Daycare issues?

enjoylife · January 2013

So how is your communication with your DCP? particularly those who are in centers.

Little background on us....The ratio for As classroom is 1:8. We are new to the daycare scene, and expected a long transition since we he only goes 3 days a week. We expected the crying for drop offs and tantrum/regressions at home with a change in his lifestyle as well as him being sick since the first week he started. Anyways...my H does the majority of A's drop offs and pickups. (I usually keep J home with me and then drop him off on my way in, or on the day I'm at home with the boys in DC I will do a pick up earlier than my H) So I don't usually interact with A's teachers. H says since he drops off ~630am and picks up around 5pm the main teacher isn't there and who he sees in the morning is different than the pickup time. We both have a good rapport with J's teachers, and know he's having a good time and being well cared for. They mention some of his milestones, how he's doing, etc. More so than what gets scribbled on their report sheet, but that's ok. We talk with them and have a good sense on how J's days go.

Now with A, sometimes we think we are just getting a canned answer. We ask how he's doing, they say "fine". We ask if there are any issues (he's been coming home with soiled clothes so we figure there is a learning curve with the CD so we are trying to help) but they just tell us "no". I'll ask how his day went they tell me "good". No details, no things that I could work on at home. Since our drop off have been rough on my husband, I asked a couple weeks ago if A had any "friends" or kids he kinda hung out with so that we could talk school up before going, and the teacher couldn't really recall. So I guess my question is are these red flags that we can't really get a good level of communication with the teacher? Or is this just the life of an overworked teacher in a 2 year old classroom. I've done my drop ins from time to time and it does have its level of chaos as 8 2 year olds would do, I'd feel pretty harried after any day like that. We do know A is learning something though there, his vocabulary has increased and he does "clean up" like a champ now where as before it was a battle. He doesn't care for new situations, but since he's been there almost 2 months, no longer new right? When we visit my inlaws SILs/BILs, he "plays" and "follows" his cousins, I babysat my coworkers 3 year old and they played together all day, so he can interact with other kiddos. Whenever my H or I pick him up though he's always off by himself. :-( Suggestions?

Sorry so long and disjointed as J decided halfway through he needed one last nursing session before giving in to his nap. hooray for both boys asleep at the same time! will probably only last a half hour, but it will be a great half hour.

keags5496 · January 2013

My first thought is that if they aren't saying much then he's doing what he's supposed to be doing. I feel like they give you more information with little guys because their schedules are so important and their milestones happen so quickly.

With that said, try asking very specific questions. If you have concerns raise them and if you want to know what to work on specifically ask that. If you still aren't getting communication with the teacher it may be worth coming right out and nicely mentioning it to the teacher. If that doesn't work and you really want to stay with the center you could always try talking to someone above the teacher.

As for being off by himself, maybe its just been a long day full of loud 2 year olds and he needs some decompression time. Is it possible to pop in at random times during the day and just peek in on him??

Good luck!

heyitsme · January 2013

1) Does he get some sort of report sheet about his day? (Sorry if you mentioned this.)

2) The person you speak to upon pickup, is that someone present in his classroom during the day?

I remember being frustrated with DD's pickup when she started DC at 2. But then I learned that the person who was there was only with her for the last hour of the day so she had no clue how DD's days were!

When your DH drops off, how is he? I mean, does he leave your DS just standing there crying? Is a teacher comforting? Is the teacher trying to encourage your DS to play with others?

As you know, my DS had a hard transition to his new daycare. What helped was lots of hugs and direction.

I'd ask his director or lead teacher how to get better feedback of how your DS's days are going, until he seems to have settled in better.

mommyfied · January 2013

Personally I would have been furious!

Having worked in a kindergarten with 12 kiddos from 0-3 I do set high standards when I drop J of!

We were 4 adults on 12 kids throughout the day - and it is sufficient enough to spread the attention to all the kids.

I would have asked directly if they could keep and eye on who he spends time to, defending - if necessary - thet you want to expand the DC - home -connection, and mention the social ecological model.

I would also ask for a brief update about the day - start easy by asking if he ate much that day, and maybe what. Then float into questions about which toys he likes, if he plays a lot outdoor, how he communicates with the other 2-yo (verbal/non-verbal, physical/non-physical).

They should DEFENATELY be able to answer all of these questions, as it is these things they base their yearly evaluations on

Best of luck

enjoylife · January 2013

Thanks.

Yes he does get a report sheet, but very basic, it mostly tracks his diaper changes, a yes/halfway/no for his eating for the day and for his behavior. and what their lesson plan focused on for the day/week. He's pretty much halfway for eating and always the smiley face for his disposition for the day, just seems weird if they think he's happy...yet when we see him he's off by himself or the crying episodes for dropoffs.

I work noon to midnight so on my work days I don't see A or his teachers and I work an hour away so dropping in is out :-(. I used to try to peak in on A's class when I drop off J, my shift used to be 2p-2a so when I was looking in he was napping, but its harder now because he stalks the window so I'm worried if I peek in on him he'll see me and then freak if he can't leave.

