Was listening to a podcast this morning on a totally unrelated topic and a question kind of like this was posed:
If you could go back in time and tell the you (of when you started TTC) how your journey would go up to this point...
Would the you of then want to know?
What would the you of then think of your journey?
Would the you of then have started to TTC?
Re: Philosophical Tuesday Question! Everyone can play.
I was just talking about this the other day with DH!
If the "then me" knew what we would endure, she would have been institutionalized!! There is no way I would want her to know as it would have been way too overbearing. You'd be amazed at what you can get through when it is in stages but it would have been too overwhelming/ depressing all at once. I don't think I would have continued had I known.
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
I agree. BUT... but... for me, if this journey ends with a child, then I think the naive me would have endured it, and even more, to get there.
I think, to some degree, it would have helped for me to know that this process would take a long time. It would have helped me to feel more relaxed and more patient.
But I don't know if I would have thought I could handle it. I've gotten so much stronger mentally, physically and emotionally in the process. And my life, up until then, was not exactly a bed of roses, per se.
TTC #1 since 1/10
DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues
Our lil' lost sparks:
5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013
Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal
Moving on to IVF.
IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy
Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14
After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
We are so in love with her.
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."
Everybody is welcome!!!
I agree with you if the story ends with a baby. But the "now me" knows that not everyone gets a happy ending.
I do wish the "then me" had not eaten as much to get through this:-)
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
Although I have to agree with MrsMcirish on telling myself to put down the darn fork... Lol
Hysteroscopy 3/2011 2 Polyps removed 4/2011
DH on Clomid / Arimidex to address hormonal issues - Sperm found July 2011!
IVF #1 September 2011 - ER 9/8/2011- 8R, 5M - icsi - 1 made it to transfer - BFFN :-(
IVF #2 Lucky November 2011 - ER 11/25/2011 - 15 eggs!, 13 mature, 10 fertilized with isci - 7 made it to transfer! Transferred 1 - 8 cell and 2 - 7 cell. BFP!!!!
1st U/S - Twins! 2nd U/S - 3 heartbeats!!! - HOLY COW!!!
Prayers for our take home babies!
2 babies born on 3/27/12 and lost. Last baby born on 3/29/12 and lost at 20 weeks.
My angels grew wings shortly after birth.
Ahava Raisel, Matisyahu Nissim & Zev Chaim - Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
IVF #3 July 2012 - ER 7/17/2012 - 10 R. 5 F. 4 made it to ET
Transferred 2 on 7/20/2012 no snow babies :-(
Beta on 7/31/2012 = BFMFN
A miracle gift expected to come to us through adoption around 9/2012
Baby girl adopted - Birth Mother changed her mind and took the baby back
IVF #4 October 2012 - New RE. Doing PGD Testing. 8 R, 7F, 2 made it to 5 day blast for PDG testing. Both Normal (Thank you G-d!!!) 1 boy and 1 girl
transferred one beautiful 5day blast (girl)
Please G-d the almighty one - let this be our take home baby!
Beta #1 158, Beta #2 318, 1 Absolutely magnificent HB at 175! Thank you G-d!!!
Baby Girl born August 5th. Thank you G-d for our precious miracle.
AMA. PAIF & SAIF always welcome - I need all the prayers I can get!
***signature & ticker warning***
Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!
Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers
Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
Stopped BCP 4/2010.
Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013 ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt) Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.
If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!
Great questions.
No, I definitely would not want to know. Life was so much more blissful than it is now knowing the reality of things. It surprises me how much my need to have a child dictates my overall happiness or sadness levels but it appears that it really does.
If someone would have said to me all in one giant explanation "Hey your ovaries suck, your husband's sperm sucks, and you'll never have children of your own...oh and your mom is going to die amidst it all" I probably would have needed to be institutionalized too, like PP said. Luckily (if that's the right word) it all came in increments which made it easier to get used to piece by piece. I definitely could NOT have handled it all at once.
DH and I have learned a lot about each other and ourselves in this process and I think there are some definite positives that have come from it. I think I am much more compassionate about everyone else's struggles, whatever they might be. I try hard not to judge because I have no idea what they might be going through just like the majority of people have no idea what we are going through. I have learned I need to just let my husband be angry sometimes instead of trying to smooth it over and say things to make him feel better. I have learned that he is more introspective than I used to give him credit for.
Yes, I'd still say we would TTC because I want a family (still do, of course) and would do anything to make that happen even if it's not in the method, shape and form I once thought it would come.
************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries are just for decoration
12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.
2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.
6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d.
11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522 Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373
6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!
Snowflake baby is a girl!
Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!
My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
::: Married June 2003:::
TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
IVF# 4= c/p
***CCRM ODWU***
Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
***New RE***
DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture.
IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015
http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
::: Married June 2003:::
TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
IVF# 4= c/p
***CCRM ODWU***
Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
***New RE***
DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture.
IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015
http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
Would the you of then want to know?
yes, definitely. So many wasted years of being scared to start a family.
What would the you of then think of your journey?
I would have never thought in a million years I would get to here, I never would have thought I'd have the guts to go through everything I've been through.
Would the you of then have started to TTC?
Yes. The only thing in my life that I would go back and Re-do would be that I would have married DH sooner and ttc sooner.
10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid & normal hsg),
12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s, 1/12: D&C
6/12 IUI#1-IUI #3: clomid = BFP!, C/P
IVF #1(10/12) FSH 5.4, AFC: 16 long Lupron, 5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast/1-8 cell transferred=BFN
IVF #2(12/12)AFC 21, MD lupron, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast and 2-8cell. BFN.
