Wedding <1 month after giving birth??

rinne129 · January 2013

Hi All!

I am due April 20th and my husband is the BEST MAN in a wedding on May 17th.

I fully intend to go, but have been getting mixed reviews from other moms about my ability to do so... some say "you'll be fine! just unable to dance the night away..." and others say "you'll be lucky if you can walk to your front door and back at that point..."

I'm starting to worry! These are obviously VERY close friends of ours so it is perfectly acceptable if I rsvp "yes" and have to retract a few days before, but I've been really really looking forward to this wedding as our "first night out" after baby...

Anyone else experience something similar or have advice??

THANK YOU!

lightgetsin · January 2013

You will be fine. If you can't walk by then there is something seriously wrong! Go have fun.

Trish&Pete07 · January 2013

I was at the beach for my grandmother's birthday when DD1 was 4 days old. I totally over did it that week and paid for it the next with complete exhaustion, pain and undue stress.

Take it as it comes. Everyone is different and every baby is different. Take it one day at a time and be prepared for the chance that you can't or don't want to go. And if you go be prepared to leave early. Baby may be super easy and love the car seat/being held. others might have colic and keep you up for the first 3 months. You might deliver vaginally and be fine (maybe not run a marathon fine, but can handle walking around just fine) or you might have a c/s or tear and have a longer recovery. Nothing is written in stone until it happens. Time to be flexible!!

PepperBug · January 2013

I would do just what you suggested: reply yes and then don't go if you can't or don't want to. While you are looking forward to it now, you may change your mind after the baby is here. Or you may not. I personally couldn't walk or sit one month post delivery, and even if I could have, I was very uneasy leaving my son for even a few hours. I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about it now because you just won't know how things will be after the baby is here until the baby is here.

emriley84 · January 2013

Physically I think you will be fine to go to the wedding. DS#1s bday was October 19th, and it was gorgeous that halloween, so I took him out and went trick or treating with my nieces and nephews and cousins. he was only 12 days old I think. I felt absolutely fine.

Emotionally, I don't know how you will feel about leaving the baby to go to the wedding. I had a really hard time leaving DS when he was a newborn.

ASmallWonder · January 2013

My BIL got married 3 weeks after my c-section and I went and was fine. You may not feel your best but if being there trumps feeling great, plan to go.

starting all over again · January 2013

I was back to work 3 days after my DD1, doing all the same tasks (heavy lifting too). I'm not a superwoman, just did what I had to do when you own your own business. Walking around will not be a problem for you at all. Enjoy your night out!!!

keg · January 2013

If it's local, I think it's definitely do-able. We had friends that had their baby about a month before our wedding and used our wedding as a night out. I also had another friend that just wore her 2.5 month old at our wedding. I wouldn't have had a clue the baby was there other than seeing a Bjorn in the pictures!

jinnymb · January 2013

You should be fine, just take it easy there. Drive separately so you can leave earlier if you are tired or don't want to leave the baby for too long.

Enjoy yourself!!

mle929 · January 2013

tmsgrl:
You will be fine. If you can't walk by then there is something seriously wrong! Go have fun.

If you have a c-section you might not be fine. There's no way I could have gone to a wedding at that point. Then again my incision became infected. Hopefully, you'll be doing great.

BelhurstBride · January 2013

I was a reader in one of my BFF's wedding 5 weeks after DD was born, 3 hours away. (Was supposed to be 4 weeks after DD Was born by she arrived a week early.)

My sister came along and stayed in the hotel room attached to the wedding venue. I excused myself after dinner to nurse DD and one other time to pump before kicking off my shoes and really enjoying myself. We had a great time and I never regretted it. And I felt totally fine, recovery wise.

MrsWindyCity · January 2013

I think it just really depends. You may deliver late and only be 3 weeks out, or whatever. Physically, I would have been okay. Emotionally I was still a wreck, plus DS was nursing ALL the time. I couldn't have left him for a long amount of time at that point. If it was a situation where LO could be at the hotel or something like pp mentioned, then I would be okay with it.