My H does his dropoff at 630a and then picks him up at 5p so you are right that I think if H is running late he's just catching the last teacher of the day who wasn't the one with A. I'll try leaving a list of different questions for H to ask the teacher to see if we can get a better sense of how he's doing. I think since H has to pick up both kids, get them home, and dinner/bedtime routines going he's a bit stressed so he's one track mind and doesn't think to do the other stuff especially when A sees him he becomes a little spider monkey holding on for dear life saying "lets go lets go, bye bye". Its just kinda hard, sometimes I wish A's vocab was a little more developed so we could communicate and make things easier with preparing him and develop better coping skills for him but also to hear how his day went. he has an average vocab and a few 2 or 3 word phrases but we arent really to the point of having a conversation other than him asking for something he cant have and us negotiating to something that he can.

thanks for letting me bounce stuff off you ladies. most of my friends have either done DC from day 1, so haven't really had a mid-toddler transition other than from graduating rooms, or they are SAHMs/family babysitters.

lrn327 · January 2013

Ours is a little different b/c while our ratio is the same, we always have two teachers in there but so are 16 kids! It can be pretty chaotic, but the teachers can definitely tell me who C pals around with, how PTing is going, funny stories about him during the day, etc. Maybe it helps that there's two teachers but I also ask a good number of questions too. It can be a bit challenging though b/c the teacher we drop off with is not either of his mains and it's not even in his room. To solve this though, we normally write questions or important info (ie - has a rash and needs diaper cream or wants to keep his jacket on all day, etc.) on his daily sheet so they'll see it. The clipboards are always up and prepared with the daily sheet for each child every morning so they're ready if parents need to write communications. This works very well so maybe suggest something similar or your could just leave a note each day. I would try to spread your questions out over a few days if possible so they're not overwhelmed. Obviously some teachers (like any of us!) are just better at communicating these needs than others so you may have to make an even greater effort with some to get what you need. Also, could you see if the director or someone could snap a few fun pics of A when he's having a good time? Maybe that would ease your mind. I love getting these and they seriously do not mind doing it.

theuntaggablek · January 2013

Suggestions of PP have been great. I will say that the amount of rapport and communication varies with the different teachers. The ones I like best will tell me stories about his day, tell me why/how he earned a sticker if he doesn't tell me himself, and make a point to tell me if he's making progress on something he's struggled with....like s is doing really well with sharing! (Of course, they'd tell me if he was doing worse, too).

He had one teacher in the infant room that just seemed moody (maybe from spending the day with 8 infants), and rarely said much at pick up. After trying and failing to get the dirt from her, I started just relying on the morning teacher for the info. I understand that your schedule doesn't allow for doing drop-off to talk to a different teacher - but you might see if you can set up a conference with his regular teachers. Since he's new to daycare and you're especially concerned about the adjustment - that seems like a totally reasonable request.

enjoylife · January 2013

Oh I hadn't thought about pictures I will ask this week to see if the director will do that for us. I agree my mind would definitely ease if I knew he was having fun. They have conferences in may and I didn't even think about asking to meet earlier, thanks for the suggestions ladies!

bosha711 · January 2013

I don't have too much advice b/c we are in a very similar boat with DS just starting DC earlier this month. He also goes 3 days/week.

MH does the drop off & I do the pick up, & there is a different teacher at the end of the day than at the start - so again, very similar to you.

Can YH ask in the morning how he was the day before? I have sent MH with a post- it of questions to ask in the morning about the previous day. That way you're not just getting vague answers from the afternoon teacher who hasn't been with him all day long.

I also agree about asking specific questions. At first, I was asking, "Did he nap?" or "How did he do today?" To which I'd get a response of, "Yes, he napped" and "He did ok today". This isn't very helpful! So, instead, I started asking, "How long did he nap for?" so I get a specific length of time as a response. Or I'll ask, how many times did he cry today?". To that, they will tell me - he cried when the morning teacher left, and he cried before nap time, for example.

I've also learned that the morning drop off isn't really an indication of how the whole day went. With DS, he's cried at drop off almost everytime, but when I pick him up, he's almost always having fun. Last Thursday was our toughest drop off. I had to bring him b/c MH went to work early. When we got there, we found out his teacher wasn't there b/c of a medical emergency, so they had DS go into the infant room until a sub came in for his classroom. So he had a double whammy of an unfamiliar classroom & unfamiliar teachers. He freaked the f out & wouldn't let me put him down. I was *this* close to chickening out & just bringing him back home. But when I picked him up at the end of the day, he was having a blast & it was the first time he didn't come running to me asking to "go home now?" He was too busy playing!

Oh & like you, we know DS has really attached himself to his main teacher, so we talk her up all the time to try & get DS excited about going to school. This actually backfired on Thursday though when she wasn't there! When I saw his classroom was dark, all I could think in my head was "OH.F*CK!!" lol

So what they did was, the director is now walking him around to the other classes to get him familiar with the other classrooms & teachers, so that he is more comfortable in other settings there & not so attached to just his one teacher.

Another thing they're doing is spending a little bit more one on one time with him for now b/c they realized that after coming from being at home all day, DS is still more comfortable with adults than other kids. He does great when the teacher is interacting with him directly, but then when the teacher goes to another kid, it's like he remembers we are not there & starts asking for mommy & daddy.

Lastly, I think it's ok that DS is playing by himself at the end of the day. I think by pick up time, it's mostly just free play, whereas most of the rest of the day is more structured & interactive.

I think it also takes time for us parents to fully trust that the daycare is taking good care of our babies! It's hard for me not to be skeptical - like you said - when they tell you DS did fine, you think, "really? are you sure he did fine, or are you just saying that?" lol Or when his food container comes back empty & his sheet is checked off that he ate 100% of his lunch. I think, "really? he ate this whole thing?" b/c at home, I have to fight with him to eat!

I'm not sure any of that was helpful, but I just wanted to say that we're in a very similar situation, so at the very least I can commiserate.

Want a personalized experience?

Daycare issues?

Re: Daycare issues?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards