My Inferiority Complex
NativeFloridian
member
Today is just one of those days where I feel completely and utterly inadequate in every sphere.
I don't miss my ex, let me just start with that. Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm comparing my life now to that makes my time with him seem better. Life really wasn't much better when we were together - we never had money because he couldn't be bothered to save any, we were usually either at our outside of our means. Sometimes I was too weary of trying to counterbalance him and just gave in to the spending (I felt most guilty about those times). And I don't miss the way he was always itching to leave the house to hang out with friends as soon as he thought the kids and I were settled and didn't need him for the rest of the night. I don't miss competing with video games and then having him turn around and b!tch at me for my computer time. I don't miss always having a bottle of liquor in the freezer, even if he didn't have a shot every night. I don't miss always having to ask his mom for money. As far as treatment goes, he never mistreated me, but it was clear over time that he'd only been pandering to my ideas for sweet domesticity, and that facade slowly crumbled over time too.
It's just that things seem so much worse now. I'm asking myself, why didn't I ever get a job in IT? (The field was saturated, I did apply, I never got hired. My knowledge is now obsolete. They don't make much in my city anyway.) Why didn't I go back to school and get a degree before getting pregnant again? (My student loans went into default when I couldn't get an IT job and therefore couldn't pay them. I still can't. Still in default. Can't get financial aid to go back to school with.) Why did I try being a stay-at-home mom? (I thought I could count on him.) Why did I get pregnant again? (Same answer as the last.)
But most especially - how could I have been so stupid all this time? Now look at me. Just look at me. 25 with two kids and another on the way, and with what to show for it? I'm living with my parents and make very little money. My college education is useless. There are no jobs that will pay enough to counteract daycare costs once Baby Boy is here. Just look at my stupid life. And still, I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess I just can't hold it in anymore. If you made it through that, have a glass of wine. Two, actually - one for me.
That's all.
// I love you too. //
Re: My Inferiority Complex
We are listening. We are here.
I wish there weren't miles and miles between us. I'd take your kids on the cheap, cheap for you to get your @$$ back on the road to where ever it is you want to be.
Do you know what you want in life? Do you know what kind of timeline you need to accomplish these things? How can you set yourself up for success?
We are all capable of such amazing things in our lives. There really isn't anything standing in our way but ourselves.
Logistically it's going to be hard, but you can totally get your *** in whatever shape you want it to be in. DO IT!! You are totally worth it, and so are your kids.
I believe in you!!
Well, as of now it's mostly a vague inclination - I want a nice home (not necessarily large, but nice), a proper vehicle for my family, and enough money to go around (bills paid, gas in the tank, food in the cabinets, toss a bit at the nest egg, and still have enough to take the kids to the zoo).
If it were a perfect world, I could be there in two to three years. That is, get into the 2-year Ultrasound Tech program I really want to do, get it done, and get a job in the field. In my world, who knows when I can drag myself out of default to get back into school in the first place. I barely scrape enough together to pay my MetroPCS bill and put gas in the car. Then there's finding someone to watch the kids while I study (I already have trouble finding someone to help when I'm working). I'm honestly not sure how or when the ever-living hell I'm going to make this happen.
I keep thinking, "I need help, I really need help." But every time I really need people they always have a reason they can't. Or won't. Or really dislike doing so, and don't beat around the bush letting me know.
ETA: If I sound like I'm shutting down your optimism, I'm totally not. I welcome and appreciate any kind of ideas you can toss my way, and I definitely appreciate the positive vibes. I'm just sharing my reality.
// I love you too. //
Just wondering if you get child support yet or if that isn't settled yet. Personally I would find a layer to get good support from ex. How often does he have the girls or is he still pretending he doesn't have responibilties.
Also have you looked into any government programs yet? Those programs are made for people like you!
Maybe you were hiding from the truth for a little bit, but at the same time you were trying to make things work. I would and so would others do the same thing.
I get it. I don't feel like you're shutting me down. I think that your idea is great, and if that's what you want out of life, you set yourself up as much as you can now while you're barely getting by. Make the best decisions you can, try as best you can, and you wait it out. Put yourself in the best position possible so that when the kids finally get into school you can start doing what you want to make your life like your vision.
You'll have work time, you can study with the kids. You can put them to bed and study more. You can do this. It's just going to take time.
Or, you could marry for money... there's always that!
::gives NF a creepy internet hug::
Aw man, I am so sorry you're having one of those days. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason - it's just that sometimes, it takes a while for us to see what that reason is.
Just keep your head up Mama. You may not feel like it, but you have much to be proud of.
He gives me a bit at every paycheck. Think $80-120 every two weeks. I got a lawyer at the start of all this, when he was being a real d!ck and I felt like I needed to protect myself. At this point we're friendly (even if I think he's still being totally irresponsible with his time and money) so I don't feel as threatened, but I do still retain my lawyer. We have mediation to settle our custody and child support in 10 days, so we'll see what child support ends up being. I really have no say in the amount, they base it off of a slew of percentages and other factors.
DD1 isn't his, but he sees DD2 probably once a week, sometimes for an overnight and sometimes for just a few hours one day. The parenting plan will most likely call for 3 days for him and 4 for me, but parenting plans are extremely flexible and things will likely remain as they are as far as frequency of visits.
I'm on Medicaid for the medically needy (because I'm pregnant) and collect EBT (food stamps) but they didn't approve me for much at all - there's no way I could feed us all for a month on what they've allotted for me, it works out to something like $45/wk. It makes me wonder why people stay on these programs indefinitely - I'm beyond anxious to get to a place where I don't rely on them anymore.
And, thanks for the understanding words. It's true that I was hiding from the truth, but I did so think things would turn out better.
// I love you too. //
LOL, sometimes I seriously consider it, and then I'm like, "I'm not that kind of person!" Hahaha. But seriously, though, it would be awesome if it just so happened that Mr. Right was also Mr. Moneybags.
// I love you too. //
// I love you too. //
I?m also a single mom in my mid-20s, so I understand a lot of what you?re going through. It?s hard not to create a fantasy vision of ?what things coulda/shoulda/woulda been,? but the more time we spend in that world the more difficult it is to appreciate what we do have in the real world, as tired & trite as that sounds.
That said, not all people have a knack for technology, and if you?re talented and interested in the field there are plenty of high demand and lucrative options ? set your talents and abilities to work for you! Can you job-shadow or volunteer in the imaging department at any of your local medical institutions? Not only to get a sense of what the average workday is like but also to chat with employed professionals about how they arrived there, programs they would recommend, if they know of any employer partnerships with local schools, etc. Also I?d do some research into labor unions and look into any apprenticeship/training programs they might offer since this would be paid OJT after you?ve paid your dues, which might be a cheaper route toward licensure but I imagine this will vary by region and profession.
Regarding the student loans ? you might be ineligible for federal student aid, but does that make you ineligible for private scholarships such as ones administered through the university? It may be worthwhile looking into smaller private schools that can offer need-based scholarships that larger public institutions can?t ? even if their overall program costs are higher, don?t overlook the opportunity to get them to pay for your schooling!
@J&K -- any tips on this marrying for money thing? Websites to try, countries to visit, professional conventions to crash?
// I love you too. //
There're a lot of great tips packed in there, gy. Thank you, sincerely! I'll definitely see what's available in my area.
// I love you too. //
I was going to put some motivational quotes, but decided that was too cheesy.
We are here for you. You're on the right path. You're going to make it, you have a goal, a dream. It might take time and patience but you can do this.
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I am so sorry things seem at a loss right now. It wont feel that way forever, I promise. You have your kids and they will always know you are the best mom they could ever ask for. Do your best to keep your head up and know that we are always here for you.
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))