TMWarren85 · January 2013

Another thing- if these are really close friends they will understand if you no-show, just let them know a few days ahead of time. I was out and about a week after DD was born, if I did too much I would feel it the next day and be tired but I had the entire day to recoup at home if needed.

PandasMama0626 · January 2013

Everyone is different. I worked with a ballet instructor who taught ballet (all ages and ranges) up to 1 week before she gave birth and started slowing coming back to work 4 days after birth. For me, personally, I was laid up for about 2 weeks after birth (my back was so out of wack and I tore really bad) but was fine a month postpartum. Just play it by ear. You will know how far you can push yourself at that point. You may be lucky and have a good baby that lets you get rest also, or have a colicky baby that keeps up you (like I did for the first 4 months). I say plan on going but just keep an eye on how your feeling and don't overdo it.

mben1119 · January 2013

If you go a week or 2 overdue, and need a c-section and have complications, you may not be up for it. My c-section incision opened up 2x and became infected PP, and there was no way I could have attended a function like that at 4 weeks out.

nyki06 · January 2013

I would just go and keep my baby wrapped up in the Moby all night so that everyone and their brother didn't want to hold the baby.

ella.mabel · January 2013

I was fine physically at 4 weeks as far as being able to sit/walk, but my whole life at that point was struggling with nursing. My nips were a mess and i was nursing DD every 2-3 hours because i had a pretty crappy supply. I really didn't go much of anywhere in those early weeks because she nursed so often and wasn't on a bottle yet. If you really want to go to the wedding and you plan on nursing, I'd vote for getting a cute sling or wrap and wearing the baby.

skoogirl · January 2013

I had 4th degree tears and it took me quite a while to recover, but, at 4 weeks I was pretty able to walk/stand, just not for extended periods of time. I still had a lot of pressure. I wasn't emotionally ready to leave DS for very long though. Plus, we didn't introduce him to a bottle until after that, maybe 6 weeks or so.

RJM050705 · January 2013

DH's best man's wife had a baby via c/s 5 days before our wedding. The BM's parents were also invited, so they were able to help with the 3yo daughter and mom got to focus on the baby. I'm SO SO SO glad she made it, but I 100% would have understood if she hadn't. I'm guessing you won't want to be dancing the night away, but if it's important to you, I'd try to make it.

Bink720 · January 2013

tmsgrl:
You will be fine. If you can't walk by then there is something seriously wrong! Go have fun.

Wrong!

At 1 month post-delivery I was still sitting on a pillow and was bleeding. Not to mention the struggle with breastfeeding that left me crying every time I had to nurse. I had significant tearing and healing was harder on me than L&D. And if you have cracked and bleeding nipples that leak every time the baby coos, you aren't going to want to be all dressed up trying to NIP while not leaking over your nice dress.

The honest answer is that no one knows how you are going to be after delivery. Every one's experience is different. You could be one of the lucky ones who is able to pick up life like normal and be able to go to the wedding with no second thoughts. Or you could have a hard time healing and need to stay home. I think RSVPing yes, knowing you may not be up to going is your best bet. Especially if you guys are close enough with the bride and groom that they would understand. This is really one of those situations where you just have to wait and see. GL! I hope you are able to make it to the wedding.

Angela814 · January 2013

I think it's really hard to predict. I was 10 days overdue with DD1 and had a c/s. I'm not sure I would have wanted to get dressed up to go to a wedding at 2-3 weeks pp, and I wouldn't have been able to leave DD1 to go. She was still nursing hourly at that point, and we didn't introduce a bottle until 4 weeks. Generally, the final head count is due about 2 weeks before the wedding, right? If they're really close friends, I'd say you can put yourself down as a yes and let them know you'll call if anything changes.

dande2129 · January 2013

tmsgrl:
You will be fine. If you can't walk by then there is something seriously wrong! Go have fun.

This.

dande2129 · January 2013

mabenner1:
If you go a week or 2 overdue, and need a c-section and have complications, you may not be up for it. My c-section incision opened up 2x and became infected PP, and there was no way I could have attended a function like that at 4 weeks out.

But also this.

Ultimately, I think that it's one of those things that you're just going to have to wait and see.

