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Two Under 2
How to decide we're done?
Since I'm closer to this board than any other I'm going to ask here first;
How did you decide you were 'done'? I am leaning towards 3 being our magic number but I'm worried about having my tubes tied during my RCS and then realizing we want more. How do I know?
I'm sad thinking about never having the excitement of another pregnancy or a new baby at all.
DH loves kids and has said he'll take as many as I'll give him, and money isn't really an issue but the CS's are rough as many of you know. I guess I don't know why I'm rambling right now besides to get some opinions that may help me with this decision...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How to decide we're done?
We are done and we are confident with this decision. We decided when DS was 1 yr old to reevaluate. When he was 1 we were still sure we were done. Shortly after I started having doubts I was done, and was so sad not to have the excitement over a new baby anymore. We talked I'm length about it and realized we were in fact done. The reasons for us were:
DS was a preemie and went through a host of issues after birth, he also died. Then he had severe reflux, a milk/soy/protein intolerance and wasn't gaining weight. We realized we didn't want our future children having to endure what our DS went through. It was heartbreaking to say the least.
I also realized that I didn't want another child, I wanted another baby. I wanted to be pregnant, have the excitement over finding out the sex, then I wanted a good labor and delivery (which I was robbed with by having a preemie) and I wanted a healthy newborn. I essentially wanted to re-do my DS's birth but not actually have any other children.
I'm content with 2, it works for us. I agree, if you have doubts then don't get he tubes tied. You luckily have a little more time to decide and see if you are in fact finished.
*Lurker butting in*
We knew before I got PG w/ #3 that we were done at 3. I embraced my 3rd PG, taking weekly pics and really cherishing the milestones of the PG.
I will say that now that baby is 2.5, it makes me a bit sad to see ladies with big PG bellies and know I am done with that phase of my life. I also know that I do not want to go back to the newborn stage of life again. Our last 2 did not STTN until they were over 2.
That said, I have caught DH making comments like, "If my vasectomy fails..."
Like the PP said, if you have any doubts (which is sounds like you do), do not have the tubal done.
ETA: Plus, life gets so much easier when they go to school and everyone is PT-ed!
As everyone said, if you have doubts, don't do anything permanent. Leave yourself the option and re-evaluate once you've been a family of 5 for a while.
We are still debating #3 (I want a third, DH on the fence) but I absolutely know we would be done after that hypothetical third. When I picture our future as a family, I see 3 kids. No more. No concrete reasons, it's just what feels right to me. I know I will feel a little sad and long for the days of pregnancy/newborn babies when we're done and I see others in those stages, but more in a nostalgic way. Not like right now where I see a pregnant belly and wish is were me.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
We just know that 3 is our number and it's taken a while for us to 100% decide this. We had a very difficult time in the beginning with 2 kids and there were many days I said I was done.
I have also had 2 c/s, so I'd have a 3rd as well. Also, working in L&D, I don't feel comfortable having more than that. I also have difficult pregnancies too. If you aren't 100% sure you that you don't want kids, I'd advise you not to get your tubes tied. There are other options you can do after that are also permanent.
I've given this question a lot of thought and i think like the PP said when I get to the point where I only want another pregnancy and delivery and baby, not another child to raise, I know i'll be done.
I'm kind of grateful that our home really won't accommodate more than 4 kids max. Makes it a little easier.
I agree with not doing anything permanent until you are 100% sure. Maybe agree to revisit the discussion once your third is 6 months or 1 year.
I really thought we would be done after my son was born. We had 2 healthy kids, a boy and a girl, they were close in age... I always thought 2 was the magic number and I would feel "done" (like, nail in the coffin, my uterus is closed kind of closure).
Well.... not so much. DH has major baby fever right now and we have agreed to TTC #3 this summer. My fertility is questionable, so we have no idea of this baby will actually happen, but we are going to give it a shot.
If we had done something permanent after DS was born we would have regrets.
We are both 99.9% sure we will get something permanent done after #3 is born.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
This! My MiL had her tubes tied (but she was told if she had anymore, she could die, so it wasn't an issue of being done by "choice" but by safety reasons). She always says she regrets it, but I think that's normal for when it was for safety reasons and misplaced guilt.
I would reevaluate in about a year like a pp said. Don't do anything drastic. I've also heard that CSs can limit the number of children you have because of the scar tissue, but I've also heard that that is outdated advice....
For me it was simple jealousy. I wanted the families that others' had. I have two kids. I want four. DH is finally on board, we're going to start TTC our next baby in March, and going for our fourth when #3 is 11 months old. I'm no longer jealous or envious of others.
I know this might sound petty, but it's how I know.
FTR, this will be my 3rd CS. I will end up with four altogether assuming that I heal well from my 3rd.
This! I discussed the possibility of a tubal during my c/s for #3 with my OB, and she said she really recommends a vasectomy instead cuz tubals cause heavier and more painful periods. Mine are already bad enough. We decided we weren't ready to take permanent action yet anyway.
For me, I love having my kids all in a row. I'm on the fence about feeling done. I decided to wait until #3 was at least a year old to see how I felt. We go back and forth between being done, and thinking about maybe trying for a fourth. I don't know if our family is complete or not, but I'm glad I didn't take permanent measures during yet.
When it comes down to it, we would both love to have another child. It's the financial aspect of raising 3 kids that gives us pause. It just seems a bit daunting. We're planning to discuss TTC again this spring. If we do decide to pull the trigger, we'd TTC this summer. If not, we'll table the issue until next spring and then reassess our feeling at that time.
Regardless, we definitely feel like we don't want more than 3 kids. We will someday pursue some form of permanent birth control but not until we are 110 sure we're done.
First, if I were you, I'd ask my doctor, "How many RCS he is comfortable with?" With that knowledge, I think I would have a little more confidence in my decision. I know someone with 4 RCS and after that her doc stated she needed to be done. So while, 3 is a lot. 4 isn't unheard of.
I also wouldn't do anything unless I was absolutely sure I was done.
I did a tubal and while we are def done sometime I still get those pangs of wanting another. We really can't afford it now (I went back and started a second career with a entry salary--which was a dream of mine) and OMG things have gotten so much easier without a baby in tow. I am not sure I really would want to give that up. Not to mention, MH is 250% done. I do rationalize if I ever remarried, it would be a condition to try for #4 (through IVF or reversal : ).
My opinion is that you're always going to miss that baby bump and the excitement of a little baby but you have to decide in the long run how many kids do you picture yourself raising. For DH and I it was always four kids and now that we're getting close I know I'm going to miss the pregnancy experience big time but we'll be ready to move on to the next stage of life. You have to do it at some point. Good luck with your decision!
I said something very similar to DH the other day. With #3 up in the air for us, I hate the uncertainty of what the future will look like. It will be bittersweet to leave my babies' early years behind, but it will almost be a relief to feel more settled.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
Me too. Dd is only 5.5 months but I already get jealous and sad when I hear about others getting pregnant. H is pretty sure he doesn't want another. Like emphatic about it. But he'll slip sometimes and say, if we had another... Stuff like that. Gives me hope but its probably misplaced. Somehow I have to be okay with being done. I'm already the luckiest mama. But still I feel not quite "complete" somehow. Sounds terrible when I see it in black and white.
DS: 11/1/2010 DD: 8/9/2012 #3: 4/2019