I feel so lost sometimes

arm08 · January 2013

It's almost been 2 months and some days are better then others. I just feel like most people think you should be back to normal or you should be feeling ok by now. I also feel like they just forget and there life has moved on and we are stuck in this unfinished part of our life without our baby. Do any of you feel like your husbands feel that way sometimes. I know my DH is always here for me but the other night as I cried myself to sleep he asked me do you think you need to ask your doctor about getting on some meds. I just feel like part of him has also moved on. I'm not ready to move on I'm still hurting and healing. Sorry just my rant that I needed to get out and know only you ladies would understand.

Noethola · January 2013

My DH continues to just let me cry when I need to. But yes, sometimes people do move on in a way that a mother cannot and will never be able to. Your DH is saying it out of concern, and I highly doubt he is over the pain. That being said, guys grieve very differently. My DH probably has not cried for the last several weeks. He is able to put his life in boxes in a sense, and put the baby box on the shelf when he needs to do other things. For me, the baby was a part of everything.

Here is hoping he can just continue to show you support and hold you when you are hurting.

HullGut · January 2013

I'm so sorry you feel so lost, I understand completely. People do forget and they don't realize we are still fragile. DH has been great and we talk a lot about how we are feeling. We have a rule that if one of us is feeling sad we call the other. He has called me a few times when we are not together. I try to only "really fall apart", like really sob when no one is home. DH and I go to a grief counselor together and that has really helped. Maybe if you explain to him how sad you still are and always will be it will help.

jebretz · January 2013

Both of the other replies are spot on. Men totally grieve differently, and it sounds like he is scared for you. I know my DH was afraid of me falling into depression, so just talk to him. It is so important to keep talking.

Heatherhah · January 2013

I know in the early days of our loss Dh did handle it much different then I did. He explained it to me like this that he didn't carry our DD and he knows that my attachment was so much different than his to her. He never met her since she was stillborn and I was the only one who really knew her. He also said that he loves her so much but still has no idea what I am or went through. So maybe your DH is feeling that way too. Men handle grief so differently than we do. Hugs!!

Bayberry12 · January 2013

All of these women are very right, we grieve differently than our husbands. It is hard when everyone else has moved on, and they do expect you to be "back to normal", they don't understand what this is like and hopefully they never will.

I completely relate to that feeling of being "stuck". Have you guys gone to counseling or a support group? I would highly recommend it, it helped us so much. I know some moms on here have taken anti-depressants or mood stabilizers, they are right for some people sometimes.

arm08 · January 2013

Thanks ladies....we are looking into a support group in our area and DH said we will go together. Also I had my 6 weeks follow up today and the Dr asked how I was and how I had been feeling so I told him exactly so he suggested a low dose of zoloft so I agreed. As always thank you all for the support and suggestions :

I feel so lost sometimes

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