need some support

nawlinsgrl · January 2013

I posted over on PAIF and am apparently so uninteresting that aside from the OOP meds post, mine are the only unanswered posts over there right now. Talk about adding insult to injury. Crying

Anyway, here are the links to my posts, in order. Sorry they are kinda long, it's just been one of those days. Extra good karma to those who read it all, and even more for those who show me some love and support.

#1

#2

TJ1979 · January 2013

First of all, I'm sorry you're having to deal with that B co-worker being KU at the same time as you again. That's pure bad luck. Secondly, if it were me, I wouldn't post anything on FB. (Granted, I do not even have a FB account, it is just not my thing, I am a very private person, so take my advice with a grain of salt.) In my opinion, posting it will just make everyone hyper aware of it. Those who weren't wondering before, will be now. And those who were wondering before, will believe that you just confirmed it. Plus they get the satisfaction of knowing you posted it bc of them, which would annoy the crap out of me.

wille2b · January 2013

First of all ((BIG HUGS)). I am sorry that you are dealing with a co-worker like that, Im sure that isnt easy, especially with a few extra hormones, lol. As far as FB goes, I would caution against posting it. I understand completely and it makes perfect sense to feel that way but you will just make people more nosey and irritating! There are always going to be people in your life who think its their business what is going on in your uterus. I say take a step back from FB maybe and just try to ignore other people. Give yourself some time to get used to everything and in a few weeks maybe share how youre feeling in a lighter fashion. take it easy on yourself. I would hate for you to say something to people and then have their response hurt you more. good luck honey!

lovebug33 · January 2013

Hugs! I hope al of this gets better soon!

nawlinsgrl · January 2013

Very good points. When I get pushed to far, my first response is to say eff it, and go off on everyone, but I can see that's the wrong way to go. The irony is that I really do want to announce it, I just want my genetics testing results back first. I hate that I was outed before I was ready last time, and so I'm extra sensitive that it might happen again.

The co-worker works with 2 friends of ours outside of work, so there's that added issue, and part of the reason we told our personal friends sooner than anticipated. This woman doesn't understand the chain reaction she causes. Not only do my co-workers find out, but so do my personal friends.

DH stopped by my office after class earlier (he attends grad school where I work), and he acted like he couldn't care less and didn't appear to get it at all, so I guess the FB thing would have been to get back at him a bit too. He's usually pretty good about humoring me if he thinks I'm overreacting, but didn't really say or do anything to help, just kind of sat there until I was done.

Ugh...thanks for the support ladies, it does help to talk to those who get it. I just have one more dilemma, which is we are having everyone over to the house over Mardi Gras, when I'll be 12w2d (we live a block and a half from the parade route), and I don't know how to diplomatically address the inevitable questions, especially since I'm already kinda showing. Do I just ignore it, or say something funny, and if they push, shut them down? I'm a terrible liar, and don't want to be a biatch, but then again, they should know to let it go too, let alone not to bring it up. Of course if a baby bump was staring me in the face, I'd probably ask if I didn't know any better.

Saraevh · January 2013

Your co-worker needs to take a hike. And as far as people asking you if you're pregnant again - nothing annoys me more than that either! People have already started hassling me about a third (even my annoying ass MIL who knows her son is practically sterile and that we have had a hard time conceiving in the past) hassles me about giving her more grandchildren. Last time she said something to me I told her, "What you see is what you get ... go hassle one of your other three children for more grandkids." SO ANNOYING! I don't blame you for wanting to tell people off - maybe just don't do it over FB, but rather to their face next time someone asks you about it

RoseHQ12 · January 2013

I am sorry you are going through a rough time with your co-worker, family, friends etc. I am a very private person & if it were me I would have to pull her aside & remind her that my family planning is private & I would like to keep it that way. I think very few people, who have not gone through IF, have little understanding or empathy & don't really see the hurt they cause with the statements they make. Your emotional skin is burned & it's like when someone makes these comments they slap you right on there so your reactions are intense & filled with pain. I hope your tests go well & your LO is healthy & hopefully when you know the results you will be able to enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy, hard as that is to do. Hugs to you & hang in there.

nawlinsgrl · January 2013

RoseHQ12:
I am sorry you are going through a rough time with your co-worker, family, friends etc. I am a very private person & if it were me I would have to pull her aside & remind her that my family planning is private & I would like to keep it that way. I think very few people, who have not gone through IF, have little understanding or empathy & don't really see the hurt they cause with the statements they make. Your emotional skin is burned & it's like when someone makes these comments they slap you right on there so your reactions are intense & filled with pain. I hope your tests go well & your LO is healthy & hopefully when you know the results you will be able to enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy, hard as that is to do. Hugs to you & hang in there.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks for putting it so eloquently. I was thinking, the next time CW says something, I will stop her and as politely as possible explain in general times, why it's an issue, since this is the second time I'm going through this. Even though it will be the last, since #2 is it for us, I still think it's a lesson she could benefit from.

As for closer friends and family, I just told DH, if they ask, my new answer is that the contents of my uterus are not up for discussion. I told him I kind of want to wear a form fitting maternity shirt at our party and dare people to ask, but I won't go that far. I will, however, plan to use that line, and then if people get offended, educate them. My friends are used to my sarcastic sense of humor, so they won't be so much offended as surprised.

e74 · January 2013

I'm so sorry that your co worker is being so noisy. It really is none of her business ( hugs). I really like your comment of the contents of your uterus not being up for discussion-- that's a good one! Hang in there!

