that I'm not doing it right. I am stressed all the time. As much as I want another LO (or several more!) and my doctor suggested sooner is better than later, the thought of another one right now terrifies the crap out of me. Even the littlest things still seem so hard. Like trying to get out of the house to get a pedicure is a monumental task. There's no way I could handle pregnancy and another LO right now. So what gives? Should it be easier by now? Am I just terrible at this? Am I not cut out to have more than one? Or is this normal?
Sorry to be so whiny on a hump day morning. But MH and I had a very serious talk last night, and now I'm doubting myself. I thought I was doing okay, but he's not sure if my feelings are normal are not. How do you know? What is normal?
Re: Wille's secret got me thinking...
TTC since 2005
missed miscarriage nov 2006- 4 failed clomid cycles-
3 failed femara iui cycles-
moving on to IVF oct 2011
ER nov. 7th
tansfered 2 blasts on 11/10
lots of +hpt!!
beta #1 on 11/21= 50.4
beta #2 on11/23= 90.8
another miscarriage 12/23
moving on to Round 2 of IVF with an auto immune dx
ER 4/23-retrieved 12 eggs
ET 4/28 3 transfered
Beta #1- 356
Beta #2- 870
I think that it is normal to not want to have another baby when you're only 6 months out of having one. However, I don't know if crying in the shower every night is normal either. I know that living on little sleep and being stressed is normal at this stage, but I do think that you might want to talk to someone about crying every night. Have you been crying every day for a while? Perhaps it isn't PPD, but more like PP anxiety (ie, not doing things right, constantly worrying, etc). You might be crying not because you're sad or depressed, but because you are overwhelmed.
For me, I knew that I had PP anxiety when I would worry about things that weren't rational. I hate to use that word, but I think that helped me identify it. When I would worry about things that were irrational and would keep me up at night, I realized that I needed help. Granted, I also had all the drama (which didn't help), but I went on Zoloft for about 4-5 months and it really helped me "reset". I was on it from June through the end of October.
Either way, we're here to support you and help you!
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN
I'm sorry you feel like you're struggling.
I'm similar to Willie in that I love choas and need to be busy all of the time so I would welcome another baby with open arms right now even though both of my kids are under 2! Not everyone is like that and that's okay.
I do agree with DrRx though. If you feel like your feelings are getting out of control maybe it would be better to talk to someone about it. I had HORRIBLE anxiety after having DS - I worried about the kids getting hurt all of the time. I would literally have panic attacks that I would have to talk myself out of before getting into the car with them, etc. I felt awful until I stopped breastfeeding and my hormones got back to my "normal." Looking back I wish I would have talked to someone about it instead of suffering for 6 + months the way that I did.
Hang in there momma. You're doing just fine.
I agree with a lot of this. I had PPA and it helped to talk to someone. I also took Lexapro for awhile. At the very least you might want to talk to a professional. Hang in there mama. You are not alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
beta #2 11/28 = 2055
Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
I agree with the PPs that seeking help for the crying would be good for you. I've never had anxiety, but when pg with DS2 I was very stressed and hormonal and made DH go to couple's counseling with me. (And now that I think about it, I made my parents go to counseling with me when I was pg with DS1. I had some unresolved issues from growing up with a special needs sister and the pg hormones and the worry about what would happen with her interactions with my baby, my parents etc. ) Anyway, I think that having someone to talk to is very, very beneficial.
The other thing to keep in mind is that you are working full time. I don't cry in the shower, but when my kids were 6 mo. old there was no where I needed to be at any time. Didn't matter when I showed up at the grocery store, so my stress level was greatly reduced. I think I would be a not so great mom, and not as patient, if I had to get everyone up and dressed and out the door in the morning and get to two different places at certain times. That is a monumental effort in my opinion, and I say God bless all the working moms who can pull that off everyday and live to tell.
Also, take what your dr is saying with a grain of salt. Deep down I feel like all REs have a little bit of the used car salesman in them. Of course he will encourage you to come back asap, then he'll get money from you sooner! Know what you are capable of. I knew I would be no good as a 2u2 mom. I'd frankly prefer a 3 yr spacing between kids, but felt pressured this last time since I'm AMA. Don't feel rushed to go back for treatment sooner than your heart is ready.