Selfish... WWYD? (kind of long and venti)

laxkal23 · January 2013

Ok so we have a dog and a cat (both well behaved social animals) and have always brought them with us when we travelled to the ILs. Well recently they acquired a small dog knowing that he may have issues with other animals and he does. When we were last there he lunged at and attempted to bite our dog. They assured us when they got the dog that when we visited they would have a neighbor look after it but today when we called to confirm our trip this weekend they said the dog would be staying. I know they have every right to get a dog if they want but it makes me not want to visit them. I'm so mad they did as this means now that we cant bring our cat and that our dog will have to be gated separate from the main part of the house. I am so pissed because now we have to find someone to come watch the cat (he is very social and I would feel so guilty leaving him for a whole weekend), plus our dog will be segregated at their house and the 2 dogs will just sit and bark at each other all day. Now we are considering not going, but the ils invited the whole family over to meet CJ for the first time, so I would feel mega guilty. WWYD? Am I just being selfish and should just suck it up?

SheilaE · January 2013

Yeah, you are being selfish. Why should their dog go somewhere else when you visit them? Look I love my animals, but if I knew their pet had issues I would make arrangements for my animals. Their house, their pet over rules my pet. Sometimes animals that have issues don't do well with change.

How far away do they live? Are you there just for a couple of days? The cat can survive a couple days if you make sure there is enough food and water left out, or have a neighbor or friend stop in once a day. If you take your dog make sure you make time for it. When we have visited family that don't allow pets in the house I made sure I spent time with them in the garage and outside.

But if you need to say, "we have to cancel because we didn't make arrangements for our animals" that's up to you.

iggywan · January 2013

Sigh, dogs that dont get along can be sooo stressful, I totally get it. But, sometimes they learn to get along!

I say, leave the cat at home, take the dog. Let the dogs sort it out. They will.

Your ILs family would be so sad not to meet CJ. He is so cute!

teresamartini11 · January 2013

I would refuse to go, but I would take any excuse to get out of seeing my in-laws. Confused

I don't think you are being selfish, because they told you the dog would be somewhere else when you originally made plans.

kittenmitton · January 2013

I don't think you're being selfish at all. Your pets are a part of your family and you need to look out for them. If you were told that your IL's dog was going to be elsewhere during your visit and now they have changed their minds, it's your prerogative to cancel the visit. I guess you should be prepared for some angry/disappointed ILs, but you also have a responsibility to do what you feel is best to keep your pets happy and safe.

laxkal23 · January 2013

The problem is they live 4 hours away. It costs us 60$ in gas just to get there, kenneling the dog for 40 and having someone check on the cat for another 10 is just not something we can afford to do unfortunately. Not to mention the fact that they sprang this on us last minute, as we were under the impression they had made arrangements. I know the cat will be fine and that we were always spoiled to be able to travel with the whole family, but this just adds a stress that will make it even more difficult than it already is to see the ils.

katigox · January 2013

I don't think you're being selfish - especially if they implied other arrangements, and then changed it last minute (or maybe the neighbor had to cancel on them the last minute??).

Anyways, I'd say suck it up for the family gathering, so they can see your son, and then explain (at another time, not when you're there) that financially you just can't afford to keep visiting if you'd have to board your pets as well, and that you are concerned with how the dogs get along . . . maybe they can suggest something for the dogs - and if anything, maybe they'll cut you some slack on coming all the time if it's a money issue (or so they think).

Besides, traveling can take a toll on a baby (trust me I know - we see family every week too, and are in the car for two hours . . . and thinking of changing this bc DS seems to be a bit cranky by the end of it).

If anything, just communicate, communicate, communicate, and just when you think you've talked it out enough: talk it out some more. Eventually you'll get to a compromise (if anything a fair trade off where neither party is 100% happy, but each party being 50% happy is better, than one building resentment at the other). Good luck!

BarooGirl · January 2013

kiraliz2:

It sucks that they changed their minds about the dog being there, but its their house and their family. We have to board our dogs when we go out of town and its something we knew we would have to do when we brought them into our family. Its part of dog ownership. I would say suck it up this time and put the dog in a kennel in the future.

Definitely go though. Its not worth the damage it might do to your relationship with your H's family.

All this.

Your cat will be just fine. Set out 2 heaping bowls of food and lots of water. No one would really need to check on it unless you just wanted someone to.

10Nessie · January 2013

kiraliz2:
It sucks that they changed their minds about the dog being there, but its their house and their family. We have to board our dogs when we go out of town and its something we knew we would have to do when we brought them into our family. Its part of dog ownership. I would say suck it up this time and put the dog in a kennel in the future.
Definitely go though. Its not worth the damage it might do to your relationship with your H's family.

Exactly this.

LovinLife0710 · January 2013

I love my cat, but when it comes to visiting family I find a sitter. I may check in with said sitter every other day to see how my kitty is doing, but in the end I need to see my family, especially since Asa has arrived. Just get a good sitter that will spend time with kitty if you are really worried about it. As long as they are well cared for while you are gone then you have nothing to worry about. A week after you get back the cat will have forgotten that you even left it for a couple days I promise.

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Selfish... WWYD? (kind of long and venti)

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