Mrs.AmyDylan · January 2013

I'm late to the post, but I did want to show support and send you some hugs.

First, I hate FB. I have one, but it bugs me. I never announced my pregnancy. It took me three weeks to post something about having a baby. It was FB announcements that made me cry buckets during IF that my ute was empty.

Second, I hate work drama. I'm so glad I haven't had a real job in four years (I love owning my own business). I'm that person that didn't do photos in my cube or any personal stuff. If we work together, but don't hang out IRL, don't ask about my ute.

Sorry, I'm pissy from lack of sleep, but reading your posts makes me crabby for you. However, you do have to hold back the can of whoop-azz because you don't need everyone gossiping about the crazy pregnant lady.

nawlinsgrl · January 2013

You're totally right and we're the same way. I never announced my first pregnancy on FB, although I might do it this time, haven't decided yet. Whatever I do about announcing in general, I want the ability to do it on my terms, and that's what has me so hot about this situation.

I don't have any personal stuff in my office either (people have mentioned it, but I don't care), other than a screen saver of DD. I'm here to work, not display items of my personal life. I really like you're point about if we don't hang out outside work, don't ask me about my ute. It's so true, I don't know why people think it's ok, and get offended if you don't want to discuss it.

I've already hurt one other co-worker's feelings, because after about the 5th time of randomly asking if I was pregnant again yet (I wasn't until the last time she asked), I finally snapped and told her to quit asking me. I then calmed down and told her that while I understood she meant well and all, that it's a personal topic and I wasn't comfortable with her constantly asking, and that I would tell her when I had something to tell. I can tell her feelings were hurt a bit, but why should I have to suffer when people are inappropriate in the first place?

In fact, I plan to go have a heart-to-heart with the latest offender this morning. I'm going to put it all out there (not the part about being pregnant), and explain why I was really hurt by what happened during my last pregnancy and that if I get pregnant again while she is this time, I don't want to feel like I have to avoid her or that I will start acting passively aggressive like I did last time. I want her to understand why her comments are hurtful so she hopefully doesn't do it again to me or anyone else. I swear, I think it's like when she's pregnant she feels like she can say whatever she wants!

Worst case scenario, it'll make things worse, and she'll blab about this to everyone, making more people put on their ute-watching glasses, but frankly, at this point, I'm so close (I just want about 3 more weeks), I figure I've got nothing to lose.

RoseHQ12 · January 2013

nawlinsgrl:

You're totally right and we're the same way. I never announced my first pregnancy on FB, although I might do it this time, haven't decided yet. Whatever I do about announcing in general, I want the ability to do it on my terms, and that's what has me so hot about this situation.

I don't have any personal stuff in my office either (people have mentioned it, but I don't care), other than a screen saver of DD. I'm here to work, not display items of my personal life. I really like you're point about if we don't hang out outside work, don't ask me about my ute. It's so true, I don't know why people think it's ok, and get offended if you don't want to discuss it.

I've already hurt one other co-worker's feelings, because after about the 5th time of randomly asking if I was pregnant again yet (I wasn't until the last time she asked), I finally snapped and told her to quit asking me. I then calmed down and told her that while I understood she meant well and all, that it's a personal topic and I wasn't comfortable with her constantly asking, and that I would tell her when I had something to tell. I can tell her feelings were hurt a bit, but why should I have to suffer when people are inappropriate in the first place?

In fact, I plan to go have a heart-to-heart with the latest offender this morning. I'm going to put it all out there (not the part about being pregnant), and explain why I was really hurt by what happened during my last pregnancy and that if I get pregnant again while she is this time, I don't want to feel like I have to avoid her or that I will start acting passively aggressive like I did last time. I want her to understand why her comments are hurtful so she hopefully doesn't do it again to me or anyone else. I swear, I think it's like when she's pregnant she feels like she can say whatever she wants!

Worst case scenario, it'll make things worse, and she'll blab about this to everyone, making more people put on their ute-watching glasses, but frankly, at this point, I'm so close (I just want about 3 more weeks), I figure I've got nothing to lose.

I just wanted to wish you luck this morning, I hope YOU get what you need from the conversation, from my experience don't expect too much, just don't want you to be disappointed if you don't get the reaction you are hoping for. That said, I do think it is important to communicate your feelings to her so she can learn to respect your boundaries. GL!

nawlinsgrl · January 2013

Thanks, Rose. I am totally prepared for the worst, as I mentioned. I just feel like I am tired of "hiding" from people, literally and figuratively, when it comes to this stuff. I shouldn't have to suck it up and take these comments, well-meaning or not. Ideally, I'd like her to feel educated at the end, but at the very least, I'll feel better having gotten it off my chest, and if she does it again, I won't feel bad being snarky or confrontational from now on.

Like I said, worst case scenario is she'll blab about it, thinking I was being irrational or something, and everyone will be keeping their eyes on me for my bump (which is kind of visible if looking for it). If people I am not close with at work (which is most of them, because I generally keep to myself) push the envelope and ask questions, I'm totally going to shut them down, politely but firmly:

"Are you pregnant?"

"Excuse me?" (look shocked/offended)

"I heard you why trying again, and I was curious if you were pregnant yet."

"I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable discussing the contents of my uterus with someone I barely know, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask about it again."

I am bold enough to say this, I just have to be prepared at any moment, otherwise I sit there like a fool trying to come up with an answer. Stick out tongue

need some support

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