IVF#3(4/13) Natural start antagon protocol, 12R,11F. one PGS normal at day 6 transfer. BFN.
IVF#4 (11/13) C.CRM (ODW.U normal 8/13 Still no Diagnosis) EPP/antagonist. ER 13R/7M/6F. Only 1 made it to freeze. Abnormal. Looking into options of DE, Fresh vs frozen.
10/14 new local RE to look into what's next. CD3 FSH 4.7, AMH 0.9. Met with DE agencies and exploring options for feb/march 2015.
Surprise natural bfp (4 days before donor is signed). Beta #1 at 9dpo: 51.8, 2nd beta: 195 (25 hours doubling) @11dpo. 3rd beta (12/15): 516 (35 hrs doubling) 4th beta(12/17): 895 (58 hours doubling) 5th beta(12/19): 2120. U/S at 5w0d(12/22): one gestational sac with yolk sac. U/S #2 (6w0d)12/29. One little bean measuring 6w0d with HR 124. 3rd u/s(1/4)7w0d: baby measuring 7w2d. HR 134. 3/30: A/S at MFM went great except for low lying placenta. Verifi results are normal! Team Blue! Please send any positive thoughts our way! EDD:8/24/2015
Baby Will born 8/18. He's perfect.
If you could go back in time and tell the you (of when you started TTC) how your journey would go up to this point...
Would the you of then want to know? The me of then would need to know that she needed to keep working and not start her own business....now I'm in a position that we haven't got the funds for DE or adoption if we decide to go one of those routes. My bridges are burnt in my previous field so I'm starting all over now...urgh.
What would the you of then think of your journey? The me of then would say....WTF, the Clomid didn't work??? Are you sure?!?
Would the you of then have started to TTC? Honestly, since I had advance knowledge of my issues, I feel like we started as soon as we could. My first round of IF related tests were 5 months after we were married....my first RE appt. was a year after (the soonest I could get into see her after my HSG and DH's SA were done). I know for sure I would have NEVER been able to convince DH to go to the RE before we were married, LOL. What's funny to me now is that when we first started dating 4 years ago....telling him we didn't need to use protection because I couldn't get pregnant was a selling feature, and now look at us
NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:
Jack has handpicked his sibling up there
My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog
Would the you of then want to know?
No, I wouldn?t want to know because the person I was then would not have had the strength to get to where I am now without naivety.
What would the you of then think of your journey?
I think the me of then would be amazed by what I am capable of. I think she would be impressed by the strength I have had to push forward and more so, the lengths I would go to for a family.
Would the you of then have started to TTC?
This is a hard one. I am not sure the me of then had the strength to embark on this journey knowingly. Maybe I am under-estimating myself but I think if the picture map of our journey was put in front of me 3 1/2 years ago I might have made other decisions. I just think that the course we travel in our lives is dictated so much by circumstance and feeling. If you were unable to experience the emotion of a circumstance you likely would make different choices. Having said that, at the risk of sounding completely corny; I am thankful for this experience and that I didn?t have the opportunity to opt out of what the future held.
***SIGNATURE WARNING***
TTC #1
Me 42, DH 47
Dx = AMA/DOR, MFI
IVF/ICSI #1 = BFN
IVF/ICSI #2 = BFP; early loss
IVF/ICSI #3 (DE) = BFP; early loss
FET = BFN
IVF/ICSI #4 (DE w/ CCS) = BFP
Beta #1 @ 10dp6dt = 265; Beta #2 @ 14dp6dt = 1251.
1st U/S @ 6w2d showed one perfect little heartbeat!
2nd U/S @ 7w2d. HB 132 & everything measuring on track.
Our beautiful little girl arrived January 2015!
Would the you of then want to know? I dont think I would want to know that it would all end with empty arms and empty wallets.
What would the you of then think of your journey? The then me would be amazed that I had the strength to inflict the physical pain and emotional torture time and time again with no outcomes. The then me would for sure understand how badly I want a baby then and now.
Would the you of then have started to TTC? Of course the then me always wanted a baby....the then me hopefully would have tried a little sooner in life!!!!
5 cycles of Clomid with satisfactory response=BFN's
Fibroid removal Nov2010
IUI Clomid #1 Feb 2011...BFN..damn it!
IUI Inject's #2 Apr 2011...CANCELLED...low estradiol
IUI Inject's #3 June 2011...BFN
IUI Inject's #4 Sept2011...BFFN
Lap Dec 2011...severe endo..cyst removed..some remains...
IVF#1 Apr 2012 ....cancelled due to over suppression
IVF#2 July 2012....6 follies...only 1 retrieved....BFFN
surgery suggested to move ovary to an better placement but....we moved two time zones away and are financially and emotionally empty
Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone)
Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
Jan 2013 BFP
Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
Miracle Born August 2013 Premature
Yours doesn't have to be a sad story
HUGE HUGS.
***SIGNATURE WARNING***
TTC #1
Me 42, DH 47
Dx = AMA/DOR, MFI
IVF/ICSI #1 = BFN
IVF/ICSI #2 = BFP; early loss
IVF/ICSI #3 (DE) = BFP; early loss
FET = BFN
IVF/ICSI #4 (DE w/ CCS) = BFP
Beta #1 @ 10dp6dt = 265; Beta #2 @ 14dp6dt = 1251.
1st U/S @ 6w2d showed one perfect little heartbeat!
2nd U/S @ 7w2d. HB 132 & everything measuring on track.
Our beautiful little girl arrived January 2015!