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June 2011 Moms
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Boy vs. Girl (other people's concern??) kinda long

ishka338ishka338
in June 2011 Moms

We are going team green again and apparently it's killing some people to not know the sex of our unborn baby.  Last night my in-laws had a small shower for us and they do this thing where they tape a spoon to one chair and a fork to the other, for the mom and dad to-be.  Whichever chair the mom picks is supposed to tell the sex of the baby.  I picked a spoon, which means girl, and everyone freaked out with excitement.

Everyone has been commenting about how exciting it will be to have one of each, like that is the "perfect" family and having 2 of any sex is just "weird."  I feel like this is kind of a kick to the gut, because wether they believe it or not, I will love having either sex.  MH and I truly will be happy with a healthy baby.  Then there's my SIL & BIL who are due in May with a girl, so people say "it will be so nice for them to have eachother", nevermind DS1 will be the only boy on that side then.  My dad said something today too about if this is a girl, I can't wait to start buying her dresses and pink camo outfits, and he makes M the center of attention every time he's around, so I don't know, it just rubbed me the wrong way the way he said it.  Anyway, some of the comments and the look on my MIL's face made me feel like if this baby is a boy that he won't be loved like if he was a she, AND...like M isn't good enough for them.  I think the ones that bug me the most are my MIL and my dad.

I don't know what it really is, but I just feel myself getting really defensive about it and not sure how to feel.  I feel like people are ruining a magical moment for us and that sucks!  Boy or girl, I know MH & I will love this baby as much as he or she deserves to be loved and if other people can't accept them for whats between their legs, then I guess it'll be their loss.  Maybe I'm totally over thinking this or am totally emotional right now, but it's been bugging me for a little while now and I had to get it out, so thanks ladies!

Did any of you deal with this?  Did it bother you this much and if yes, how did you deal with it?

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Re: Boy vs. Girl (other people's concern??) kinda long

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    dannie2011dannie2011 member

    I'm sorry you are having to deal with that, I had something similar with my first 2. I never found out the sex of the my first 4 I thought it was a blast to guess and see who was right.  The problem was my sister was also pregnant and my sister inlaw. Well we had a lot of comparing going on and I always felt my first two in this case came last. I had boys and they both had girls so I got it on both sides. After a bit it faded and then got comments on how nice it was to have to boys so close in age they really love each other and they always have a buddy.

    So complain/vent and then enjoy, hopefully all will settle down with you dad and


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    OctoberCAPAOctoberCAPA member
    I have b/g twins, and there are an amazing number of people, usually complete strangers, who tell me I "lucked out" and can be "done."  I did luck out - I have two healthy, beautiful children.  There really is a notion that a "perfect" family is one with a boy and a girl.  I really do think that it's just a notion though - people will always find something to say, and I expect the parents/in-laws just aren't thinking - or they're thinking about the baby in the abstract rather than as the actual person he or she is going to be.  You, of course, are thinking of your child from a much more personal, non-generalized perspective!  I'm sure once the baby is here, they won't make any regrets if the baby isn't the "preferred" sex - and if they do I wouldn't blame you for replying in a chilly manner!  
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    MammaBear81MammaBear81 member

    I'm really sorry you are going through this, we went through it MANY times.  When we were pregnant with #2 we found out we were having a boy, rather than "congrats" we were met with, "Are you planning another? Maybe you will get your girl then"... While yes, we were planning more children, we were happy with a healthy baby, either way.

    Next with #3 we found out we were having a girl, again, rather than "congrats" it was "great, now you have your girl, you can complete your family now".... as if it was another boy we would be obligated to have another? Or now that we have one of each it is a sin to extend our family any further.

    Needless to say, we honestly stopped announcing pregnancies after that!

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    mrs mosbymrs mosby member
    I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. We found out at our a/s that 2 was another girl. DH and I were thrilled. I loved the idea that they both would be girls since they are so close in age. As soon as we told people we got "o so you have to have 3 kids now. Gotta try for that boy." Or they would ask my Dh if he was disappointed it wasn't a boy. It really upset him.
    I'm sure once the baby is here everyone will be so smitten with him/her that it won't matter. It just sucks having to deal with it right now.
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    ishka338ishka338

    Thanks ladies!  I'm trying really hard to not let this consume me for these last few weeks, or worse, the first few days of LO #2's life.

     

     

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    MommaG123MommaG123 member

    I'm sorry you're going through it too!  I know how you feel.

    We're team green this time (we found out with DD) and no one can seem to believe us or wait until we find out.  Everyone is like "you're killing us by making us wait" etc.  

    We also get the everyone saying they hope this one is a boy and they bet we hope this one is a boy etc.  I just try and ignore it all and figure it's just part of the crap people say.   

      
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