I had a vaginal delivery with DS, with a second degree tear so nothing major. I went out for a friend's birthday when DS was two weeks old, and I had a great time.

dande2129 · January 2013

mabenner1:
If you go a week or 2 overdue, and need a c-section and have complications, you may not be up for it. My c-section incision opened up 2x and became infected PP, and there was no way I could have attended a function like that at 4 weeks out.

But also this.

Ultimately, I think that it's one of those things that you're just going to have to wait and see.

I had a vaginal delivery with DS, with a second degree tear so nothing major. I went out for a friend's birthday when DS was two weeks old, and I had a great time.

penguingrrl · January 2013

You'll be fine! I went to a wedding when my oldest was 2.5 weeks old and had a blast. I was dancing all night long! And I had a c-section with her.

pinottoparenthood · January 2013

I am in the same situation! My baby is due April 10th, and we're supposed to go to a wedding the first weekend in May. It's going to be a REALLY nice wedding at a country club, and I want to go really badly. It's in town. However, I have no idea if I'll be up for it or not... particularly if he comes late. Guess I'm playing it by ear and they'll have to understand if I can't make it.

RussianMommy · January 2013

you will be fine! my friends were all outside walking their newborns a week after birth.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

Bink720:
tmsgrl:
You will be fine. If you can't walk by then there is something seriously wrong! Go have fun.
Wrong!
At 1 month post-delivery I was still sitting on a pillow and was bleeding. Not to mention the struggle with breastfeeding that left me crying every time I had to nurse. I had significant tearing and healing was harder on me than L&D. And if you have cracked and bleeding nipples that leak every time the baby coos, you aren't going to want to be all dressed up trying to NIP while not leaking over your nice dress.
The honest answer is that no one knows how you are going to be after delivery. Every one's experience is different. You could be one of the lucky ones who is able to pick up life like normal and be able to go to the wedding with no second thoughts. Or you could have a hard time healing and need to stay home. I think RSVPing yes, knowing you may not be up to going is your best bet. Especially if you guys are close enough with the bride and groom that they would understand. This is really one of those situations where you just have to wait and see. GL! I hope you are able to make it to the wedding.

Uncomfortable, yes. Problems, yes. But you could still walk, right? If you can't walk by then, something IS wrong.

Eleventy11 · January 2013

My husband is a baseball coach. LO and I were at a game a week after she was born. By a month old, we had already made seven games. I had a failed induction with an emergency csection. Two weeks after having her, I was driving to games and hauling all our stuff by myself. This is not everyone's experience, but it can be done.

However, if you're planning it as a night out without baby, that may be more difficult. Walking out the door and leaving LO is a huge step for that amount if time that early.

Bink720 · January 2013

sofamonkey:
Bink720:
Wrong!
At 1 month post-delivery I was still sitting on a pillow and was bleeding. Not to mention the struggle with breastfeeding that left me crying every time I had to nurse. I had significant tearing and healing was harder on me than L&D. And if you have cracked and bleeding nipples that leak every time the baby coos, you aren't going to want to be all dressed up trying to NIP while not leaking over your nice dress.
The honest answer is that no one knows how you are going to be after delivery. Every one's experience is different. You could be one of the lucky ones who is able to pick up life like normal and be able to go to the wedding with no second thoughts. Or you could have a hard time healing and need to stay home. I think RSVPing yes, knowing you may not be up to going is your best bet. Especially if you guys are close enough with the bride and groom that they would understand. This is really one of those situations where you just have to wait and see. GL! I hope you are able to make it to the wedding.
Uncomfortable, yes. Problems, yes. But you could still walk, right? If you can't walk by then, something IS wrong.

In the sense that I could take a few steps. I could do that within hours of delivering. In the sense of being on my feet all day at a social gathering. No. OP is asking about being up for going to a wedding with a month old baby. Not about being able to walk to the restroom. I was told to take the first 6 weeks to just sleep and rest and heal. Saying if you can walk you're fine to go to a wedding is an over simplification of the entire situation. I could not have gone for a walk at 4 weeks postpartum. I could barely get off the couch without cringing in pain. It's great that there are all these women who healed quickly right away, but OP should be prepared that not every one is that lucky. And it's ok if she isn't one of those people.

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