Vent-share your Family/IL vent this week

countrywed · January 2013

I am sharing a Family (well In-law) vent. Share your too if it helps to get it out!

Dh's uncle died last Friday. We haven't seen him in 4? years. DH is going to support his mom, I am going because if were my uncle, I would expect DH to go. Oldest BIL who also hasn't made the 6 hour drive North to visit us or his mom in the last 4 year is not coming. . . sad when a son won't visit his own mother.

So DH's cousin who lives near us and we also haven't seen in years calls last night after 10. First she sounds quite and weapy, but DH can barely hear as we have bad phone service near our bed and thought it was a service call. When he asks who this is when he can hear she yells at him "how many other Tammy's do you know?" Then goes back to weapy sounding that she needs a ride because she just refuses to drive herself. We planned to leave tonight for the 4 hour drive but where she wants to stay the night is an extra 45mins. I ask DH if he thinks we could just have someone meet her at our stop and he says NO! that she will lie about someone coming to get her and we will have to drive her anyways. Sounds like an awesome person to ride with.

So now after getting 3/4 ready last night with house cleaning for the maid and packing we are not leaving tonight because of above cousin. DH would rather not add an 1 1/2 to our drive time or pay for a hotel closer to the funeral instead of our friends house at 11 at night. I hate adjusting plans for stupid stuff.

ljsmom11 · January 2013

It sucks to have added stress in a time of loss. I hope the trip isn't too bad for you!

After last weeks drama with the il's I just haven't had the energy to go visit them. Dh took Lj over there Sunday while I napped. I have no interest in entertaining them. We had planned to go eat with them tomorrow night for dh's birthday but I've planned a surprise for dh instead. He has a meeting anyway and we will just be rushed if we did go out to dinner. Mil text me awhile ago and asked if we wanted to go tonight and I made a point to let her know that my dad is helping dh get some logs up. My mom and dad have always been awesome to both of us.

Now I'm dreading going to bil/f-sils Engagement/ Housewarming party on Saturday. It won't be pretty between il's and f-sils family...it's so bad that I'm embarrassed that I have their last name.

NativeFloridian · January 2013

Warning: Loooong Vent!

Let me preface my vent by saying that I'm glad my parents are here and willing to help me through my rough patch and I'm grateful they've taken me and the kids in until we get back on our feet.

However. I hate how lazy they are around the house. Mom tries to tell me they don't make messes, it's all me and the kids, and that I should be used to cleaning up the kids' messes. But it's not true. I do clean up the kids' messes. But the kids and I aren't the only ones filling the sink with dishes, tracking dirt onto the tile floor, and filling the garbage can.

Things that happen on a daily basis are as follows: I usually cook dinner, sometimes breakfast. If I don't clean up after I cook, nobody will. I've done experiments to see how long leftover pots of food will remain on the stove if I don't clean them. The answer is days. I must also do the dishes or they'll sit in the sink until my step-dad gets aggravated and does them "for me". (I often let this happen because I don't see why the dishes are MY job when we ALL eat off of them.)

I must also go grocery shopping if there is to be any substantial amount of food in the house at all, much less healthy food. My parents ordered in or ate out a LOT after us kids left, and they never got out of the habit. Plus, they dislike going to the store - it takes too much time and energy to shop properly. They also sometimes put off shopping because they'd rather spend the money elsewhere. I don't make enough money at this point to pay my measly bills and keep gas in the car AND grocery shop (I'm trying but I'm kind of in limbo until after baby), so the kids and I rely on them for food. It aggravates the HELL out of me that they'll spend money on insignificant sh!t before they'll put proper food in the house. And it's not as if I'm sitting here with the kids, mouths ajar saying, "Feed us! We're freeloaders!" No, I meal plan and offer to do all the food budgeting and shopping for them, AND I'll even cook. But it's like pulling teeth to get them to cooperate most of the time.

Also, taking out the trash has always been my step-dad's job, since we moved in with him when we were tiny kids. Always. It is HIS job because the layout of our property means hefting heavy garbage bags across a very large yard to the outside cans - he's the best one for it. That's just how it's always been. He never does it until the trash is overflowing from the can. That, or he will smash the trash down so that the bag disappears under the top layer of trash. Eight of ten times I'll have to pick the top layer of trash out with my hands and put it in a new bag and the wrest the old bag out of the can, usually resulting in a torn bag and more handling of garbage with my hands. Then I'll tie up the bags and put a new one in the can, and wait...and wait, and wait to see when my step-dad will take the old bags to the outside cans. He usually needs to be asked at least twice.

But no, I have to hear on a constant basis about how me and the kids are such big mess-makers and could I please make sure the house is clean? Yet while I'm trying to do exactly that, and trying to keep things organized, and trying to cook, and trying to maintain a meal plan and behavior chart and figure out when I can reasonably work, I hear, "Naaaative! Native, get Mischa! She's getting into things!" "Native, can you please spend time with your daughter?" (That one really gets on my nerves.)

It's not as bad since the severity of my sciatica was actually addressed by my doctor and since they've started testing me to see why I'm so bone-tired all the time. I think they finally understand how hard it is for me to do all the housekeeping. Truly, it's not as if I'm not trying, I know I owe them for helping me. But honestly. I don't think it's THAT hard or unreasonable for them to get off of their arses and actually HELP once in a while, or at least take care of themselves. It's like they suddenly don't feel responsible for their own messes and their own meals and such now that I'm around - apparently now I'm supposed to do it all, or else there's something for them to complain about. And heaven forbid I should need them to keep an eye on the kids for me while I'm working around the house (or just working). it's like torture to them, especially when they must watch DD2.

/vent

countrywed · January 2013

That sounds bad, Just stick back and try to stay out of the drama! Give DD extra attention while there. Make an exit plan with DH if he will go for that.

carig63 · January 2013

My MIL called Monday night (for the first time since Christmas) to ask to "borrow" ( use the quotes because it never gets paid back--ever) money, because their electric bill was going to be shut off today if they didn't pay it. We were pre-payday and didn't have any to give. Since we didn't have any money to give, she hung up. Gee, nice talking to you lady!